We all just stare at one another for what feels like forever but is infact only ten seconds or so, Yanni bubbling beside me with anger, squeezing my hand so hard I yelp.
"I'm pleased to see you are still enjoying a little pain Dolly!" Harry says, winking at me as he does.
"Don't fucking call her that you Prick!" Yanni growls, leaning forward across the table, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are white.
"Down boy!" Harry goads, poking out his tongue and panting like a dog in an attempt to elicit a response from Yanni which I am quick to realise, and negate by asking Yanni to go and get us some drinks.
He seems surprised by this request but begins to rise from his seat as Harry chuckles and remarks at how well I have my dog trained!
Yanni moves rapidly, lunging across the table, presumably to inflict harm on Harry, but I hold him back and beg him not to give him the satisfaction. Yanni backs down and kisses me before heading to the concessionary to get drinks, swapping a few words with one of the officers as he passes by.
"Alone at last. Now Sydney, isn't this nice, just a husband and wife conversing together" Harry smiles smugly, leaning back into his chair, arms folded across his chest, legs stretched out under the table, the epitome of 'at home'.
I choose to ignore the comment about us being married which I know is designed to get a rise from me and just study his face. Being this close to him is giving me chills, my palms are sweating and my empty stomach feels as though it is being squeezed like a set of bagpipes!
He is smiling but the sparkle is gone from his eyes, he has definitely lost weight and his skin is very pale. He has a few days worth of stubble on his chin only, he never could grow a beard.
It doesn't suit him.
My gaze travels downward. The white round neck T-shirt he has on is hanging from his frame and has a stain on the upper right chest. He clears his throat and I look up to find his eyes darting around the room. He realises he's caught and attempts to cover, that trademark smirk on his face.
"Still got it!" he winks, then continues.....
"You'll always be mine Sydney. Forever. Always. Divorce papers, prison walls...... wet lettuce boyfriends... none of that matters. You will always belong to me!" he shrugs, frowning in Yannis direction.
I realise at that moment that I am free already, for all the reasons he just cited, but also emotionally.
Seeing him here, unkempt and scruffy, dressed in sweatpants and trainers which is something he would never willingly wear, pale and drawn I see him clearly for the first time in my life. I know he's a narcissist, evil and shallow but I now notice the weakness.
The self protective position of his body, arms now crossed over his torso. He is attempting to appear calm, relaxed and in control but the rhythmic tapping of his foot under the table, lip chewing and hypersensitivity to all around prove he is just a bully out of his depth. No longer the 'Big Fish in the small pond', but rather a lone minnow in the Pacific Ocean!
The insecurity is obvious now. His dislike of all other men, his possessiveness, vicious mind and slimy charisma all evidence of an emotionally underdeveloped, timorous, stunted personality.
Someone who should be pitied!
Holding his gaze makes me feel powerful. I usually cannot bear to look at him, but I'm filled with a surge of confidence after my realisation.
I am stronger than he will ever be. My whole life has been a fight but I'm still here kicking!
I have survived a brain injury, being brought up by a drug dependent, broken woman and her emotionally distant enabler.
I have grown under the weight of the guilt I was forced to carry about baby Dolly's death, seen a good friend pushed to the brink of despair and succumb to the darkness, choosing to end his life.
I have survived mental illness, prison, kidnapping, rape and torture.
I have survived HIM!!
I AM A SURVIVOR!!
It is almost as if a switch has been triggered inside my head! The light of epiphany shines down on me.......
....... and I smile!
Harry looks disturbed, his face more perplexed than any I have ever seen. He is confused.
His jaw tightens and I see his attempt to swallow, his eyes widening slightly and cheeks reddening. He is mad!
I laugh.
It starts as a tiny, almost silent chuckle. My smile is too much for Harry who leans forward, elbows on the table, scowling. My shoulders begin shaking, the fury that had been displayed on his face is replaced with disbelief, the depth of my laughter causing confusion.
I laugh even harder, the volume increasing dramatically as Yanni rushes back to the table, panic and rage on his face until he realises I am laughing and not screaming, then he wears the same look of bewilderment as Harry.
Yanni places 2 polystyrene cups of black liquid with a scummy residue on the surface that appears as an oil slick on an ocean . I won't be drinking that!
This thought makes me howl even harder. I am so relaxed I can think about something as insignificant as a cup of what I presume is coffee whilst sitting opposite my abuser, in a room full to bursting with undesirables. Murderers, rapists and paedophiles. The worst of the worst..... and I feel strong!
Yanni does not take his eyes from my face as he sits beside me, concern etched into his features. I place my hands on his cheeks and kiss him softly, then brush his recently coloured blonde hair from his forehead so I can look into his eyes as I pull away reassure him I'm fine.
"Yanni, I'm better than fine actually! I feel FUCKING FANTASTIC!! Come on" I say, standing and extending my arm to him. He takes my hand but remains seated and glances at Harry, who is again twitchy, his eyes not lingering anywhere, continuously searching the room for an invisible foe!
Im reminded of the scene in the film "Ghost" where Patrick Swayzes character Sam watches as his ex-friend and the orchestrator of his death Carl is dragged to hell by shadowy, shrieking demons!
I imagine that's what Harry is seeing now and I resume laughing. I tug Yannis hand and he stands, beginning to speak, but I place my finger on his mouth and he kisses it as I shake my head at him.
"I know what you want to say Yanni, but don't. Let's go. I just realised that I don't need to say anything to, or hear anything from Harry to be ok. I am ok. I'm better than ok in fact...."
"Be sure Syd... I don't want you to have any regrets or reasons to have to think about this fucker ...EVER AGAIN!" he grinds these two last words out through gritted teeth and stares daggers at Harry.
"Honestly Yanni, I'm feeling as light as a feather, as free as a bird. This is my past. It's over, finished. It's history...gone.
I'm going to thrive. WE are going to be happy together"
My little speech is intended for Harry too.
You are nothing to me.
You don't matter.
I have moved on.
You haven't ruined me.
I WILL be happy.
I turn to look at Harry one last time before casting off his shadow forever......
........ Just in time to see the colouring hulk from the next table standing behind Harry, holding him by the hair and dragging something across his neck, both mens eyes wild and wide!!
An officer hurtles towards our table calling for help, an alarm beginning to screech so loudly that many of the children start to cry. I hear them but do not see them. I haven't been able to take my eyes from Harry's!
He is terrified. He is in pain. His eyes beginning to roll as he clutches at his neck with both hands, blood flowing between them, an unholy gurgling sound coming from him as he drools and slurs, attempting to stand up but unable, falling back onto the chair.
Yanni immediately strips off his jacket and presses it firmly into Harrys neck, slapping his cheek and shouting his name.
"Don't you dare fucking die you bastard! Don't you fucking dare!" he yells, shaking Harry by the shoulders before dragging him to the floor so the medics rushing towards us can work on him easier.
A blur of black and blue limbs pile on top of 'Daddy Daycare' restraining him quickly and with ease, although I suspect that is because he does not resist and complies with all instructions.
In the midst of the chaos around us, visitors being shepherded quickly from the room, prisoners being escorted back to their cells, shouts for medical equipment, the piercing shrill siren and children screaming, Sweeney Todd is walked past me.
He catches my attention and says just four words.......with a wink and the satisfied smile of a man who is proud of his work!
"Roni sends her regards"
....... and then he is gone.