I got up, stroked Kedron's hair off his forehead, kissed his cheek, and whispered, "I love you K. You come back to me, you hear?" I straightened and wiped a lone tear from my cheek with the side of my hand. My busy day and the stress of Kedron's impending surgery were starting to catch up with me. I felt a tightening in my chest as I watched the two nurses wheel Kedron off to surgery. The idea that he may not make it through this was a real possibility. One I was not ready to face.
Wam stood, wrapped me in his arms, and held me. "I'll do my best to help Kedron my love." Then with a chaste kiss, Wam walked away. Once in the open doorway, he turned back to look at me and said, "Lee..." he waited for me to meet his gaze before smiling. I did my best to return the smile, and Wam continued, "I love you and I'll see you as soon as possible."
I nodded and blew Wam a watery kiss as I was crying in earnest now. "I love you too," came out much more steady than I felt. Wam walks out the door and turns in the direction of the elevator.
Worse than being left alone, I'm left with my fears, my insecurities, and my thoughts that are racing through my mind at a mile a minute.
Feeling deflated and no longer needing to hold myself together for others, I sink back down on the metal chair and allow myself a good cry.
I'm not sure how long I sit there with my head hung low and my body wracked with sobs, but I hit a point where I'm not sure I have any tears left. How's that country song go? "Every storm runs out of rain…"
I took a deep breath and then stood. Stretching my tense muscles, I sway back and forth with my arms in the air. A sharp knock at the door and in walks Pastor Maggie Dickson. With a smile on her face, she says, "Ms. Knutson, I've come to show you to the ICU waiting room."
I return what I hope is a smile, but fear it appears more of a grimace, and nod my head. Truth be told, I was relieved to see a familiar face. "Thank you Pastor," I replied as we headed down the hall.
As we entered the elevator, Pastor Dickson put her hand on my shoulder and offered, "it'll likely be hours before your brother is in ICU. What about a drink and a bite to eat first?"
I turned my head to meet her eyes with a look of what I'm sure is confusion. Pastor Dickson studied my face and her smile widened. "I'm due a break and am going to get a bite to eat. Would you care to join me before I accompany you to the waiting room?"
I thought briefly about how long ago lunch was. I don't really think coffee counts as a meal, and it's all I could stomach since lunch. "Thank you for the offer," I replied. "I'd love to join you if your sure it's okay?"
"Of course Kynlee. It's a Friday night. People are not here unless they have to be, so hopefully it'll be quiet," she explained with a smile. I simply nodded and walked along side her once the elevator opened to the floor where the cafeteria was located.
"So how did you know I was here," I questioned meekly.
"The nurse's station called me and asked if I could please show you to the ICU waiting room. Of course I said 'yes'. I was happy to touch base with you again," Pastor Dickson said as we entered the room adjacent to the cafeteria that contained numerous vending machines. "What would you like Kynlee? It's on the house tonight."
"I'm not all that hungry…how about this sandwich and a coffee please?" I answered as I pointed to the particular chicken salad sandwich I was referring to.
Pastor Dickson chose my sandwich, one for herself, and then two coffees. I helped carry the sandwiches in their plastic wrapping. "Thank you for the sandwich and coffee," I murmured.
The Pastor smiled again with her response, "you are most welcome. Let's eat before it gets warm. That sounds backwards from most food huh?"
I couldn't help but smile and nod in return as I opened our food. Once I started eating, I was hungrier than I realized. I made short work of my sandwich and then sat with my coffee as Pastor finished the first 1/2 of her sandwich.
After a quick drink, she asked, "so what brings your brother back into surgery? Is there anything I can do to help?"
Holding my warm cup on the table top, I took a deep breath and explained why Kedron was back in surgery. I didn't hold back once I started talking. The whole story about Dr. Adams, Kedron leaving before surgery for rehabilitation, how Wam was accused of wrongdoing, and now the mishap that took him to surgery.
Finishing up her sandwich, she took another drink before replying, "Wow, a lot has happened since I last saw you. I'm so sorry Kynlee. I'll pray for your brother's recovery and for strength and wisdom for you."
"Thank you Pastor," I whispered as I fought back the emotions that were again fighting to pour out my eyes. "I think Kedron can use all the help, all the prayers he can get right now. I appreciate the coffee, sandwich, and your willingness to let me bend your ear."
"It was my pleasure Kynlee. Shall we?" Pastor Dickson asks as she gestures toward the door. I nod as we throw our garbage away.
A Security Guard walks in as we are finishing cleaning up. The tall, broad shouldered man in uniform, stares at the machines while pushing a button every so often. Finally he enters his money and a series of 'clunks' can be heard before he pulls out a diet soda. In one quick movement, he twists off the cap and takes a long swig.
As we near the door, I'm stopped in my tracks by squawking from his walkie talkie that screams, "security to surgical suite 4 stat! Armed intruder in the suite. Police are on their way, but need to box in the perp."
The Security Guard hastily puts the cap back on his bottled soda and runs past us, out the door. His heavy footsteps can be heard as he speaks into his walkie, "on my way." Several other voices and static can be heard as he runs past us down the hall and out of sight.
Pastor Dickson and I look at each other, our eyes wide, trying to make sense of what we just heard. All at once it hits me and I gasp. My hand flies up to cover my gaping mouth and my breath rate speeds up exponentially. I'd have likely sunk to the floor, but the hall wall behind me held me up.
"What's wrong Kynlee," Pastor asks calmly, with her hand on my shoulder.
"I th..think Kedron was in suite 4. Oh my gosh…" I couldn't believe this was happening. As soon as I regained my composure, we headed down the hall, the same way the Security Guard had gone.