For the next week, I spend nearly every waking moment texting Jensen, except the times I'm with lee, then I try not to let my thoughts wander in that direction. He still doesn't know about Jensen coming to the garage however, I've caught him looking at me oddly and I think he knows but he just asks something completely different. A big part of me is terrified of lee knowing in case he snaps and tries to stop Jensen from talking to me again.
I've hanged out with ember for a night, we stayed up late and watched Netflix drinking off three bottles of her wine.
Safe to say, I won't be drinking that again for a very long time.
My date is in two days with Jensen, and if I'm being honest I'm nervous but excited at the same time I've never been on a date before so I don't know what to expect. Or do.
Since he came to the garage we have been texting and calling none stop, he's the same as I remember but so different as well.
The texts we send trade very carefully between friendship...and something else. I'm just not ready to think about that something else.
When I'm not tiptoeing around lee or texting Jensen, I've been trying to find a new mechanic for the shop. Which I can confirm is becoming harder than I first thought. I've seen six people so far and the only one who stood out, a young guy named rich who in his late twenties with a bald head and gold cross hanging around his neck. He has tattoos covering him and admitted he was in prison for five years. I asked what he did and he straight up told me it was because he robbed houses when he was a teenager.
Something inside is telling me to give this guy a chance but I'm apprehensive at the same time.
Soft music plays through the living room where I'm sitting cross-legged on my couch, there's only the light from my laptop screen and a few candles that illuminate the space. The window is open and a cool breeze drifts through the air bringing the smell of the trees and the essence of nature.
I really love this house.
I'm sitting going through my laptop when lee comes walking in clasping the watch I got him for Christmas one year onto his wrist.
"Where are you going?"I ask him Taking in his appearance. He's got on a pink polo shirt with blue jeans and white trainers.
Yeah, definitely going somewhere.
"Out." his tone is short and clipped making me roll my eyes.
"Suit yourself, was just asking," I mutter going back to the screen.
To say things are Tense is an understatement, for the past week I can feel the tension coming to a boiling point, I know lee is going to snap. It's just a case of when.
"Why do you wanna come?" I flick my eyes up to his before looking back down.
"No, I'm having an early night. Have fun"
He doesn't say anything at first however, I feel him glaring across the room at me, I Don't even pay attention to what's on the screen because in three..two..one.
"You used to want to come with me everywhere, what happened with you?"
I close the laptop and rub my eyes before looking over to lee.
"You lee, you're what happened to me." I make sure he can see everything that's evident on my face, " I stopped going with you, because every time you get drunk, you get angry. And it's always me you take it out on."
As if proving my point lee takes three steps towards me where I'm sitting on the couch, his nostrils flare and I prepare myself for his wrath.
"It's you that makes me like that Adria, if you would just walk away before I get too angry then I wouldn't-"
"It's always my fault lee," I shout standing up. "It's constantly me you blame for when you get upset. I'm fucking sick of it, it's about time you take responsibility instead of always pushing the blame on me."
His eyes Darken becoming cold and hollow making me anxious and uneasy. I square my shoulders refusing to back down this time.
"So that's where you're going with this?" he spits.
"What does that even mean, Lee!"
"It means you going to stand there and put the whole blame on me when, in fact, it's you, Adria."
"Oh, I suppose your all innocent are you? You haven't done anything am I right,"
"The only thing I ever did was protect you, but when you met that fucking pervert he got inside your head. You only met him a few times Adria and to this day your still fucking obsessed with him," Picking up my crystal vase he throws it breaking it across the living room. "You designed this fucking house like him, you called your shop after his fucking perverted nickname for you. For fuck sake, you restored an old fucking bike for him, and don't even pretend you never!" He roars lifting my crystal bowl and throwing it the same way he did the vase, glass shatters across the floor and the bravery I had a moment ago has disappeared. Flinching, I stumble back until I'm standing behind the couch.
"Fuck you, Adria, don't you get it? He doesn't care he was a stupid fucking wanna-be bad boy, who used you. He used you, you stupid bitch! And yet, you punish me for it."
I don't answer him, I just look down at the remains of my bowl and vase, another thing I have to throw out over Lee.
"Fuck this and fuck you!"
He turns around and storms out of the house banging the door closed behind him, with a shaky breath, I slowly step backward until I hit the wall, sliding down until my bum hits the floor I pull my knees to me.
The cold evening air breezes in from the window flapping my lace curtain through the moonlight, the only noise to greet me except my own shallow breathing. Is this the way it's always going to be with him? Is his temper going to beat him one day and he eventually snaps? It's getting so much worse than I want to admit, the consistent fear of walking on eggshells with him is draining me. Most of the time I don't argue back because this is the outcome.
Every. Single. Time.
I try to hold onto all the good I see in him but, he's making it so difficult and I think it's time I admit lee has a problem with drink and drugs.
I Don't want to say it because saying it means it's real and sometimes ignoring is bliss.
Until it isn't.
I rub my face with my hand before getting up slowly holding onto the wall, needing the support to hold me up. Very slowly I take baby steps toward the kitchen to get the brush and shovel to clear the mess, needing to focus on something that isn't my ruined friendship. I grab the shovel and a bag to go and clear it up, the music still plays from earlier, and the soft melody of Secondhand Serenade: Goodbye plays out the lyrics cutting me deep.
*> >>It's not enough to say I'm sorry maybe I'm to blame Or maybe we're the same But either way I can't breathe Either way I can't breathe All I had to say is goodbye.<<<<
Funny how a song you can listen to a million times can hit you so hard at unexpected times.
Bending down I sweep up the shattered glass from the floor and lift the broken photo frame.
It's the picture of me and lee when we got the keys to the house, his arm is thrown around me and we both are smiling at the camera. I swipe my thumb back and forth thinking about the good memories, instead of all the bad ones I'm making lately. With a shake of my head I get up I put the picture down on the table and take the bag into the kitchen, putting it on the island I open the fridge and take out the bottle of water.
Walking around the living I shut the window latching it closed, heading to the candles I blow them all out and close over my laptop. Punching in the alarm I make sure the doors are locked before picking up my phone.
With no more energy physically in me, I make my way towards my room wanting to go straight to my bed. I need sleep, and hopefully, tomorrow is better. Entering, I kick the door closed and stroll right to my bed, stripping out my clothes until I'm in my underwear I pull back the covers and climb into it. As soon as my head hits the pillow a long happy sigh escapes me, closing my eyes I enjoy the relaxing moment but all too soon a text comes through.
Lifting up my phone I swipe the text and read it, even after everything that happened tonight a genuine smile appears on my face.
Jensen: Two days, sweet dreams Adria.
Me: Two days, goodnight Jensen
Still smiling, I lock my phone and place it on the dresser, laying back on my pillow I close my eyes and try to sleep but my thoughts drift to lee.
Hopefully, he will calm down and we can talk and try to get him some help.
Before he takes it too far.
❧
Me: hey sorry I know it's short notice but I'm going to have to cancel tonight.
Jensen: Your canceling fifteen minutes before I'm meant to pick you up?
Me: I know I'm sorry, I'm stuck at work and can't make it rain check?
Jensen: Adria what's wrong?
Me: Nothings wrong. Maybe a different day Jensen I need to go ttyl.
I lock my phone and let it drop to the floor with a thud, not caring if it's smashed. Letting my head fall back to the wall I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, The tears keep coming and no matter how hard I try I can't stop them.
Today started so perfectly.
I got up, showered, came into work with a smile on my face excited for my catch-up with Jensen Tonight. Everything was going fine until lee came into the shop around five when everyone left, the minute I saw him I knew. He was dressed in the same clothes he left with two days ago, with a bottle of beer In his hand, he staggered in bumping into all the equipment I've got set up.
Noticing he was drunk and his eyes were bloodshot, I told him to leave and go home to sleep it off.
Sometimes, like right now I wished I would have kept my mouth shut, He went from zero to one hundred in a split second.
"I just wanted to come and visit you and this is what I get? Why do I even fucking bother Adria!"
He throws the bottle across the shop hitting the wall, I turn around to him and throw up my hands. "What the hell is wrong with you? Go home lee."
"No." he hollers, his voice echoing through the garage. "Fuck you, Adria. Did you really think I wouldn't have found out?" Then lee chooses at that moment to lift one of the many tools I have lying around. To fast for me to understand what's about to happen lee walks right up to my bike.
"Lee. What are you-"
His hand comes out of nowhere shoving me harshly, tripping over my feet I fall hard to the ground banging my head off the concrete floor. Pain explodes in the back of my skull making stars cover my sight, I cry out and lift my hands to my head to stop the pain, My ears are ringing as I try to concentrate through the pain thumping its way inside. It's one of If I could go back I wish I would have been quicker, lifting my eyes to him, Lee glares at me, his eyes turn dark making the hair on my body stand. When his eyes flick back down I recognize that look straight away. My blood turns cold and I have to stop the tears from coming because, I know deep down it isn't going to matter what I say.
"Lee, please Don't-"
But it's too late.
Pulling back his arm, he hits the bike hard with the tool he picked up.
*Crack. Smash. bang.*
"Lee stop it-" I manage to get up and make an effort to put myself between him and the carnage he's causing. "Please lee. Stop-"
He uses his other hand to grab my bicep and hurl me to the side. Not even looking at me he tosses me rougher than before making me plunge to the surface hard.
I start to cry, gawking as lee smashes and cracks the bike that took me years to restore.
The bike I fixed for Jensen.
I watch as the mirrors tumble and break, I watch as my best friend destroys hours upon hours of repairing and the hard work I put into it.
I cry and beg him to stop but he just keeps going and going not caring about the pain in my voice for what he's doing .
When there's nothing left he steps back before spitting on it. "Give that to him." With a look of disgust towards me, he spins on his heels and walks out of the shop. I very slowly stand up and wobble over to the destruction. When I stand over it and look down at all the shattered pieces. I crack.
A heartbroken sob breaks its way through my chest causing my legs to give out and I drop to the floor.
And that's what happened.
Now I'm still slumping against the wall heartbroken and completely devastated after lee. It's going to take me the whole night to clean this up and make a list of the parts he broke. Some of them took me over a year to find and deep down I know I'm not going to be able to repair them.
In all honesty, I knew it was going to happen, after his stunt a couple of days ago, I had a feeling he would be back in a worse mood.
A buzzing sound rings out through the garage and I crack one eye open to look at my phone.
I see the caller id and I know I should answer it, but I'm in no position to talk right now. The phone stops but starts right back again. It's not until after the fourth attempt before I finally lift the cell and answer.
"Yeah, "
"What's wrong."
"Nothings wrong,"
"Have I ever told you, you're the worst liar I've ever met?"
A small chuckle escapes me, "Once or twice."
"Seriously Adria, what's happened." maybe it's the way Jensen asks, or maybe I just really need to tell someone.
"He broke my bike." I blurt out before I can stop myself. "The one I showed you last week, he completely broke it, " a sob hiccups from me. "It's ruined Jensen, I'm never going to be able to fix it."
I try and calm myself but the reality of the situation is too much for me to bear right now.
"Are you still at the shop?" he asks me.
"Yeah,"
"Can I come in?"
Even in my broken state I frown and look towards the door. It's partly open from when lee left, I can't see behind it but I know he's there.
"You shouldn't be here, Jensen."
He's quiet for a moment before he answers me back .
"There's nowhere else I would want to be right now, kid."
The door slowly opens wider before Jensen walks in the phone still to his ear. His eyes dart around quickly until they land on me sitting with my back next to the wall. He hangs up the phone putting it in his jacket, very carefully His eyes hold mine as he walks straight over to me, I see his eyes flick over the bike taken in the damage. I'm still crying and can only imaging the way I look, my blue overalls are tied at my waist and the white vest I'm wearing has oil spilled down the front. My hair is up in a bun, my eyes are puffy with all the crying with tears stain my cheeks.
Jensen crouches down at me and puts his finger and thumb on my chin tilting my face up to him.
His gaze looks over me checking for the damage I'm sure, but then, they finally rest on mine. The way he's watching me, makes me feel so vulnerable, and all I want to do is move into his arms and have him take me away.
But that's a fairytale not reality.
"Hey," he says quietly to me, barely creasing his thumb and finger.
"Hi, " I Say and try to smile but another sob leaves me instead. A hurtful expression comes over Jensen's face when the sob explodes out of my chest.
"Come here." He opens his arms and I waste no time throwing myself Into his chest and wrapping my arms around his neck.
His arms reach around me one going under my knees, the other around my back and he lifts me.
"It's okay Adria, I've got you," he whispers and kisses my forehead. I cling to him letting myself sob into his neck, for once I just let someone hold me and help me with the pain.
I just never thought lee would be the one to cause it.
Jensen heads for the door not stopping his stride until we both exit the shop. I feel him walking but I Don't even look up to see where we are going.
"Lockup, bring me the keys when you're done." I vaguely hear Jensen say to somebody.
"She, okay?" someone asks and I think it's sam but I physically can't concentrate on anything other than the pain I'm feeling right now.
"Bring me them when your done, yeah."
I feel Jensen maneuver me as he gets into the car, Keeping me to him he sits himself down before shutting the car door. Pulling me back closer to his chest, he leans back and begins to pet my head.
"Sshhh, it's okay, just rest Adria, I've got you."
At that moment Jensen has no idea how much I needed somebody to say that.