"I have no idea. It's my first time making this contract. The only other Shadow that had a contract with a Pure Soul never made it back to the Darkness. So there were no records of her experience in our database."
My eyes rounded with horror. "You mean she died?"
She just shrugged and propped her feet up the center table. "Who knows? Technically speaking, we're not capable of death. That's a privilege exclusive to mortals. But I can't say if the same thing applies to a Shadow that made a contract with a Pure Soul. There might have been a possibility of her being capable of death after the contract."
Capability. Privilege. She spoke of death like it was a good thing. I turned to her and rested the side of my head on the sofa. "Do you mean you took the risk of making a contract with me without knowing the side effects? I don't know if you're too impulsive or just fearless. What if something bad happens to you?"
She studied my face for a long time then a small smile formed on her lips. "You might think that I made an impulsive decision but there is nothing for me to fear. I'm merely doing my job."
"Well, I'm different. I have a lot of fears. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid of hurting people. I'm afraid of getting hurt." My lids slowly closed but I kept ranting on with a sleepy voice. "Maybe that's why I was always a step behind. Maybe that's why I have so many regrets. Maybe that's why I ended up in this place like some main character in a web novel."
I felt her touch my hair and gently moved it away from my face. "Death is what makes life precious. And the fear of it is what makes you human. Only Heaven knows how and why you ended up here, but there's one thing I am sure about."
"What?" I asked sleepily as I felt her tapping my head.
"You may not be on the smarter side of the spectrum but you definitely have a good heart."
Her sudden gentleness towards me made me chuckle. "How would you know that? We've barely known each other for a few weeks."
She flicked a finger on my exposed forehead which made me open my sleepy eyes and stare back at the captivating orbs in front of me. "In that period, I've managed to know everything about you ever since you came into existence."
"How?"
"I've gone through your record." She answered simply as if expecting me to understand everything that she was saying.
I was really sleepy but I tried shaking my head awake. Then I frowned at her. "I thought my record had been submitted to your HQ? Isn't that how my shadow received a vessel that she used to steal your ticket home?"
"I claimed it after we made a contract in exchange of the vessel that I had with me." She put a finger on the center of my chest and I felt something stir inside me when she did that. "I needed something to scribble on if I were to stay with you for the rest of your life."
"So now you know everything about me? Even my darkest secrets?" I could not help but laugh at the thought.
"That's how I learned about your feelings for the other Zeanne." The smile on her face made me feel sad for some reason. It's like she was pitying me. "I know how badly you want to go back to the other world."
I chuckled at how accurate her observation was. "Can I go back?"
"You can." My eyes grew large at her words, making me hopeful. She patted my head once again. "Once the contract is complete, we can bring you back to where you belong. But is that really what you want?"
I sat up straight. "What do you mean? Of course, I want to go back if I can."
"Why?" Her question nearly drove me mad.
"Why? Why are you asking the obvious?" I tilted my head at her with astonishment. "That's where my family is. That's where my life is."
"But in that world, Zeanne will never be yours."
Her words sent daggers straight to my chest. But I squared my shoulders and leveled my eyes with hers. "In this world, she isn't mine either. She's in love with the dead Arthur. Not me."
She let out a sigh. "Then make her fall in love with you."
I froze at her tempting suggestion. And I would have to admit that for a moment I seriously considered the idea. How nice would it be to be at the receiving end of Zeanne's affections? Waking up with her every morning for the rest of our lives would be a dream come true.
The corner of my lips lifted into a wry smile. "No matter how nice a dream is, that's all it's ever going to be. A dream."
"Unless you act on it." She really knew the right words to say to make me sway.
I turned on my back and closed my eyes in resignation. "I've seen how happy she was and how happy she could be if she's with him. And it's just impossible to unsee that. You told me so yourself that even in this alternate world, they were meant to fall in love with each other. If only I didn't rise from the dead."
"Fate is not the will of God but the will of men. It's a thread that's being woven based on the decisions that humans make. Whether it turns into a gown or rag cloth is entirely up to you humans." She chuckled with disdain. "But it's just so much easier to blame everything on God's will when things don't work out your way, is it not?"
Her words hit home and guilty laughter escaped my lips. "What a fancy way of telling me that I have no one to blame but myself for my acrid fate."