From behind prison bars, I watched my other sister to
make progress. Stephanie was the most intelligent of us
all but she did not end up being a banker our father
wanted her to be. Instead, she ended up studying
International Relations and later took up a job with the
United Nations Organization. As a result, she too was not
always available to visit me in prison because she was
not often not in the country. She was stationed in Zurich,
Switzerland. However, I got to talk to her often because
my mum will phone her wherever she is when they come
visiting so she and I would talk. Our conversation will
lead both her and me crying at the end.
Stephanie also came to introduce her boyfriend to me
one day. His name was Philip Edison. He hailed from
Trinidad and Tobago. Philip was every lady's dream.
Handsome and suave, he exuded confidence and had the
calmness of a river. Stephanie introduced us when she
too brought him along during one of her visits. He was
working for a mining firm in the US as their solicitor.
From that day onwards, any time they had the
opportunity to visit, Philip will bring me a special gift. The
two got married when Stephanie was twenty-seven. I
was then thirty-two years old and had then gone nine
years in prison.
Watching Stephanie also grow from behind bars brought
me mixed feelings of joy and sorrow. As in the case of
Gloria, I was happy for her but at the same time, it left
me in pain as it made me vividly aware of what I am
missing and what I will never have. I was still behind bars
when both sisters became pregnant for their respective
husbands. As usual, I was happy for them as pain gnawed
at my heart that I will never become a mother.
Who was going to get me pregnant in prison? Certainly,
there was no one and there can be no one. Sex was not
allowed in prison. Some of my colleague inmates were
engaged in lesbian acts, an act that I distaste to this day.
On many occasions, they tried to lure me into it but I
resisted. It was not easy resisting them but thanks to the
support of my family and the preacher who often came
to preach the word of God to us in the prison, I was
strong enough to resist what I consider it's an insult to
God. Knowing that I was never going to become
pregnant, give birth and cuddle a baby in my arms made
me cry often. Gloria was the first to give birth. The baby
was a girl. She insisted on naming the baby after me. Her
husband approved of it but when they told me about it, I
became angry.
"How could you think of such a stupid idea, Gloria? You
want to name a newly born baby who has the whole
world in front of her after a murderer?
And you Bob, approved of it?" I screamed at my sister
and her husband when they came and visit me of their
intention to name the baby after me. My mother, who
was sitting by my sister, pleaded with me to keep my
voice down. It was the first time I had ever yelled at my
sister, Gloria, whom I loved so much.
"I don't care if you killed somebody!" Gloria replied. "I
don't care that you are a prisoner! You are my sister, my
heroine, the one I admire. You have been so brave in
enduring this misfortune so far. That is why I want to
name my daughter after you and by God, I am going to
do it. Not even you can stop me" she rasped.
She was crying. I broke down in tears too. My mother too
started crying. I saw Bob trying to choke down tears but
he eventually failed as the tears meandered down his
cheeks.
I managed to convinced my sister not to name her baby
after me. The baby had a life and a future of her own and
must not be tainted by the deeds of someone else. I
pleaded with Gloria, that if she truly loves me, she should
not name the child after me. Finally, succumbed. Her
husband said since they had agreed to my request, I
should be the one to come up with the name of the child.
I agreed and after a moment's hesitation, requested the
child be named Victoria after our mum-the woman who
gave birth to us and nature us into adulthood. Everyone
agreed with me. My mother immediately started crying
again.