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Chapter 2 - Self Experience

It can't go without saying that it is not a bed of roses to have aspirations in life which are not realized ultimately. However, it delights when dreams are achieved or it annoys when not realized in a manner desired. This may sound quite normal but on one hand it is so painful and on the other, it is an indication of the dark side of life. Human race and/or even the animal world do experience similar situations and this should be accepted religiously, if nothing can be done about it depending on the motivating circumstances.

I am one person who had the opportunity to dream big ranging from good education, marriage, a home, and other material achievements. Indeed I worked hard but smart so that my aspirations will come to pass. It never occurred to me that others had tried before after thinking big and never saw the thinking big aspirations occur or happen as planned. Yes, their plans would have materialized presumably but not exactly as planned or not all. I fall in the category of those people who have fallen short of their aspirations and the fact that I am over fifty years of age.

In my subconscious mind, I had a classic home structure that I wanted to translate into reality. I had even some scribes on paper on how the structures would look like. However, it came to pass and at my age I am still struggling to achieve the dream, the limiting factor being funds. Indeed I got a job at an early age and immediately other needs cropped in and strained the resource. Leave alone what I have just described, I really wanted to become an accountant after university; first I did not qualify for direct admission to university due to underlying factors or social background, so when I got employment I began educating myself in university, which situation impacted on my aspiration to build a good home. And again after attaining university education, I did not still get my dream job; a very significant frustration and therefore regret in life. Imagine still, my employer is yet to recognize my university credentials with a promotion and/or related aspect. So sometimes I regret why I would spend a lot of money in university with no value addition on the part of the employer on my efforts. It is indeed a regret.

To crown all, as a family person, it sometimes happen that one needs to take care of children in the family, which is a legal obligation; this is also informed by the fact that once they are stable either financially or otherwise, then as parents we expect to be assisted by them. It is not the case and it will never be the case at all. Frustrations and regrets are the end products. The children embark on their issues and parents rank so low in their list of priorities. Imagine again the caliber of my children's mother that I had planned to engage is quite different. I do not largely regret having not gotten the character of the lady I wanted but of course I had few regrets which have since subsided. However, I am happy for her for being my better half who has indeed supported me during high and low times.

It is therefore important to note regrets in life are commonplace since we sometimes plan to do things in given way but we end up achieving different results upon which we regret. Life is indeed a motivated web of regrets because of non-achievement of our desired goal in a manner planned or otherwise.