Despite looking rough, there were no debilitating injuries on Doug as a result of the mauling. 2 pep pills later, and he was back in action. One could tell things had changed, however, from his increased diligence in testing the examinees to their limits.
The pass rate plummeted, throwing the remaining examinees into despair. Very soon, the proctor called,
"Next up, Examinee 87!"
Logan stepped forward, his approach to the scenario an unorthodox one.
"Pizza delivery," he yelled while knocking loudly on the door.
For probably the only time in exam history, the judges, proctor, smart cookies, and dumb examinees alike all had the same thought:
"Is this guy a moron?"
Doug, not knowing what to do, responded.
"I didn't order a pizza."
"Are you dieting, sir? Don't tell me you ordered a guilt pizza, only to change your mind while I was on the way."
"Ha! Perhaps I did order a pizza, after all. Let me give you your tip!"
The tip of the bike pump burst through the door, splitting it down the middle.
Logan sidestepped it, but Doug quickly retracted the tube upon seeing it miss; there would be no repeat of his last defeat.
Logan paid it no mind, however, instead focused on removing his flip flops. He held one in each hand, as if they were much more intimidating weapons than in reality.
"Just because you can't look at the scale honestly, that doesn't give you the right to break things! I'll have to perform a citizen's arrest, for the good of your poor landlord!"
He suddenly dashed forward, the sole of his sandal tapping against Doug's forehead before he could blink.
Drill sergeant Drill-bit, from the side, watched with an approving gaze.
"Pretty good performance, for a joker. I imagine I'll be saying 'pass' soon..."
But, before he could, a roar erupted from within the scenario.
"Did you just hit me with your shoe!?! YUCK! UGH! THAT'S IT!"
The floor rumbled, and Drill-bit's eyes went wide.
"NO!"
THUNK!
"Ew, say it don't spray it..."
"... What?"
What the proctor saw, upon rushing in, confused him; Doug was on the floor, clutching his throat. Logan, meanwhile, stood over him with a guilty look.
"Ah, I'm so sorry! I think I used too much force to restrain him! Somebody, help the poor kid! Medic! Medic!"
Drill-bit sighed with relief seeing this.
"Thank god the joker stopped him before the kid went wild; I don't want to even imagine the asses I would have had to kiss if this went too far... Wait, is he helping me cover it up!?!"
While he debated this question with himself, another one was occurring in the judge's booth.
"Not bad for a speed type; if it turns out he didn't break any bones, I say we pass him."
"I have concerns..."
"What, too old to develop?"
"No, look at his written exam."
The judges all consulted their tablets, and one became immediately confused.
"These results are near a perfect score, not counting the bonus points. With them included, he has a 130%; what's the issue?"
"I'm concerned because this person can answer super hero law as if he were a textbook, but he misses a question like 'name the winner of the last three super bowls'..."
"Isn't that one of those questions we put in to weed out spies as a joke?"
"'Name the 2013 best picture winner at the Oscars,' missed that one... 'What was the famous dance craze that swept America over the summer of 2016,' missed that one too..."
"I don't think we can fail someone for this; he meets our criteria."
"Sure, and these questions aren't proof of anything, anyway. He could have been living under a rock for a half a decade, or something. I'm just saying, in case he is a spy, is there a need for us to immediately put him on easy street?"
"... Well he did antagonize the 'villain,' which isn't strictly encouraged."
"Yeah! And the 'villain' could have easily harmed the hostages while this person was joking around."
"Exactly! He got lucky that 'villain' even engaged in his charade; it would have been an immediate fail if he started murdering those poor dino babies right then."
"Indeed, those dino babies are too cute; its criminal!"
"Great! So he barely passes the physical, then; we did a good job here today, men!"
Seconds later the proctor announced Logan's passage, a swirl of various emotions raging in his heart...