Syd pov
Ben grips the stem of his wine glass and twists it on the table, a wistful look on his face as he stares at the contents swirling gently inside it.
I sit quietly, waiting patiently for him to find the words he is searching for. I know it's going to be difficult for him to recall the events of that night, the night he lost the love of his life. I can only imagine the pain he must feel. When Yanni was stabbed I felt a pain I had never experienced before, followed by an all consuming numbness that settled into an icy ache in the location of my heart, but thankfully he survived. If he had died I feel that I would have figuratively died too, my spirit crushed, everything that makes me who I am dying along with him. I'm immensely grateful that I am not in that position.
What feels like a lifetime passes silently, Ben lost in his thoughts, me waiting quietly but impatiently for him to begin speaking. I'm about to prompt him with a question when he looks up and into my eyes, anguish clear on his features as he begins to speak.
"She really wasn't the total bitch everyone thinks she was you know. Yes, she was desperate for more, greedy even, always looking for the bigger better deal. More money, more status, fame and recognition. The stupid thing was that she could have had all of that in her own right. She was beautiful, driven and ambitious, and had been approached on more than one occasion to sign for modelling agencies, but always refused the offers, preferring to achieve her goals by association.
She and I first met in school. She joined our class in year 9 after moving to Australia from America with her mum. Her Dad had left them for a younger woman when she was 7 years old, taking his money with him, condemning his wife and only child to a life of scrimping for every dime.
Her mum did everything she could to keep them, working three low paying jobs, cleaning offices in the early morning hours for a large international haulage company, then spent the day at a department store selling beauty products before rushing home to clean up and feed Lola before going out to her third job as a hostess in a high end strip club. Can you imagine how that must have affected such a young child? To see your hero, the man who is supposed to love you unconditionally just pick up and leave, seemingly without a second thought for your feelings or welfare? He didn't even say goodbye, just left while she slept. Can you imagine how that kind of rejection takes a toll on a person, especially someone so young and impressionable?" he questions, taking a sip of his wine before pushing the glass away from himself and standing up, walking around the table and turning to face me again. I say nothing, presuming the query is rhetorical, not wanting to interrupt the flow of his thoughts. He continues to speak, now standing with his back to me looking out onto the perfectly manicured grounds of this magnificent home.
"Lola spent a lot of time alone caring for herself, getting herself up and off to school, doing laundry and keeping the home. No child should have such responsibility. She wrongly blamed her mum for that, her age and immaturity blinding her to the realities of life. It took her a while to understand that it was actually her father that had put them in this position, but by that time her relationship with her mum had deteriorated badly. By age 10 she had become hardened to the world, cynical and defensive, realising she had only herself to rely on after her mum began dating the owner of the haulage company and spending even less time with Lola. They only really spent any time together when she would go along to the club her mum worked in and sit behind the bar, observing quietly. She saw how powerful those women were, how easily the men were entranced by their beautiful faces, how the women used their bodies to secure the attention of those men who happily threw money and gifts at them. She learned how to use manipulation to control others, getting life advice from some of the dancers, lessons she never forgot. Things got slightly better when her mum married the haulage company boss. He decided to open a branch in Australia and moved them here when Lola was 14. They had a nice home with a pool, her mum was able to stay home which went some way to repairing their relationship, but Lola and her stepfather did not get on, her distrust of men fully established at this point. Between her dad leaving, the mainly married men in the club clearly wanting more from these dancers, and often getting it for the right price, and the disgusting propositions from some of the others to Lola herself, A CHILD, she decided that all men were untrustworthy, but saw how easily they were persuaded to part with their wealth."
It sounds like Lola had a very difficult early life, totally unlike mine. I grew up as an only child, the apple of my parents eyes, loved and cared for by both of them above all else. Despite my mums mental health issues after baby Dolly's death, she and my Dad continued to put me first in all things. I went to the best schools, didn't have to work to support myself throughout University, never even had to tidy my own bedroom, such was my mums complete devotion. I realise I was spoiled in that respect, and my sympathy for Lola's situation begins to grow.
"She arrived at school for her first day and every head was turned. Over the next few days she charmed everyone, casting her spell over the entire school. Those who didn't want her wanted to BE her, such was her magnetism. I knew from that first day that I would do anything for her, and she knew it too. She had this confidence, this aura that just spoke to me. I could see her fragility although she never showed it, and I vowed to protect her. We became close, spent all our free time together, usually at her home where we were mostly alone, her mum and stepdad always out. She was fun, gorgeous and made me feel like the only guy in the world. I was hooked on her, completely and utterly lost to her. We became intimate just after her 15th birthday and were the 'it' couple throughout the rest of high school. Things soured between us once we left school and I told her of my plans to become a fire fighter. She wanted status and wealth without the effort of earning it herself, and a lowly member of the fire service was not enough for her. She told me it was over as if it was nothing to her, like I was nothing to her and it hurt like hell. I didn't think I could feel worse but then she began seeing a guy a few years older than us. He was just making it big, a member of the hottest new group to ever come out of Australia. Yanni." he tells me sadly, the rejection he felt clear in his pained expression before he continues.
"After they had been together for only 4 months the group went off on their first national tour and he was away for 12 weeks. She was lonely and contacted me. I couldn't refuse her and we spent that time together, in his home. I felt guilty about that, but it was wonderful. I really thought she would leave with me and we'd be together. I was wrong. Despite the fact she kept telling me she loved me and always would, I just couldn't give her the lifestyle she wanted. So began our years long affair. I loved when 5EX were on tour, especially the world tours, as Yanni was away for months at a time. Those months were what I lived for. I know I should have been stronger, not allowed her to control me like she did, but love apparently kills brain cells.... well, it did in my situation."
He takes a seat opposite me at the table and picks up his wine glass, gulping the contents before refilling it and offering to top up mine, which I refused as I hadn't touched it since Ben started talking.
"We carried on like that for the next 6 years. She would drop me like a hot stone again every time Yanni came home. I finally told her I couldn't do this anymore. I was getting older and wanted to settle down and have a family. I wanted it to be with her, but knew in my heart it wasn't going to happen. I began to distance myself, refusing to go to her when she called. Fuck, that was so hard, but I remained firm. Within 3 weeks she had left Yanni, and the Country, and I truly thought that this was my time, that after some time alone she would realise she wanted and needed me as much as I wanted and needed her. What an idiot I was. I found out she had gone to the UK and was involved with some rich English actor. I was furious and heartbroken, and told my mum as much when she noticed how depressed and withdrawn I was. Lola called me from London and asked me to come over. For the first time in my life I refused her and I was so proud of myself" he recounts
"But I thought you went to her Ben? Your mum told me you had visited her in England. Is that not true?" I question, taking a large gulp of my own wine. I'm so confused.
"Oh, I went........ but only after she told me she was pregnant with my child!"