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Chapter 56 - Why Would Anyone Think Vampires Are Sexy

There are perfectly good reasons why Bob goes to Chinatown area. First of all, Chinatown is near the City Hall and it is also near New York City Court. As a police records employee, Bob delivers old records to the City office and to the Court from time to time. Not all records are in electronic system. A lot of them are still in paper forms. And they are very precious. They cannot just be sent by anyone.

Another reason is, Bob likes to take the bottle of all the ghosts for a little walk there. It is the closest "Chinese-ness" the ghosts can get.

And today Bob is going to Chinatown for a specific reason.

While Jack is busy taking Keith or Nitte or Amelia's requests outside of the New York City police job, Bob is still consistently doing something that he hasn't stopped doing since the early 2000s.

Bob has been handling justice on his own. Take justice into his own hands as his side hustle. Because justice is rarely actually realized in the real world. He has known this problem since he started out as Robert B. Smith, serving in the war.

Today, Bob wants to go there to investigate a matter. There is a nurse who is allegedly abusing the elderly people in the Chinatown area and stealing drugs.

"Oh, Robert, can you please go eat some Chinese food. I want dumplings tonight!" A ghost named Yuan always likes to watch Bob try food. Well, because Yuan, as a ghost, cannot eat food anymore.

And the ghosts still calls him Robert, regardless how many times Robert changes his name.

"Sure, Yuan, I will eat afterwards. I want to find Nurse Julie first."

"Can we get shrimp dumplings this time?"

"Not on my salary, we are not getting shrimp ones. I'm getting vegetarian ones."

All the ghosts groan. They are not vegetarians.

"What are you going do to this target today?" Tao asks. Tao is the one more interested in the task.

"I'll just have the nurse taste her own medicine," Bob then laughs, "Get it? Haha. I'm so clever!"

Bob thinks he just made a great joke there, because this evil nurse, Julie, has been slowly poisoning those senior citizens in her care.

Nurse Julie actually has a prior record where she was found guilty for poisoning her own husband who was in the navy. The NCIS almost didn't think Julie was possible the one doing the crime, because Julie had the perfect alibi. She was not around. Her husband became food poisoned and sick when he was on a ship, sailing across the ocean. Julie couldn't have poisoned her husband since she was not even nearby, right?

But they later learned that Julie had actually prepared a big package of home made cookies and had the husband bring with him before his ship sailed off. The husband then slowly ate the cookies day after day. So he slowly ingested more toxic substance each day and finally died on the sea.

She was eventually convicted, but, she was only sentenced to 15 years and she got out after 6 years.

That is why she is out. And she somehow got past the system and was able to find a job to care for people. It is disaster to let a deadly woman like her to care for other people. But, Bob reads police records everyday. He sees terrible things happen every day.

Bob usually gets Jack to go kick or beat the shit out of criminals who got off easy from the legal system. But today, Bob is kind of trying to avoid talking to Jack. Not after Jack sees an old black and white photo of Robert. And not after Kasim Bashar questions why Bob goes to Chinatown a lot, looking at him suspiciously.

So Tonight, Bob has decided to punish Nurse Julie on his own. Bob brought ghosts/spirits with him tonight, of course. They would never give up a chance to get near Chinatown.

Bob secretly sneaks in the nursing home. It is not like a high-end spa facility, so there isn't much security. He walks over to the main lobby. He looks around and sees Julie sitting at a corner playing with her phone. He temporarily retreats to a wall and whispers to the ghost:

"So the most recent police records say, there has been a tremendous amount of muscle relaxers and sleeping pills that have been stolen."

"Yeah. Nurse Julie has a bunch in her pockets right now." Tao says. He can sense that using his ghostly sense.

"I've never tried Western medicine when I was still alive. I wonder what muscle relaxers would do?" Yuan says.

"You have no muscles to begin with." Another ghost, Shou laughs.

"Shh, stop your banter," Bob tries to make the ghosts quiet down. Even though, Bob is the only one here who can hear the ghosts.

Bob then says, "So friends, I have an intricate plan. I plan to inject a whole bunch of muscle relaxers in her vein, making it hard for her to move her body like a normal person can. And then I will scare the hell out of her. And then obviously, tomorrow, she will lose her job because I will leave all the evidence of her stealing in the office."

"Sounds stupid, Robert," Tao says right away.

Bob chuckles lightly, "But I am not Jack. I want to punish her but I don't like to punch people."

"Tao, don't be so harsh. I think scaring her is a good punishment. Maybe Bob can claim he is a ghost of her victim. That will be the best punishment."

"Oh my gosh, I just have the best idea!" Yuan yells!

"What?" Bob and all the ghosts ask Yuan.

"So, I just saw that Nurse Julie is reading some vampire novels. What we can do is, Robert can make her totally powerless, by injecting her with the drug, and then scare her by telling her he is a vampire."

Bob shakes his head, "Yuan, unfortunately, women read vampire stories not because they like the horror. Vampires are not scary to them."

"If vampires are not scary, then... I don't understand? They read vampire novels for what?" Yuan is confused.

"No, modern women think vampires are sexy." Bob explains.

"What?!!" All the ghosts are actually really shocked. So much so, they start to speak in their own dialects in disbelief.

"But, vampires are not attractive at all. And they suck blood. It's just so dumb! I mean, leeches suck blood. Are leeches sexy?"  Yuan exclaims.

Bob smiles, trying not to laugh out loud.

Bob has once seen Chinese version of vampires. They look more like zombies. Pale, too, but they don't look like Count Dracula.

And they use vampires as metaphors to describe evil, money-hungry people. Chinese never could associate blood-sucking as romantic. Fleas suck blood. Whoever only thrives on blood can't be that good, but sneaky, like fleas and mosquitos. Blood-sucking means greedy and keep taking money dishonestly. That's what blood-sucking mean to them.

Well, Nurse Julie does fit "blood-sucking" actually. She poisons her victims and she takes away their medicine, and also their money.

Bob also realizes, to efficiently punish wrong-doers who slip out of legal system, he really still needs Jack to do it fast. Jack is good at using violence. And when it is done right, it's effective.

Well, Bob can try to use some violence. When he was much younger, he has done that.

"OK friends. I'll just use Jack's way to punish this woman. It's just easier. I don't have to pretend to be a vampire or anything."

Bob then lowers his body and swiftly heads to a cabinet. He grabs a paper towel and uses it to open the cabinet without leaving his fingerprints. He takes out a new syringe needle and sucks the water from the sink. He then returns the lobby, and walks straight to Nurse Julie.

Nurse Julie is about 50 or so years old. She is very shocked to see Bob.

Bob pushes the syringe to give the effect of water being pushed out of the needle.

"Now, two choices. I can inject you with this in your vein and you will die within an hour. Kind of like what you've been doing to the people you should care for. Or. You can start writing your confession letter, empty your pockets full of your stolen medications, and call the police to turn yourself in. What is it going to be?"

Julie drops her phone to the floor. Looks like she won't be finishing her vampire fantasy novel.

"I will watch you finish doing whichever choice you make. And pick up your phone if you choose to turn yourself in. You're going to need it to call the police."

"OK. I... I will do it. Who... who are you?"

"I'm the spokesperson of all your victims." Bob then kicks her chair. She kneels down, taking all the stolen drugs out of her pocket.