his mother kept walking on eggshells around william and tried her best to bring him to smile. she made him his favorite dishes and bought him his favorite games. she smiled whenever he was around and at night when everyone is in their rooms, she would cry and sob until morning. the father was tired of consoling his wife, he accepted that his son is a living shell but he couldn't see his beloved hurt this way.
the first year, he would bring her flowers and presents whenever he could. he would leave his job early to spend more time with her but even with all his efforts she still wept for their defective son.
one night, a year after therapy, the father didn't come home early. he called home telling his wife that he was going out with some friends and that she shouldn't wait for him. so she didn't.
it was midnight and william was sitting on his bed staring at his ceiling, the bags under his eyes were a permanent feature of his face. he heard the keys rattling and heavy footsteps, he heard earlier his mother telling him that hsi father was coming home late so he didn't bother checking. the noise grew and suddenly he heard a loud thud, like something heavy dropped on the floor. after a few seconds the footsteps grew louder until x's door opened.
his father stood there, hunched, looking at his son. william sat upright and saw his father's figue, he was clearly drunk
'is everything okay fat-'
''NO'' the father yelled
x was surprised by the sudden change in his expression, he never saw his dad so worked up. his face was red, and his frown was so deep. his therapist told him that that's usually the expression people make when they're angry
'but why is he angry? is he angry at me? did i leave the dishes?' as x was remembering if he cleaned the dishes or not his father leaned his frame of the door and continued
''why are you like that?! why can't you see what you're doing to your mother! you're killing her! she barely sleeps or eats! she's always crying, don't ypu have a heart!? CAN'T YOU JUST SMILE FOR HER?''
'smile? smile for her?'
william always wondered why she kept crying all the time, but since she never said anything about it he never bothered to ask. he knew she was hurt because of him but he didn't know what she wanted from him or how to give it to her
''if i smile, will she stop crying?'' william asked calmly
''yes! if you start acting lile a normal kid!''
' a normal kid' he pondered
'i can imitate the others from my class' he nodded to himself, maybe if i say the things they say and act like them maybe the crying will stop and maybe i'll be able to sleep.
''okay father, i will smile and act like the other kids'' he said monotonesly
for a second his father's eyes cleared, he looked deep into his son's empty eyes and poker face and said quietly
'' act? you're not even shaking up by the awful words i just said to you. i know you don't sleep, i know you can hear her. you did nothing. you really are a heartless living doll"
the father didn't wait for a reply and staggered towards his own bedroom
thus, from then on, william became the actor his father wanted him to be. he smiled, laughed and frowned at the right times, he messed up a lot at first but that was a given. he didn't feel good about it, his therapist told him that pretending is not the same as living bit he just wanted the crying of his mother to stop. his eye bags slowly disappeared and his life was a little bit better, he tried to make friends but failed, it was easy acting around the house with his family but it was a different story with strangers, he just couldn't bither pleasing them.
his mother thought that god finally listened to her prayers and fixed her baby boy so she stopped crying, and started eating properly. she was being deceived and a small part of her deep inside her heart knew it but she kept living the beautiful lie like it was her truth.
..
5 years later a trajic accident happened. a drunk driver ran over his parents who were coming back from a date night. his mother died on the spot but his father survived.
once he woke up in the hospital and heard the news of his late wife he cried, he wept all day and night. the pain in his back and joints were nothing but a relief from the empty void he felt in his heart. the only thing he truly chearished in his mundane life was his wife's presence, and now even that was gone. he kept crying even when the doctor and nurses were checking on him. he never stopped crying even when his son visited him.
william was unhappy with his mother's death, he found himself crying like when he did that one time in the psychologist's office.
but when he came to visit his father, tears were dry and his indifferent eyes were back.
william came everyday to the hospital, since he graduated from highschool this spring and it was summer. he always sat on the chair next to his father's bed saying nothing, hours passed like that. the father's weeping was the only sound heard in the room, and at 4pm sharp william always left.
until 2 weeks after the accident, the father was able to walk again. he had a few days until he was going to be charged out. by that time he stopped crying, and spent his days staring at the ceiling. the nurses tried to confort him but to no avail, he ignored them.
william looked at his father and nodded ' he stopped crying. good, it means he's fine now. he's gonna be okay, i will take care of him from now on. i got a job at a gas station, it's not much but it will help with the rent. that way it'll lessen the burden on him and he'll be happier'
suddenly his thoughts were cut short. for the first time since the accident the father looked at william. he stared at him and for some reason william's stomach felt weird
'what? what is happening?' it felt to him like he ate expired food
'i feel sick, it might be the milk i drank this morning'
but william knew that it wasn't the milk. he wans't 13 anymore, his therapist taught him what each emotion felt lile and he very slowly started to distinguish one from the other.
this time, it was guilt. he didn't know though why he felt guilty.
his father's eyes that kept staring at him looked weirdly familiar yet very strange
'father never looked at me this way, nor at mother or anyone'
so he decided to ask his father the matter but before he opened his mouth he got caught off
''did you cry for your mother william?''
william was caught off guard, his father's pale face was so thin and his puffy eyes so red that he looked like a zombie. his sunken face reminded him of his mother's face 5 years ago when they first found out about his mental illness. he remembered when his father said the mean things to him, for the first and last time in his life, and then he remembered what happened next.
his father asked him to pretend and he did and life was happy again. mother was happy and father was happy. william wasn't though, he tried but he felt nothing. he sometimes had bursts of happiness but he could count them on one hand.
but it didn't matter cause his parents were happy. so he did what he did back then and shed a tear
the tear he shed was different from the one he shed last night, this one was fake.
and the father knew, he watched his son pretend to be normal for so long that he didn't remember the last time he saw him with his mask off.
the father looked at william with cold eyes.
no-
these eyes are not cold.
before william could answer his father turned his head around and stared at the ceiling again. after a second he broke the silemce again
'' you're a monster''
william looked at his father as the sick feeling he felt earlier worsened.
he didn't understand why his father said that. he did what was been told of him, he pretended to feel.
' i know i didn't mess up the timing'
he did cry last night and he was unhappy, but he didn't know if his father would believe him
'maybe father is right, maybe i am a monster'
william stood up and was heading for the door
''i'm sorry father, i miss her too'' he said before closing the door.
'maybe i'll bring him a cheese burger tomorrow, i know he likes them' william nodded to himself and left the hospital.
..
that night, his father went outside his room for the first time in 2 weeks. he climbed up the stairs until he was met with the roof's door. he opened it and went to the edge
he looked down at the pavement below and closed his eyes
'i'm coming sweetheart'
the next day, when the hospital called william he found out two things;
his father died last night,
and the eyes that looked at him yesterday when they had their talk were the same eyes that look at him everyday in the mirror.
..
that day, william quit his job at the gas station and went home early, he had cheese burger for breakfast.