Parallel worlds. Past lives.
Don't tell me you never believed them.
As we get by in life entertaining thoughts like those will enter your mind.
"S-sahn?"
I watched her stand there at the arch of the door and stare at my body. It was as if an invisible barrier was blocking her because she couldn't enter any further.
She just lowered herself to the floor and sat there staring.
Chai was quiet, she took off her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose and blink before putting them back and staring in my direction once more.
Her trembling hands betrayed her calm expression as she picked up her phone, at that moment I felt like the biggest ass.
For at that moment, I began to remember it all.
"Bro! I made some money! Do you think this will be enough?"
When she was twelve, she cut her hair after donating it to a special center. Bald like a cancer patient, Mom wanted to berate her but after hearing it was for Dad's debt just covered her mouth and disappeared inside the kitchen.
"Here," She handed me the money but all I could do was take in her boyish cut.
She wasn't an ugly girl, if anything she had a plain appearance but without her waist-long hair, it made it hard to differentiate her gender.
"Something is better than nothing..." I told her with a bitter smile but on the inside I berated myself. I needed to work harder.
When I found out later she was getting bullied at school for her hair... and the fact she had never told me about it, I felt worse. I need to quickly make money and pay back this debt, this way she doesn't need to...
...
"You got a part time job?!"
Mom and Sis told me they got a job at the same place, but it was hard to be happy for them. They had to do this because I wasn't competent enough. I need to work even harder!
And so I did. I paid off the debt. No. It wasn't just me. Mother and Sis also worked their hardest to contribute, they weren't deadweights. It dawned on me then, but it was too late.
That same day was our class reunion, I had the time so I went over.
My two old friends, recognized me immediately. The Jung Twins.
"You seem gloomier but you haven't changed." They wrapped an arm around my neck and offered me drinks.
My soul felt like it was being showered with sunlight as I listened to their bickering and bragging about the success of their businesses. Their mother was a famous super model, and a fashion designer. It was also thanks to them that I was able to get a couple of jobs back in the day, come to think of it they worked hard too, for me didn't they?
"You two haven't changed either." They made me laugh. And as I stared at my drink, I couldn't help frowning.
They didn't complain, but I began to wonder why I didn't keep in touch with them. Was it envy seeing them become models as famous as their Mother? No, no, I remember now, it was the difference in social class.
For the first time, I became aware when I was denied entry to their birthday party after our high school graduation.
We were lucky enough to attend the same school but that was it. To begin with, they weren't individuals you'd be able to meet normally. Their mother was a celebrity, they were a precious existence.
I accepted this truth back then and I reminded it myself now with a shot.
"What are you nodding to yourself about?" Taemin asked.
"He's always been like that, still the same."
Taehyung chuckled. "Don't be a stranger and vanish off the face of the earth, we should meet up later some more, you can bring your family over for dinner, my wife's a great cook!"
Taemin rolled his eyes. "There he goes bragging about his wife just because she's a chef!"
"Huh? My family?" I got the sense he wasn't referring to my Mom or sister.
"Yeah, your wife and kids, I wanna meet them. Our kids should be friends!" Taehyung's grin was blinding.
Wife and kids. What he was asking hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Wife and kids...you have?...you were such a player..." I felt winded and smiled, I quickly averted my gaze.
That's right, we were in our forties now, it'd be weird for a person to still be single at this age.
I took a shot. By this time his kids are probably teenagers.
I took another shot. By this time probably entering junior high already.
I took another shot. Imagining Taehyung's kids...
"Whoa, slow down. Why are you drinking so much all of a- ack!
I heard a whack and glanced to see Taemin smiling politely at me.
"You can bring your Mother and sister, it makes no difference to us. Your sister is ten years younger than you right? She should be a little bit older than my daughter but the two can still be friends."
I smiled and nodded but my mind wasn't there.
As more familiar faces entered the bar, our former classmates rushed to our table, while others simply stared from afar with interest.
I slipped out sometime during this and wandered the streets.
Couples and families roamed around linked together.
"Ehhh, isn't he too old?!" I heard someone shout.
A group of young girls passed me by looking at their phone screens.
"But he's hot!"
"Well if he's hot then it's forgivable."
As I passed the window I looked at my reflection. I had an average appearance, aside from my dark skin, my Mother was an African-Indian hybrid that immigrated here thirty years ago. In a country where dark faces were rarely seen, I'd be the last face one would probably think of when thinking of husband material.
I was perfectly aware my gloominess was unattractive. Even though I had finally paid off my debt. This truth settled in.
My life was practically over.
That's what I had thought back then.