The apartment was a 2 bedroom, shared bath unit. It was a small place, but Penelope kept things tidy enough that it was not a problem for Oscar to wheel around inside.
"Whew, and here I was worried you wouldn't fit through the door," she said in relief.
"Yeah, I thought for sure that bathroom door was too narrow. So, you live here by yourself?"
"Are you kidding? No, I just don't have a roommate at the moment."
"At the moment?"
"Give me a second, I'll show you." She went into her room, and returned with a laptop. It, similar to the back of her vehicle, was covered in bumper stickers.
"See! Look," she commented while pointing to the screen.
"The Homestay forums? Is renting the place out for a weekend even legal? You aren't a hotel."
"Yup, but I charge the same as one! So you can use the guest room for now, but you'll have to share my room if a traveler shows up."
"Lord no," Oscar said before wheeling to Penelope's room. It was decorated almost exclusively in conspiracy merchandise: Bigfoot posters, stuffed alien dolls, and even Illuminati bed sheets!
"Wow! That lass has some odd tastes."
"Why are you giggling, Toenail? You're part of this too."
"Yeah, but she can't see me!"
Penelope interrupted their talk with a request that made Oscar grin.
"Hey brother, could I maybe ask the alien some questions?"
"Of course! He was just talking about how interesting all this looked."
"What? Don't drag me into this," Zarog complained.
"Really! Can you make him appear now?"
"Sure! He has nothing to do at the moment, anyway."
"Nonsense, I have to train you!"
"Oh wow! You are that excited to talk with my sister? Okay, don't let me stop you..."
Unable to kill his way out of this problem, and unable to withstand Penelope's puppy dog eyes, Zarog relented.
"Fine! But focus on the sensation of moving star dust when I'm funneling. I want you to practice doing this yourself, while I entertain the lass."
"Yes, master," Oscar said in a sarcastic tone.
"If I was a master, I'd still be drinking tea in the sect..."
Zarog may have grumbled instinctively, but it was certainly a better name than toenail.
They performed the funneling, and a now visible Zarog floated to the bed. Penelope sat next to him, while Oscar practiced in his chair by the door.
"Okay lass, spill it. What wisdom do you seek from the great Zarog Moonbiter?"
"I'm so excited! Don't forget to breathe, Penelope... Okay, question 1: what's the deal with probing?"
"Probing, what's that?"
As he heard her explanation, Zarog's expression grew increasingly ugly.
"Let me get this straight. You hairless monkeys believe aliens are crossing the universe to get to this backwater, for what? Free colonoscopies!?!"
Oscar, having just moved a single grain of glitter, lost control in a fit of laughter.
"Focus, you!"
"So that isn't a thing? I always thought you were looking for treasure, or something."
Oscar laughed even harder at this statement.
"Hahaha! Butt treasure!"
If Zarog still had actual skin, it would surely be red with fury now. Luckily, Penelope was there to force the alien back on track.
"Forget about him, I still have questions."
"Whoa, my time isn't free. What do I get out of this?"
She thought hard about Zarog's request, before suddenly exclaiming,
"... Oh! I could familiarize you with earth! I mean, even if you read brother's memories, you must still be confused."
"Wait, you read my memories!?!"
"I accept. And why are you complaining? You saw my memory, right? Now get back to training!"
While Oscar quietly grumbled, Penelope moved the conversation forward.
"Okay, so what do you want to know about earth?"
"Who are the big shots, down here?"
"There's a lot of speculation about that in the community, actually. There's the Illuminati, the mysterious Third London University, and that weirdo in the soviet union. But, if you ask me, I'd have to say Santa Claus!"
"Oh god, not this again."
"Why can't you support me, brother?"
"You made this last one up!"
"So what, like those others haven't!"
"Okay, hold up! What are you two kiddos bickering about?"
Penelope went to the wall, and tore a big foot poster off of it. Behind said poster, a conspiracy board was set up.
"Are you familiar with our legend of Santa, mister Alien?"
"I may have seen a fragment or two about it. He runs this strange holiday you all call 'Christmas,' correct?"
"Exactly! My theory is that this Santa Claus and Bigfoot are actually the same guy! Just think about it; one guy can travel the world in a single night, and the other lives in our forests without ever getting discovered. Coincidence? I don't think so!"
"Okay, why? What powerful person would waste their time helping others?"
Oscar found the insinuation made here troubling, but Penelope appeared to pay it no mind.
"I think it's the result of a curse! Santa Claus is what this person originally looked like, and he has to deliver presents to eventually free himself from Bigfoot form!"
Zarog ruminated on her conspiracy, before saying,
"That certainly was a story... I gift you another question."
"Yay! Okay, question 2: why flying saucers, specifically? Is that form especially good for space travel? How does it leave the atmosphere?"
"Flying saucer! What do you take me for, a space goblin!?!"