After that we never talk for a whole day. He was just there Starring at the guys Admiringly. But when he's alone I can see that he's struggling on his own like He was defeated even if he's not trying.
The first thing I knew he was struggling was In my room where he gave me a warning. Second was According to Theodore, He's really good at everything but now he's starting to feel like he's not getting any better. If he started something, he wont finish it.
I tried to talk to Brian about this but he just laugh at me and said that it's just my imagination.
After Dinner Everyone is in their room so I had a chance to go out on my own. I was walking, to clear my mind about their issue. I shouldn't involve myself in that. They will find it nosy.
I went to the play ground where Theo and I favorite spot. I took a photo of mine and upload it on my Social Media Account with a Caption of Black heart since I'm wearing a Black Oversized shirt. I tried to swing myself but I fail. I sigh and remember How Tim Looks like when he went out of my room.
He's mood is kind of Gloomy and its scary. Whenever I met his eyes, He'll give me a cold stare. Yes it's my fault that I am a little clumsy and let him see everything but You can't blame me from being curious. This Whole vacation they're saying is a complete lies. They can say that they're struggling but they kept it on themselves and that's selfish.
I sigh. "How can I make up With Tim?" I whine.
"So I am Right. You and Tim Argue when he went out of your room." I fell to the ground upon hearing Theo's Voice behind me. "Ouch." I said.
Theo then hurriedly came to help me. "How did you know?" I asked him.
"How did i know what? A.) That You're here or B.) That you had a misunderstanding with Tim? Or C.) Both?" He ask me too.
"D.) All of the above." I answer him. He laugh at that and gave me the jacket.
"Well I knew you'd be here since this is your favorite spot or should i say Ours?" He then sat on the same swing where he always sitting whenever we're here and i sat down too on the same swing i am sitting earlier. "Tim Came to me after the Hide and seek game but he Didn't tell me what really happened. He said He's upset and he didn't know how to deal with it. And I assume its with you because I heard you asking Brian about Tim."
I bow my head and clasp both of my hands. "I Don't know how I'm gonna make up with him. He's really a great guy and a friend." I said sadly then unexpectedly tears fell from my eyes.
-End of Ami's Point Of View.-
-Timothy's Point Of View.-
After I found out about Ami's research about us, I went to Theodore's room right after the hide and seek game. He and Brian are so shock to see me but I just couldn't care. The Hell! Argh. I hate this Shitty mood swing of mine.
"Hey. Is there a problem?" Theo Ask. I shook my head and Lay on his bed. We'll always like this. Especially me since in our home I'm always invading their privacy but they just didn't care about it and let me sleep in peace.
But after five minutes I gave up and sat from laying down. I cross my legs and look at them.
"Guys. Can I asked a favor?" Both of them look at me curiously. "I did something bad with Ami. I found out some paper about us. Looks like she hire a investigator to collect some personal information of us. I got upset and went out of her room angrily."
"Really?" Brian asked shockingly. "But she's always with us. How did she have that in short time? Did she goes out without us knowing?" He continues as he sat next to me.
"Well I kinda expect Ami to do that." Theo said. Geez this person is really hard to predict. I just known it but him? He already knew what's gonna happen.
"You knew?" Brian Asked. "Whoa!"
"How did you know?" I asked. "Tell me, If you suddenly became surrounded by girls, Won't you do the same thing?" Theodore asked instead of answering my question. I went back on lying on his bed and I ended up sleeping with what he said on my mind.
I was woken up by Theodore. He said he'll be going to the playground where He and Ami is always on. I nod at him and went out of his room.
I went to kitchen to get some water and after that I went to my room. To my surprise he's there.
"Why are you still here?" I asked Theo. "Aren't you curious why She did what she did?"
"Why are you always answering my question with a question?" I asked irritated. I mean why would I want to hear all her excuses. She's just being nosy that's all.
"We both know how much this group means to you. Is Asking someone's help will falter your pride and ego?" He said while i lay on my bed.
"Come on Theo. Don't open it up."
"And when are we going to talk about all our struggles? If we're disbanded? should we wait for that?"
I look back at him and he's still sitting at the end of the bed wearing a black cardigan, and had another one on his arms, light brown shirt and beret hat and a wide white pants.
"You know what Tim? Reaching out doesn't mean you're weak, It means you're brave enough to let someone see the weakest you."
He then goes out of my room and left me hanging with his words.
I throw the pillow on my side through the door and hit someone's face who opened the door and fell to the ground alongside with it.
"Ouch! What was That Tim?" Brian asked.
Then he took the pillow and enter my room while massaging his nose. "I saw Theo came out here. Where He going?"
"To the playground." I answer him.
"You okay?" I look at him and sigh. "No. I'm not okay. I will definitely won't be." I answer him And lay back on my bed.
Like what Theo said, this is not a vacation for us, it is also a way of our manager to face our own problem. I've been struggling for about a month about the guys. I'm always attentive with them. I know all their problems. If before i can help them, now? No, We're all struggling of fighting for something, we we're torn between getting a peaceful life away from limelight or be in it forever.
"Hey Look at Ami, She looks cute wearing that black oversize shirt." Brian said then lay on my bed and showing Ami's uploaded photo on her own social media account.
"I never been here. Let's go and come there?" He ask but all I did was to lay down. Why would I go there? geez. "If you want to come go. I won't be coming." I said then cover myself with a blanket.
"You know what Tim, Maybe this is a call for all of us, Sooner or later we will face our own problems. Why not face it when we can handle it? Come on. Talk to her. You should learn how to hear others reasons so someone will hear yours."
He then goes out of my room. "Ugh this two really is getting into my nerves. Ugh!" I said.
I lay on my bed until i slept. The next Morning there's a breakfast on my bedside table and someone goes out of my room.
I stay like that for a while before standing up and stretch my body. "A Pancake with a Maple syrup on the side and a chocolate syrup with some fresh berries. So Fancy." I went out carrying the tray of pancakes that place in the study table to the dining area.
"Who made this? Theo, Brian or Ami?" I asked Cody who i saw eating his own pancake with maple syrup. "Its Alex. Theo Brian and Ami pull an all nighter so probably they're still asleep."
I don't know why but i felt a little disappointed about the pancake. I want one of them to make it. Theo probably can't but with the help of Ami or Brian maybe he can. "Why are you asking who brought that?"
"Nothing. I thought they make some. Ami is always the one cooking our breakfast." Cody then shook his head. "Na uh. Its Alex."
While eating I can't help but notice Cody being space out. "Is there something bothering you?" I can't help but ask. He just shake his head. "This is nothing Don't mind me."
After that I went to Upper living room and there I saw Nathan. I sat down on the opposite side of the chair his sitting and sometimes I'm taking a glance on him.
I notice him looking at his phone with mixed emotions. One time he'll smile then it will be back on being sad and then back and fort.
"It's your fourth time glancing at me Tim. Why?" He asked. "Are you okay?" I asked him instead of answering his question. "I'm kinda fine why?" I shook my head. "Nothing. I just wanted to asked you that."
He then left me there and Next is Alex when he's preparing some lunch for the five of us since Brian Theo and Ami still sleeping. "Alex is there something bothering you?" I asked him out of nowhere, he even spit the water he's drinking. "I'm fine. Don't worry. My problem is nothing. I can handle it. why?" I answer him the same as How I Answer Nate earlier.
"You know what If you wanted to hear someone out, you need someone to hear you out. As for me. I'm fine and it's manageable. No need to tell anyone about this little problem of mine." He then goes out of the kitchen carrying the lunch.
Then it hit me. If I want to hear out my friend's problem I should let someone hear me out.
I stayed up till afternoon at my room after lunch. I heard a knock and saw Theo. "It's already Three pm. Don't you wanna come out of this room and hang out with me and the guys?" He asked all smiles like there's no misunderstanding between him and me.
"Or do you wanna talk to Ami or Brian?" He asked when he got no answer from me.
Is it time to talk to her? No. I wont. But I need someone, someone who's ready to listen.
"No. I'll go down when dinner is ready."
Then I cover myself with a blanket. I don't wanna talk with anyone. I just want to shut down and not talk. "Okay. If you say so." Theo said.
I sigh as I heard the door closed. It's not easy to tell anyone about what I feels. It's new to me and at the same time surreal. I don't know why I want to keep them away from my problems. I maybe feeling embarrass about it since their problems is bigger than mine? Well yeah, maybe that's the reason why.
I woke up and tried playing computer games but eventually got bored and lay down back on my bed.
I close my eyes and utter words.
"I just wanted to shut down and not talk about it."
after I said those someone knock on my door. "Tim? are you inside?" I heard Alex voice.
I open the door and saw him. "Shall we talk about your problems?" I sigh and open the door widely so he can enter. Alex is a person I can't say no when he asked me something not because he's the eldest but Because he's really making me feel okay like i can talk to him that easily.
I sat on the corner of my bed as he looked around my room.
"Sorry. My room is really a mess."
"And your mind too." He said that made me stop fixing my computer.
"What?" I asked and look at him. "You're not like this when we're out of town Tim. All your things is neat. Not like this."
I look around and saw my shoes are everywhere, my laugage is not completely close properly, My computer wires is strangle with one another. The bed is really mess like the pillows is everywhere and not properly in their pillow case. Its really a mess.
"Why are you shutting down?" Alex ask. I ended up sitting back on the corner of my bed and messed up my hair. I couldn't say anything. He's always right about his guess with me.
"Tim Maybe we Should talk about it. Don't just sit there and do nothing. It will burden you more. I understand why Ami did the research. She opened up to me and told me about what happened to the both of you."
But instead of saying anything, I don't know why I shut my mouth up. "I don't want to talk about it Alex."
"You Don't want to talk about it or You just can't figure it out how to say it?..."
I was about to say something when he stopped me. "...oopps don't say anything, you'll just tell me lies. Figure it out and anytime, you can reach out to us. Trust yourself that you can handle it better than anyone else." He then left me.
I went back on lying and let myself sleep with a complicated mind.