Gordon Gretzky was a man who lived in the clouds. Clouds of weed that is. That man once smoked like a Steam locomotive; I know it. The kind with an engine running on one percent efficiency. How could I tell? Well, He had been trying to burn any plant we could find.
"Hey, hosers, can you please tell me if my eyes are red yet?" Gordon had just made a joint out of red moss.
I had a cousin like him.
"If you see dragons, we'll tell you if they're real." The squeaker snickered.
"If we see dragons, we're probably fucked." Craig shivered.
Now that I got closer to Craig, he was the pastiest dude I had ever seen. Like, if he weren't so greasy, I would've thought him a suburban wine addict with a six-figure job and a wife that despised him.
Alas, he was like the rest of us losers, but he burned up better in sunlight.
The squeaker kicked a stone, and it clipped into a wall again. On the road to Goblinsville, he played soccer with himself, screaming that he was Messi. At first, I was hella annoyed until I realized he would be an excellent target for hidden monsters. He also scouted buggy terrain well.
"So, where's Goblinsville?" I asked.
Lee shook his head, and Gordon shrugged. Finally, the squeaker opened his mouth. "Lmao, we have no idea. The retarded and goblin villagers chased us for so long. If we had just fucking turned the corner instead of entering that cave, we would've been fed for free at the adventurer's guild."
It seems everyone on this server was after them.
"You're the unluckiest motherfuckers I've met since my cousin 'Stays in Vegas' Sam," I said.
"Hmm?" the squeaker yipped like the world's ugliest siren.
"Well, Sam liked to try everything, right? So he lost his house to the mafia in a round of blackjack."
"What happened to him, then?" Gordon madly rubbed his eyes, disappointed. The red moss only gave him a nasty ass rash that spread near his ass cause that's where he scratched.
"He stayed in Vegas," I answered.
"Oh, そうですか" Lee nodded.
"Well, last I heard, he's doing quite well. He had a pretty face, so he made decent money as a male prostitute, and I think he works at the Sucker Sucker." I reminisced.
"Why two suckers? Ohhhhh, I get it." Gordon clapped his left fist unto his right palm as if he had made a brilliant discovery.
As we progressed, we came across a place where the tunnels gave way to a fair-sized crack of sunlight. Within that halo lay a single retarded villager, or colloquially, a single player. Lv999.