But I regretted it now. Upon remembering how hard my Mother and Sister worked.
Breaking her heart like this, seeing her hands trembled and hear her voice crack as she calmly called someone and say...
"Mom... I think... Sanny is de-de-." Her body rejected to even utter the word. She looked away. Her shoulders shook and she dropped the phone.
"He's not moving..." She spoke a little louder.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I was thoughtless.
It was an action I did in the spur of the moment.
Seeing her small back fold in on itself made me kneel down and cry even though she herself was unable to. She only gasped and held her chest.
Oh no. Was her asthma back?!
[Can you repent for this sin?]
As I watched her struggle to breathe, and paw at her school bag. She had long gotten over it but Mother always nagged her to carry it. Hopefully, she still did. My feet left the ground.
I panicked. Both at the voice and at the fact my little sister could possibly die because of me.
"Y-yes, I can repent! I'm sorry- just, please save her!" I shouted carelessly.
As my sister emptied her bag her inhaler fell and rolled out, as she crawled to the ground to reach for it the door swung open and mother rushed in. She quickly realized what she was trying to do, picked up the inhaler, and brought it over to her.
Like that Mother held her in that nursing embrace her gaze flickering to my motionless body at the closet of my room, and her face scrunched up.
"San?!"
She left my sister to run into my room and scream.
"SAY SOMETHING BABY PLEASE!"
My heart felt relieved as I floated.
"Baby", no matter how old I got it. It was something she always called me. It annoyed me in my rebellious phase but once I became older it was something I accepted as naturally as our amber-colored skin, wavy black hair, and Father's debt.
"I'm sorry Mom."
Mom looked up at the ceiling, at me. It was as if she could see me because her jaw dropped and her body became limp. Her eyes rolled back and she fainted. Sis rushed over.
"Mom?!"
"MOM!" I looked around in search of the voice. "Save her please!"
[She will live. Something that can not be said for you. Come now, wayward Soul. It's time for your punishment.]
I ascended, my transparent self phased through the ceiling as if pulled by a reverse gravity. I phased through all the rooms of our apartment complex, glimpsing the lives of neighbors I knew and some I never met.
Mr. Yoon was smoking near his baby again, the Milk giving Ahjumma was watching dramas while binging on fried chicken with her granddaughter, a young woman was vlogging.
These snippets of life, swooshed by as I phased through the rooftop into the sky.
But I wasn't alone. Around town, there were other transparent bodies ziplining upwards towards the glowing white sun in the sky.
Some screamed in rage while others remained quiet with gloomy expressions. Some even looked familiar, though maybe I was imagining it.
[Your time in this world has come to an end. Time to go.]
After that everything became white.
I only remember a screen flashing before me.
[Welcome to Himmel's Kindergarten. Assigning to Clay System....]
[Soul: xxxxxxxx]
The longer I stayed in that void, the more I remembered and forgot.
Since the dawn of my life, my sister was my first sister, and my mother, my first Mom. In that life, I lost them when my hometown was raided in a war and I had been stationed as a soldier elsewhere. I'd come back to that place and think of those simpler times throughout that life.
How I yearned to be near them again, to think in this life I finally had been. I ruined it. I should have stayed to watch over them a bit longer, make sure she marries a suitable husband.
Goes to a decent college, stays away from con artists.
I didn't leave them to fend for themselves in this life at least. Demolishing my Father's debt was something I never thought we'd be able to do, but it was done. Because of this, I could leave with a light conscience, still, I regretted it a lot.
So much I could only weep and gnash my teeth.