October 7th 1985; the day of rebellion, the day of defiance.
The last hurrah of the summer months had fizzled out to welcome the dejected autumn season, I for one wasn't too pleased with this development. A year of loss – something which I had never envisioned experiencing at such a young age – it was finally ending.
Winter was fast approaching like a chariot filled with anguish as the last of the dying autumn leaves could be seen making their way to the scythe of the grim reaper. I watched them fall one by one through my blurred window as I contrasted them with the ones I had sketched a month earlier. A vast variance could be seen between the two, one filled with plummeting leaves the other scarce.
I was once again at my home in the hills, as we always were in preparation for the winter months. I looked at the last of my paintings every day, not knowing why, it made me feel empty. I saw a reflection of my former self in them. I think, well I am still the same being, but it felt different to the 'me' of the present.
As I stared intently at the fallen leaves I heard a raven bellow a somewhat cynical cry; from afar I saw this mysterious bird paint the skies in its jet black feathers along with its mischievous aura. It too was making its way to the grim reaper carrying its departed infant to the nest of the fallen. The cry was deafening, echoing through the barren landscape and signalling its anger towards the careless world however it seemed like it was signalling something else also.
As I tried to decipher this hidden meaning I heard another cry however this time it was coming from my father.
"Hewitt!"
A bellowing thunderbolt could be heard approaching my door; I jumped from my seat in fright, snapping back to reality in the process.
"Didn't I tell you that we are attending the banquet this evening? Make haste and get changed into more suitable attire before I tear that canvas to shreds."
I faintly replied with the words, "I don't want to," however I retracted that statement and instead went with "I shall get changed this instant".
He slammed the door shut, without any reply as per usual. I had nothing to say, but comply with a statement imposed on me.
I composed my frightened stature and proceeded to get dressed in a heartbeat. First my ironed chalk white shirt to my chic charcoal jeans and finally my dark cerulean jumper. Putting on my shoes I felt some sort of pride, like I was off to fight in a ravaging war or off on an expedition for unfound treasure. I wonder why I felt this way, what treasure laid at the summit of the mountain and why was I exploring there?
Our transport had arrived at 8pm sharp and the driver (a slave to our erratic schedule) could be seen with a vivid expression of hatred, his eyes bloodshot, scorching with anger. Towards me, towards my parents and towards people itself - he clearly hates us all; there was no denying that apparent fact.
Everyone turned a blind eye to it however, consumed in their idyllic present.
We left with celerity, arriving only an hour after our departure. On arrival we were greeted by a man with an extremely well-tailored suit. Fine white linen, a silky lapel collar and shoes as shiny as can be. This was relatively peculiar since the banquet we were attending wasn't something of such high social benefit. I stood in a daze wondering what the catch was to his appearance.
"Oh you're here our guest of honour, how are you? I wasn't expecting you this early Hans – or rather Hewitt how rude of me to call you by your first name, without introducing myself first that is - you can call me by the name Robert"
Suddenly I awoke from my daze partially; someone was actually interacting with me. Usually my father would do all the talking and I would just stand there and nod along thinking about all the things I could do when I got home. This was again peculiar. He had just called me the "guest of honour" what on Earth did he mean by this? How did I bear so much importance in such a high class banquet surrounded by politicians and landowners?
Then I realised, wait a minute didn't this man just call me by my name let alone my first name itself - how did he know this information; though I didn't have the luxury of time to think about a plausible cause so I went along with it. Any longer without a reply and the man would think that I was deaf.
"I am quite fine sir," I replied with caution, still slightly dazed by the situation.
"Sir, ah aha, no need to call me sir – Robert will be more than enough after all you're practically a member of my family at this point".
"Excuse me, family? What on Earth do you mean 'family'?" I shrieked utterly, flabbergasted at his words.
The whole hall went silent for a few seconds, then dozens of seconds and eventually a whole minute. The silence was unbearable, my father, clearly not pleased with the turn of events, apologised on our (well my) behalf.
"I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding, we haven't informed him just yet," he said whilst menacingly staring bullets into my confused eyes.
The strange man replied, "Oh how silly of me to assume you did, the fault is all mine – anyway let me welcome you in and show you around this exquisite hall".
Life came back to the dead hall as people resumed their baseless conversations; most likely boasting about their money, land or power - as the rich usually did.
Now I was again completely dazed by the situation. What did he mean 'family'; we weren't related in the slightest – unless I secretly had another relative – no way that can't be the case, right?
I was quickly being huddled along the expensive velvet carpet, straight to the epicentre of the banquet. Dozens of waitresses and waiters stormed through the halls at unimaginable speeds, considering the fact that they were holding newly cooked dishes and freshly poured wine. Hundreds of people surrounded the banquet table all of different proportions however with one thing in common, power. This was definitely an upper-class banquet.
Standing at the epicentre I wondered why there was so much focus on me, why was I being treated like such a king? I had always been treated as a pitiful birth up until this day, but now what had changed it so drastically? Pondering the notion, I was disturbed from my thoughts by a deafening bell.
"Everyone stop what you're doing and listen here for a brief second!" announced Robert.
The whole hall went silent, not a word, gasp or noise almost as if he was going to declare a murder scene however he then pointed directly at me; what was going to happen now?
"Now that we all are silent I would like to introduce our special guest of honour annnnd – my future son in law"
The hall erupted into both laughter and applause, the light from the ancient lamps beamed on me, I was the centre of attention.
I hated it.
I had so many questions, without time for them to be answered. Every time I would try to ask one, I would be scurried off to meet someone completely random or served something to eat or drink even though I wasn't the slightest bit hungry. My mind was going blurry, I needed some fresh air.
"Umm I feel a bit nauseous I'm going to pop out quickly for a bit of fresh air," I declared hesitantly.
"Why of course anything for my son in law, I mean future son in law, ahaha," Robert insisted
And with that I had permission to leave for a short while; I stumbled dizzily through the overcrowded halls trying not to gain anyone's attention and I succeeded. One minute of complete nausea later, I had arrived at the balcony facing a river filled with illuminating water under the shimmering moonlight; this was enough to restore my senses.
"Now what exactly did that man mean?" I said whilst exhaling a breath full of confusion.
Then a woman, of a similar age to me, emerged from the shadows of the balcony, I had no clue someone else was present - they completely concealed their presence as if my words awoke them from a deep slumber.
"So it's you then I assume," she uttered - clearly without any sort of happiness.
Her face had smudged makeup with angered tears running down the sides of her face, seeking revenge for what life had done to her. Her eyes showed discomposure and her feet unsteadiness, I had definitely done something to upset her however I had no clue what I had done.
"Is it you then? Answer me!" she shouted with an irritated expression however not loud enough for the hall to hear (thank god).
"Umm – I'm not entirely sure what you mean miss – did I perhaps do something to you?" I said hesitantly.
"Don't play dumb, you're like the rest of them aren't you? I bet you just want to use me too, that's why you're going ahead with this right?"
"Huh? No quite the contrary, I really don't know what you're talking about, I would really like it if you could inform me on the reason".
"You really don't know, you're lying, there's no way you would come here without knowing why, you are Hans right?"
"Yes and I really do have no clue"
She seemed expressionless and completely confused at my reply, but seemed sold on the fact that I didn't know what was going on.
"You really are oblivious aren't you - well this was meant to be a place to announce…" she went silent.
"Announce what; look I won't be able to help you if you don't tell me the circumstances".
"Announce – announce our proposal," her tears were refuelled with a fuel source of unimaginable intensity.
I stood there again completely flabbergasted watching the girl absorbed by her rejolted tears. Our proposal – what – I had never met this girl and was expected to propose to her and today of all days. Why did no one tell me such crucial details?
Oh I know why…
They knew I would reject the idea, they knew under the circumstance of having hundreds of people surround me I would mould to their intentions; they knew I would be too embarrassed to disobey. Now I know why.
"I'm sorry I had no idea what this was for, if I had the choice I wouldn't force you to do anything – let alone accept the proposal."
"But you do have the choice though," She said, emerging from her deep slumber.
"Yes, you may be true, but look at the amount of people here right now – at a later date I will try to find a reason to call it off, I promise".
"You're lying, what right do I have to believe you, huh – you still haven't proved to me that you're different to all those cowardice men standing in that hall right behind us – there is no way I can trust someone like you".
This conversation clearly wasn't going anywhere; words were being thrown to the wolves, a complete free for all at that. I felt her distrust growing by every word that left my mouth. I need to reconsider my options; what would cause the smallest uproar and still make her satisfied. If I leave it till late it will only cause more problems, too early and everyone will hear the outrage from both families. Ahh I have no clue, what should I do.
"Miss," I said before being interrupted.
"You can call me Charlotte".
"Well then Charlotte, what do you propose I do?" I asked hoping for a plausible idea however she looked at me with utter disgust.
"IF I KNEW THEN I WOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU!"
I had realised from her angered expression that she knew she had no rights in the eyes of the upper-class, regardless of what she said to her family - it would bear no significance – only I had the minimum amount of power (as a man) to call off the marriage, but even that was a stretch, I was still a puppet in their eyes.
"Whoa whoa calm down we don't want everyone to hear, I was just asking for suggestions, anyway I suggest we call it off right here and now, although I probably will get reprimanded by parents for causing such a disturbance…"
"Yes yes, we can do that," she replied clearly pleased by the prospect; not fazed at all nor felt remorse about the effect on me.
We looked towards the hall and looked back immediately after seeing all the devils' eyes; having second thoughts about the punishment I wasn't set on this being the only option.
The fright got to me.
"Maybe there's another way, I mean we c…" I was cut off as Charlotte burst into tears once again, but this time it was different – it wasn't sadness, nor was it anger, it was despair. She flailed her arms onto my stiff shoulders and pleaded with me, with sheer desperation.
"Please, please, the embarrassment will only last so long, please do it – I'm at my limit I can't handle any more stress,"
I looked into her eyes; they were the eyes of suffering. I had never seen eyes like those, but could tell immediately that they were in pain. The tears moved me; I couldn't bear seeing someone suffer so much because of my cowardice.
I had made up my mind; I was going to do it regardless of the consequences.
"I will do it however you will come with me and support my words."
"Of course that is the least I can do," she said with a tone of relief however it didn't really seem sincere.
I was going to defy society and my family in one fell swoop, I kind of like the prospects of that.