But I could not sleep.
For the rest of that day, I hid in my room.
Nothing anyone did could console me.
I would not answer any of Connor's mind-messages, and I ignored the repeated knockings on the door by Corwin and Simon and even Tarzan.
I simply crawled into bed and stayed there with a pillow over my face to shut out as much outside stimulus as possible.
I did not want to think. I did not want to feel. I did not want to exist.
In the sphere of nothingness, I felt no pain, no shock, and no sense of betrayal and abandonment.
The numbness that came from the stillness in my room was a salve to my soul.
By nightfall, I knew what I had to do.
I got up, showered, and then put on my white dress—the one that the twins had picked out for me at the train depot— and then I went to look for them.
I did not have far to go.
The twins were both standing outside my doorway; tall, stalwart, silent black-clad body guards, waiting for me to emerge.
As soon as I opened the door, they both looked at me, not saying anything.
I reached out and touch their arms.
"I need to go somewhere. Can you take me?"
Corwin shook his head. "It's after midnight. If you want to go anywhere, we will take you tomorrow morning.
"Tonight, you should get some rest. We will make sure you are not disturbed."
"Look Corwin," I glared at him. "I don't need to be babied. I need to go somewhere and if you won't take me, I'll go by myself."
"Sweetheart," Connor put in. "You know we'll support whatever you need to do."
"At least, tell us what your plans are and we may be able to figure out the best way to do it. I promise you, we are highly trained tactical planners."
"What do you mean?" I frowned at him.
"I—we can't tell you that out here. Can we step into your room for a few minutes?" His eyes were troubled.
I backed up and showed the twins into my room.
The bed was not made and the covers and pillows were in disarray, but I no longer cared about making a good impression.
I sat down among the twisted bed linens and glared at them. "Go ahead. I'm listening."
"First, tell us where you want to go." Corwin folded his tall frame onto the cushioned chair nearby.
I nodded. "Fair enough. I want to go to the areas indicated on Dr. Montblanc's map that are red so I can round up the primates and take them home.
Then, I want to go see my parents and ask them what's going on. We have been dallying far too long here in this luxurious hotel with nothing to show for it."
The twins glanced at each other.
Then Corwin shook his head. "I'm sorry Nana. We cannot take you back to Topaz."
My mouth dropped open. "Why not?"
"Because there's a war going on, and we cannot take you back into the danger zone," he replied.
"Then why are we here? Weren't we suppose to find the primates and Tory, and then take them home?"
What were they not telling me? And more importantly, why were they not telling me what they should have told me?
Connor came and sat next to me on the bed. "Because our only mission is you. We were told in no uncertain terms to get you out of Topaz, and then lay low and wait for Blackstone's signal for the next plan of action."
"Me?"
"Yes, you. The truth is, we're not looking for Tory to take him back, but to take you out of the dangerous war zone and join up with the Progressives force."
"I can't believe it," I stated. "There is no way."
Connor shook his head. "We couldn't believe it ourselves either. We were also operating on a need-to-know basis only."
"The fighting happened so fast, even we didn't get any prior warning."
Remember that day back at the classroom on Alder Alley, when Blackstone came looking for us and found us with you?
"He didn't want to scare you, but he didn't want to deliberately lie to you either. He figured the less you knew about the situation, the better."
"Since we would be there to make sure you were safe, he felt it best not to say anything until the time came when you needed to know all the details."
"Wait," I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to sort it all into some semblance of logic. "You say you were briefed, and you had a directive. Who—what, exactly are you?"
Corwin slowly raised himself off the chair and came towards me, crouching until he could look me in the eyes.
Then he took my hand and clasped it into both his hands, enveloping it in his warmth.
"Nana, look at me." He pleaded. I turned to him, afraid of what I would find.
"Connor and I are what you would call a Special Tactical Team, one that the Council of Mages send for, any time there is a need for specialized combat of physical and/or magikal means."
"We were sent to protect you at all costs and to get you out of the line of fire. Then, we also had to get you through to the Progressives and sit tight with you behind their skirmish lines so they, and we, could protect you."
"What makes you think I need that much protection? And what makes you think the Progressives would accept me with open arms?"
"Why does it have to be the Progressives? Why can't I stay with the mages at Topaz City?"
"Because, darling," Connor replied with gentle tones. "First of all, your mother—your real mother—is their leader. That makes you something of a princess to them."
Corwin nodded and added. "Secondly, the Council of Mages in Topaz City have their hands full fighting the Shadow Beings as well as the remaining Mage Elites who are attempting to take over Topaz City."
Connor continued where his brother left off. "There are also bands of humans trying to find a way into the bubble from the eastern front, but that's another issue we'll discuss in the future."
"The Council of Mages are spread so thin that they cannot guarantee your safety, and right now, your safety is paramount." Corwin concluded with finality.