When I found Kynlee in the bathroom, my chest constricted at seeing her so upset. Everything inside me screamed to hold her, to make it better. I wrapped one arm around her back and the other under Lee's bent up legs and pulled her into my lap. Once she was resting against my chest, I tried to comfort her, "Shh, it's okay beautiful."
We sat like this, her nestled into my chest while on my lap, and I simply tried to give her my strength, support, and love. Lee didn't meet my eyes, but apologized. Everything that has happened to this wonderful woman, and she is apologizing to me for being upset? I rubbed her back and kissed her head. "Oh beautiful…how many times do I have to tell you? It's okay to have emotions. I just wish you'd learn to come to me, to talk to me, instead of running off on your own." I sincerely hope some day this will sink in.
I was broken from my reverie by Lee's quiet voice, "I did it again didn't I," she asked. "I'm just so used to being alone."
How can she not see I want to be here for her? She isn't alone, I'm here for as long as she will have me. I had to take a deep breath to calm my raging emotions that wanted so much to wrap Kynlee up in bubble wrap, keep her safe, and fix everything in her world. My inability to protect her from the hardships of life frustrated me on a whole new level I'd never felt before. I took another calming breath before I stated, "you are not alone anymore. I love you and I want to be here for you."
She didn't respond immediately but used both her hands to wipe the tears from her face. I hated to see such sorrow flowing from her eyes, but at least she was letting it out. Finally she looked up and met my eyes rather tenatively. I didn't rush her, I just waited until she finally spoke, "I don't make that easy do I?"
Had I missed something? I needed to clarify, but the look on her face had me tilting my head and smirking when I asked, "don't make what easy?"
"Being there for me…loving me?" Lee spoke so quietly I barely heard her.
"Oh Lee," I start with a tightness in my chest, "you are very easy to love." It never ceases to amaze me how skewed her vision of herself is. I see a completely different person, one full of love, intelligence, spunk, and the potential to be or do anything she sets her mind to. I needed to lighten the mood.
"You have quite an independent streak," I laugh, "but you are easy to love." I continued to smirk at her as I waited for her response.
Lee smiled in return before asking questions about the ventilator. I clarified what we were planing and then explained we needed to get back so Kedron didn't worry and the RT wasn't waiting.
I stroked her hair almost mindlessly as we talked. I ran my hand from the top of Lee's head to the end of her ponytail slowly but repeatedly. It had a calming effect on me.
I continued to explain and try to put her mind at ease, "remember there is a nurse in the room with him pretty much all the time right now. The time to do this is when he is still in ICU. It's very low risk Lee. I hope you know I'd never lie to you."
She startled in my lap, leaned back enough to meet my eyes, and decreed seriously, "I trust you Wam. Thank you."
I raised my brows in surprise and questioned, "what are you thanking me for?"
Lee smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck as she moved to straddle my lap. An involuntary moan fell from my lips before I pleaded, "Kynlee, I only have so much control. Stop moving so much."
She laughed as she hugged me close but thankfully took mercy on me and stilled her hips. "Thank you for being you. For caring, for being honest, and for supporting me. It means the world to me." Kynlee pushed with her hands on my shoulders, sat back, and placed her plump, full lips on mine. It started out as an innocent show of affection, but soon our mouths were open, our tongues tasting each other, and my hands were pulling her hips tight against my body. I couldn't get close enough to her, but as I rubbed our most intimate areas against each other, Kynlee moaned.
That moan had my length hardening to the point of being painful.
Her fingers tightened in my hair, she moved her hips rhythmically, and I swear she tried to pull my soul out through my mouth. Fighting against my instincts to dominate and take care of Lee's needs, I pulled back, placed my forehead against hers, and attempted to regain my breath.
As I sat there panting like a horny teenager, I explained, "I'd love to take you right here Lee, but this isn't the place or time. We need to get back."
I saw Lee's cheeks pinken, her eyes cast downward, so I put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up. I waited to speak until Lee met my gaze. "Hey," I kissed her on the forehead, "I love the chemistry between us. You don't have to be embarrassed. I just don't want you upset with me because I put the brakes on." I was minimally worried she may be upset I stopped us and I continued to study her.
To my chagrin, Lee smiled and kissed my forehead in return. "Naw baby," Lee said in a husky tone, "you're right. I'll get you later," She then gave me an exaggerated wink.
I couldn't hold back my laugh in response to her playfulness, but I had to know, "is that a threat or a promise?"
Kynlee stood with her hand out to help me up. My hand in hers, I stood and dusted off my pants with my hands. When I looked up, I saw Lee watching me and asked, "what?" I couldn't help but smirk again. This woman just makes me happier.
"I was just thinking how handsome you are. In answer to your question, it's a promise. I'm a lucky lady though because you aren't just a pretty face," Lee laughed as she teased me.
Pushing her body back with mine, I caged her in against the tile wall with one hand on each side of her head. Two could play this game. If she was going to be playful, I would meet her head on. I raised one eyebrow and teased, "what else am I then?"
As she answered my question, I didn't respond much until she said, "you're a very generous lover." Hearing those words come from Lee's lips made me want to strut around like the only rooster in a barnyard full of hens. I almost threw my head back and crowed, "I am, am I?"
Lee nods, her cheeks now blushing red. She slides her right hand up to place over my heart, and finishes her reply by saying, "I only hope I can return that much pleasure to you."
Lee then wraps her arm around my waist and rests her head against my chest, next to her hand .
After teasing me about how she isn't impressed by my money, Kynlee thanked me again, then explained, "your money isn't I love you. I love your personality, your caring nature, and that even at my lowest, you didn't let me chase you away."
I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with all the praise, so I wrapped my arms around Lee's back and hugged her tightly to me as I admitted, "I do have faults Kynlee. You just haven't seen many of them yet."
Kynlee teased she was shocked "the great Dr. Teton" had flaws. I tickled her as payback for teasing me and felt warmth in my chest at watching this beautiful woman laugh in an unrestrained manner. I went on to list some of my faults before I finally said, "As much as I'd love to hold you all day, we need to get back." I pulled back, unlocked the door, and went out into the hallway where I waited for Lee.
As we entered Kedron's room, I saw his eyes were watching the doorway and not paying any attention to the Nurse and Respiratory Therapist in the room discussing ventilator settings. He must have really been worried to watch like that.
I can only imagine how helpless he must feel to be paralyzed, intubated, and on a ventilator. An otherwise healthy, good looking, young man, used to being the bread winner, is suddenly completely dependent on others for his care. I guarantee he would have run after her if Lee was upset under other circumstances. Currently he is unable.
The Respiratory Therapist wrote out a decision tree with specific settings for the ventilator to help strengthen Kedron's thoracic muscles. The settings are changed progressively in small increments in order to decrease chances of complications. Other settings are given for common minor complications and in case of emergency.
"You want to eat out or eat out? The choice is purely yours," I joked as we finally left the hospital. It was already afternoon and we're headed for my SUV.
Kynlee laughed in response, "how generous of you to give me such a choice."
"I'm sorry we can't go home and cook a nice meal. The cabin will be fixed in time." Lee nodded in response to my explanation, but I continued to talk. "Once the cabin is fixed, will you please move back into the cabin? I've missed you," I admit.
Kynlee looked at me from the passenger seat with wide eyes, as if she cannot believe what I just said.