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Chapter 5 - I'm Not Strong

Kiera was jerked awake by her mother.

"You bitch," her mother seethed, "you're the reason your father is not here right now."

Kiera couldn't help but blink a few times to understand what was going on. Her mind was completely groggy and it was quite some time before she could understand what was happening.

"Why did it have to be him," Kiera could see the tears clouding her mother's blue eyes, the only thing that she had managed to get from her mother, "Why couldn't it be you instead!? Kent should have been here instead of you."

Kiera couldn't help but stay quiet. Her mother reeked of alcohol right now and was not in a good state of mind. She knew her mother would have never told her this in a sober state. But that's where her heart pulled it's strings of pain. Her mother would have never told her this in a sober state. People lied when they were sober.

No person would lie if they were drunk.

And that's what shattered Kiera's heart. Her mother would shower her with love when she was sober, but her drunken self brought out the truth. Her mother hated her, and no matter what happened, nothing would change that. Her mother wanted Kiera to die.

"Kent killed himself because of you." her mother chuckled bitterly, "He killed himself because he thought he wasn't good enough, because of you. And then your father left with Somin. My dear daughter, she was taken away from me. And it's all because of you, you monster."

"Mom-" Kiera began but only to be slapped again where she had been slapped this morning. It hurt worse than she could have imagined. Stacey had completely bruised her cheek with her "one heck of a slap" and now it hurt more that her own mother hated her.

"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!" her mother spat, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I MURDER YOU WITH MY OWN HANDS, YOU TWO FACED SNAKE." Two more slaps landed on Kiera's face. Kiera could feel her ears pooling with tears.

"Fine, I'm leaving!" she exasperated as she grabbed her bag from the nightstand.

"It should have been you who died instead of Kent," she could hear her mother mumbling as she walked out of the house.

Sitting in the driver's seat, Kiera couldn't help but burst into tears.

She tried to be strong, but she knew she wasn't. She had not been strong anymore, not after what happened that night. It broke her down completely and she broke into tears often. She knew her brother would not want her to break down like that but there was nothing that she could do.

'You know why it rains?' her brother had asked her when she was a child.

'Why?' she had asked, young and innocent, unaware of the pains of the real world.

'Because it's a form of venting. When the clouds can't hold their pain anymore, they cry and that's when it rains. It's the same with people too.'

'But I don't cry,' Kiera pouted, 'I am a strong girl.'

Kent chuckled as he patted his sister's head, 'I know you are strong, Kie. But I'm telling you Kie, one day you'll understand. Even the strongest of people need to cry. In fact, it's the strongest people that cry.'

Kiera hadn't understood her words back then, but now it's all she could think about now.

Kent was wrong, her mind repeated. Kent was wrong.

Strong people never cried, they were amazing at hiding their own tears and fight their world. It was the weak people who broke down every other moment, crying to vent out their frustrations about the world. She hated herself for being so weak but there was nothing that she could do about it.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out, her voice barely a throaty whisper, hoping Kent would hear her from heaven, "I'm sorry I couldn't be strong."

She decided to visit Liam. He had been her emotional support all the time she had been kicked out of the house. Liam's parents, her uncle and aunt always welcomed her into their home like their own daughter. Even though they were away most of the time due to business trips, she was welcome to stay in their house as long as she wanted.

Other than that, the library was the best option at the moment, and currently Kiera had no intention to be surrounded by the books yet.

Liam lived near the school, a few streets away from Kiera's house. The silence inside the car was ear splitting, but somehow, Kiera was finding her peace in those moments of silence. It allowed her to not break into tears again and concentrate on the road to avoid any accidents.

Kiera sighed as she pulled in front of Liam's house. It was way late in the night and Liam was probably asleep. On the other hand, Liam had the habit of staying awake all night, playing games, who knew, he was playing games again?

But then her sights caught on something else. On the driveway beside Liam's car, there was another car. It wasn't much distinguishable in the darkness but it sure as hell seemed familiar to her. It almost took no time to recognize who it was.

'Stacey?'

It confused her. Stacey had made sure that she stayed away from every single human Kiera had made contact with. She made it her mission to ruin Kiera's life and any other person who tried to interact with her as well.

And that's why people tried to avoid contact with her as much as she could.

But somewhere, the small voice at the back of her mind knew what was happening. It kept on nagging at the back of her brain, telling her it wouldn't be a good idea to enter the house. But oh well, who listens to their sane minds?

She sighed as she turned the doorknob.

Kiera immediately regretted entering the house. She hadn't even realized at first but then she had heard certain noises coming from Liam's room. It didn't take the brains of Einstein to figure out what they were.

Moans.

Moans filled the entire house and it almost made Kiera want to vomit out her guts. The very thing that she had feared had come true. Stacey was with Liam. She could hear their faint, ragged conversations as she stood there, her legs rooted to the spot.

"Yes, Liam, fuck you're so good."

"Yes, Stacey,fuck it."

As if something had gotten over her, Kiera spun on her heels and walked right back to her car but not before slamming the door behind her.

Kiera broke down into tears again. Her emotions were mixed but none of them were from the positive spectre. It was a pang of hurt, betrayal and so many other emotions that she couldn't describe at the moment, but they were there. They were very much there and they were crawling under her skin, they were stabbing her heart, they had their hands around her throat, choking her.

Tears were doing very little to convey her feelings at the moment.

She grabbed her phone from her bag and looked through her contacts. There weren't many of them but her thumb pressed immediately on that one contact her mind subconsciously commanded her to. She pressed the phone against her ear as it ringed.

With a click a voice answered.

"Hola mi amigos, this is your worldwide bitch Kent Lee Mitsue. If you've reached this mail then congrats, I am busy or spending time with my fam, please leave a message after the beep."

Kiera bit down on her lips to control her shaky breaths before she started speaking.

"Kent? Yeah it's me, Kie. Mom kicked me out of the house, again, this is the fifth week in a row. You know what's surprising, a drunk mom hated me and sober mom loved me. I don't know which side of hers to believe- drunk or sober.' she let out a bitter laugh, "I went to Liam, he always comforts me with ice cream, you know, just like you did. Ice cream and Netflix. But even that cost me.

You remember Stace, yeah, she sort of stopped being my best friend and hates my guts now. But it's not even my fault, it's Connor's. And no one even cares to wanna know the truth. Stace, she was hooking up with Liam, and Liam knows what happens. I just… I feel so damn betrayed, it was my fault to trust anyone after that night.

And, Kent… I miss you. I miss dad, I miss Somin and I miss how our family used to me. Mom wishes I'd died instead of you. At least, she'd have a son to boast about. Not me, who has no social life outside of discord. Haha, it's funny how the circumstances can ruin your life when it's not even your fault.

I want you to come back Kent, I know it's useless, but I need you. I'm not strong Kent, I'm not. I… am the most pathetic person out there. I failed to keep our promise, please come back and be my pillar Kent. Only you know how much I need it right now.

I miss you Kent.

Love, Kie."