Rage. Pain. Fury.
Each step that Sophia took from me was another step towards the madness I was keeping in. But it was progress.
At first it was impossible for me to handle the spikes to my emotions. No matter how much we tried, once Sophia got to the point where she had to divert attention from my emotions, I was immediately consumed in rage.
I discussed these issues with Jan, and he said during one of our sessions that he would look into it.
And after a few days, he returned with a Skill book. The Skill was called [Repose], and normally belonged to the monk class, however anyone could learn it, it just would take me longer to get good with it.
Most fighters ignored the [repose] skill because they had a similar skill called [endure pain]. However both were passive skills that used stamina to keep active, but could not stack. There was one main difference. While the [endure pain] skill kept a fighter class from succumbing to the agony of wounds in battle, the [repose] skill did this and had the added effect of 'ensuring the user keeps a clear mind'. Through experimentation, it was determined this had added a mild resistance to the [fear] spell effect, but in my case, it was a godsend.
It gave me more control.
It did not completely solve the issue, but it did allow for quicker progress for Sophia and I. By the end of two weeks, I was able to tolerate Sophia's [shadow clone] being completely outside my body. Within another week, she could stand next to me without me noticing any issues whatsoever and be almost 5 meters away before I began to lose control.
After another week, we did hit a hard stop. It seemed that 10 meters was the magic point. Past that I lost control. No matter how much control I was able to keep, once she crossed that point, I succumbed to my emotions.
I imagined a street performer slowly adding more and more balls to juggle. We had gotten to the apex of what a juggler could juggle. Moving past 10 meters was not adding another ball, it was taking away one of the juggler's hands.
So this was where we were. But I was happy with this. Sophia could now sit next to me. She would sit next to me for our guest lectures, learn next to me as we were taught new skills such as [cooking] or [archery], and even was there when we would walk through the park.
Sophia was still a little shy though. She wouldn't want to walk through the park when others were around.
"Are you embarrassed by me Sophia?"
[Oh no, Lark. Do you remember my story on the changelings? People will always be afraid of what they don't understand. I feel like others may need more time to understand what we are.]
Of course I remembered the Changelings. They were the collectors of Genes. I had learned that they could not grow like other races did. They learned not from experience, but from blood.
They had to eat their kill for them to truely learn within the world. So while i may cap out my goblin killing experience threshold by killing and slaying 100 goblins, Changelings cap out after killing and eating one goblin. And while they did not have to do as much, they had to focus on variety of quarry over quantity. And they had to eat them.
Also the could look like any other humanoids. But this was to help with their other issue, which was their difficulty having children with their own kind. At the time I did not know what this would mean, but I was sure that I would eventually learn it during my evening classes, if it was important.
So as Sophia and I walked on our date we would go when no one else was about, early in the morning. On those mornings, I would hold Sophia's hand as a walked, and she would hold onto my arm, just as all those other couples would walk through the park.
It made me feel something strange.
There was also something else I noticed. Just as Sophia had said, Sophia's body, her [shadow clone] was starting to gain more form.
Before when I looked upon it, it was no different than that of a thick shadowy fog in a roughly humanoid shape. But then it had taken on more of a human form. When she looked to the side, I could sometimes see the shape of a smile upon her dark form. And before it had seemed that I was trying to hold thick fog, but now, if I closed my eyes, it felt no different than if I was holding someone's hand.
"Sophia, I am so glad that you are here. And I like when you laugh. I can definitely see when you laugh sometimes, and I can see you smile when you look away embarrassed."
She giggled, [Well Lark you are by far the best gentleman a girl could ask for.]
"Yes, I just wish there was a way I could see more of you. I know if I could see your eyes, I would see how kind they were."
[Patience Lark. There are more powerful versions of the spell I cast to give me form. But we both need much practice before I can use it. And there is much more I need to learn. So for now, I hope this is ok.]
"Of course it's Ok Sophia. I am just being greedy. Before I couldn't even hold your hand as we walked through a park. I am happy for what we have."
I was excited though. I thought about what all those other couples had. I wanted that with Sophia. I wanted to feel her warmth against me just as I felt it in my heart.
***