Carr sighed heavily, resting his chin on his hand, propped against the table. One of the lights above Kashi and him flickered. It wasn't a memory he liked to relive. And neither would this memory be.
Shock schooled any of Kashi's self control. Carr watched her features contort in a mixture of stunnedness, then a mixture of betrayal and— where he expected anger and rage there was sadness. He watched her brown eyes brim with tears, the light reflecting off of the glassy surface. "You— you knew this whole time. This whole time I was so worried about my father and my uncle and you— you knew!"
Her words echoed in Carr's head. Those were the very same words he'd said. The same betrayal in Kashi's face at this moment was the kind he had felt so long ago. Back before his world had crashed and burned. Back to a time when he'd been so content and without worry. It had been years.
Carr was eleven when he met Matthias for the first time. It was by accident that the boys ran into each other. There was a special event at an aquarium in Ohio. Elementary schools from all over the state attended. A massive field trip or something of that nature.
"Now you take good care of your sister Carr, but most importantly, have fun." His mother wished him well, kissing him on the top of his head before doing the same to his sister Eliza.
Carr smiled at his mother, promising her he would. Inside he was grumbling. Dumb Eliza. She ruined everything. She was so smart that her mom persuaded the school system to let her daughter join Carr's grade. She was only supposed to be in the third grade, not the fifth. But here she was, grinning and making friends with all the other girls in the class as if there was no difference.
She stayed by Carr's side as the buses were loaded to go to the aquarium. Her face was dimpled when she smiled, her blonde, chin length curls bobbing. She was pretty. The other girls must have liked her for that reason. Carr couldn't see any other reason they'd be friends with such an annoying girl. Carr had friends, but his mother was so concerned for Eliza that she kept asking Carr to look after her. Carr loved his mother enough to oblige, but he disliked it all the same.
Carr expected the first day at the aquarium to be a complete bore. They weren't allowed to go exploring at all, they had to find their chaperone group and go back to the hotel they were staying at. Carr wasn't sure which hotel in their right mind would host an entire school's worth of fifth graders. But to his great surprise, and, though he was loath to admit it, his excitement, Eliza was in a different chaperone group because the chaperone groups all stayed in a room and she was a girl. Carr couldn't help the grin that spread over his features.
He knew his mother would have been nervous, but as there was nothing he could do… Carr made fast friends with the three boys from his school that were in his group. Hunter, Amos, and Adam. They convinced Adam's dad, their chaperone, to let them go to the pool.
He met Matthias that day. His fifth grade class was also there for the event. Carr was running with the other boys towards the pool.
His bare feet hit the tile, slick from the splashing of the other kids that were there. He looked over his shoulder at Hunter who was gaining on him. There was no way Carr was going to lose the race into the pool. He let out a laugh, echoing through the indoor pool area. There was one outside, but Carr had never seen an indoor one. This was going to be the best—
Carr blinked a few times, his head groggy and pounding with a headache. There was Hunter… Amos… Adam. And…
"Hey are you alright?"
"What'd ya' do that for?"
"Yeah, what was that?"
Carr couldn't tell which boy was saying what. Or who the fourth boy was. His vision was moving. The tiled ceiling was waving around… He was moving… Adam's dad hoisted him up.
"Hey there buddy, you alright? You took quite a digger there man." Carr took a few deep breaths, staring at Adam's dad who was looking Carr over for any signs of an injury. "Here come sit down for a minute, you have a nice bump on your forehead."
A young lifeguard came over with a first aid kit. She was smiling a little at Carr, asking him all sorts of questions before she put some sort of gel on his forehead and a bandaid to boot. Her black ponytails swayed as she moved. "Now this isn't what you wanna hear, sport, but you can't go swimming until at least tomorrow. You got me?" She ruffled his hair a little before handing him an ice pack.
Carr scowled at her back as she turned to go back to her chair. But his friends turned him around and he faced another boy. He was about the same height as Carr with blonde curls on his head. He was frowning.
"This boy tripped you Carr!" Adam insisted, pointing at him.
"I didn't mean to!" he protested. He looked like he might cry. "I— I did t—trip him but it was an accident!"
"Are you gonna cry?" Hunter taunted, standing up straight. Hunter was the tallest in the entire fifth grade. He knew it too. The boy looked like he'd cry.
Carr wanted to be angry, but he could only imagine what his mother would say if he joined his friends in teasing him. "Guys he said it was an accident." Carr said, shifting the ice pack against his forehead. "Leave him alone."
"Fine. we'll be back in a little to see how you're doing, okay Carr?" Amos said, before they walked over to the pool and all three jumped in and shouted cannonball at the top of their lungs.
"I'm Carr." Carr held out his hand to the other kid.
"Matthias. But most everyone just calls me Matt. I'm sorry I tripped you. I was dragging around the pool noodle because I was playing a game. I didn't mean to make you hit your head." he frowned, looking at his hands. He still looked as if he might cry.
"Come on and sit down for a sec. Make up for it by keeping me company." Carr said, scooting over so that Matthias could sit beside him. "Are you here for the aquarium?"
"My group went yesterday. We head back to school tomorrow." He said, sitting beside Carr. "Hey look, we have matching swimming trunks!"
Both boys had batman swimming trunks on. The same pattern and style. "My dad got them for me." Carr said proudly, fiddling with the drawstring around the waist.
"Mine did too!" Matthias said with a smile. "He came back from work with a gift for me and my sister just because. He said it was because he loved us. There didn't have to be an occasion."
"Mine were a birthday present. My birthday was a week ago. I turned eleven. Mom baked a huge cake and put red frosting on it and decorated it with pirates. She's a super great cook. It was the best cake ever." He remembered the sweetness of the frosting over the chocolate cake, blowing out the candles with all of his friends there. He'd had no chores to do on his birthday and his mom hadn't even made him wash his face. He grinned at the memory.
"My mom can't cook. She has tried before but it's—" Matthias made an icky face, sticking his tongue out and pointing a finger in his mouth. "Dad had to hire a lady to cook for us and clean the house before mom killed us all with her cooking. I'm pretty sure it attracts aliens or something. We have had a mouse problem in our penthouse ever since she failed at making shrimp scampi. She lit the shrimp on fire!"
"Maybe someday you can taste my mom's cooking. She makes even vegetables taste good."
"That's impossible."
An hour at the poolside passed impossibly fast. The boys exchanged hotel numbers, promising to call the room after they got back to finish their conversation. "If you give me your address we can even write letters!" Carr promised.
And they did. Letters went back and forth in the mail every week. When Matthias got his very own cell phone, Carr used the old house phone to chat with his friend for hours. When he was a freshman in high school he scraped up enough money from his job as a part time ranch hand to buy himself his own phone. Matthias had become Carr's closest friend. Senior year rolled around for them and they were as close as ever.
Carr would laugh as he listened to Matt's wild stories. Parties, drinking, sex, and all the raging times in the city. Matt in turn loved to hear all about Carr's adventures on the ranch. They'd never been to each other's houses, though they'd planned to be at the same parties often. Carr couldn't have imagined what his life would've been like without Matthias. He'd always felt like a brother.
When his mother learned that his father was having an affair, Matt was the first person he called. And the truth came out.
"I can't believe he'd do something like this!" Carr said, in tears. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually cried. "I can't believe he'd—" His sobs swallowed him before he could finish.
"I know it's not easy dude." Matthias said hesitantly. "Some people make mistakes and it can hurt others. Like you. Like your mom. Um… has your dad said anything to you about the affair?"
Carr calmed his breathing. "He didn't even tell mom in person. He told her from a pay phone or something. I don't remember. He said the divorce papers were in the mail already."
"Wow yeah, I'm so so sorry Carr. That's gotta be so difficult. I wouldn't know what to do." Carr could hear the wariness in Matthias' voice.
"Could I come visit you? I'll take time off to come see you. I have my own truck I'll drive to visit you."
"You can't Carr."
"Look I know your mom and dad don't like visitors or whatever but I need someone Matt I really do I— Matt who's that I'm hearing on your side of the phone call?" His blood froze.
"My dad just walked in to my room I gotta go Carr—"
"Carr?"
That was his father's voice. His damned father's voice on the other side of the phone. "Dad what the hell?"
"I could ask you the same question." His father shouted.
"Dad, give me back my phone!" Matthias.
Carr's heart beat faster and faster as he connected the dots. As he realized exactly who Matthias' dad was. As he realized that— "You knew." He breathed. The other end of the line went silent. Silent but not dead. "You knew exactly what was going on Matthias. You knew and you didn't tell me this whole time. You knew! You backstabbing traitor, you knew!"
Carr felt the tears rising to his eyes as he told Kashi the story. "I'm so sorry Kashi but I just—"
He blinked back tears before he felt her envelop him in an embrace. Not one of romance, but of comfort. "It's okay." she whispered, squeezing him. "It's okay Carr."