1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
They say confession is good for the soul. As believer when we come in contact with the power of God's forgiveness we are required to confess our sins and faults before him. The Bible tells us that "it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." (Romans 10:10). I am quite sure that as Christians we believe that "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. However, we may at times do not feel or experience forgiveness after we confess our sins, even though we know that the promises of God are true. What we do is that we do not accept forgiveness and we do not forgive ourselves.
In November 2006 , I was raped by a guy who claim that he likes me, but I was just learning at the time to know me, to love me so I did not pay him mind, so he do the worst thing possible. With that event happening I end up getting pregnant, I was so confused, hurt and broken, I never ask for any of what was happening to me. My adopted mom found out went to the doctor and phycharist and they all asking me what I want to do. I do what I thought that was best for me, I told them I want to get rid of it. There were three things that cause me to make the decision, 1. Mommy was pregnant at the time 2. I was not working and 3. I never consent to having sex. It was not easy the pain that comes with it was really hot. I don't believe mommy and I have spoken about this incident since.
In 2009 when I recommit myself back to God I ask God to forgive for what I have done but I did not forgive myself. For years I regret that decision that I made because the child was innocent in all this. I blame myself for that has happen.
I struggle with fact of not forgiving myself even though God forgave me a long time ago. I struggle with the fact that I may not able to conceive a child when I am married. Until one year I was a youth retreat and God corner me and said to me it was not your fault so it is now time to forgive yourself as I have forgiven you. That right there break me to pieces. Now I am renewed and I stop questioning myself what if I have done otherwise.
When you ask God for forgiveness for something that you have done the relief and newness that you feel. It is a wonderful freedom we can experience when God forgives our sins and we can forgive our brothers and sisters and when you forgive yourself as well.