🧐AUTHORS NOTE: ***triple stars denote the start and end of a flashback or memory***
Sitting awkwardly in the cold metal chair alone in this stark beige room I consider the likelihood that being left waiting like this is a tactic to elicit nerves in me, then my stomach grumbles and I know it is..... and it works!
I wonder who they suspect, why that person, what the perceived motive was and what they think I will be able to tell them about any of that?
There's a click to my left and the door opens allowing access to two police officers, one male, one female. Both smile at me as they approach the opposite side of the table, the male putting down 3 lidded cups, biscuits, milk powder and sugar sachets, the female placing a couple of Manila folders beside the cups, sheets of paper visible within both. I sit wordlessly observing them as they switch on the tape recorder and state their names.....
"Good morning Miss Benfield, I'm DCI Virginia Marshall, this is DS Darren Howard. We will be recording this conversation as a matter of course, try not to worry about it, ok? How would you like us to address you, is it alright if we call you Sydney?" she asks with a smile, holding out her hand presumably for me to shake, which I do.
"Sure, that's fine DCI Marshall" I respond brightly, deciding not to be intimidated during the interview as I shake DS Howard's large veiny hand.
"Hope you like coffee, there's milk and sugar if you want it" the DCI gestures toward the items in the centre of the desk and I nod in response as she hands me a cup.
What if they've poisoned it, or put some drug in it to make me confess to something? I can't trust them, I must be careful as I don't want to be tricked into anything.... the police are all corrupt anyway aren't they!? Do they use polygraphs in the UK? I don't think they do, maybe..."
I'm snapped out of my ruminations by the DCI asking me if I'm ok.
I've zoned out again! Stress does that to me.
"Oh, erm.... yes, I'm fine Thankyou DCI Marshall" I answer with a weak smile, my thumbs rolling rapidly around each other, another visible sign of my anxiety which surely these guys are trained to spot!
Calm down Sydney, you've done nothing wrong, no need to be anxious, you don't want these police officers to suspect you! Wait.... what if they DO suspect you already and that's why they want to talk to.....
"Sydney?! Are you ok, you look a little peaky? Would you like some water?" DCI Marshall asks, concern evident on her face as she stares intently at me.
FUCK!! Done it again Sydney. FOCUS!!
"I'm so sorry! I haven't eaten yet today and I feel a little lightheaded, that's all, I'm fine. Carry on DCI Marshall"
"Please call me Ginny Sydney, no need for this to be so formal. We just need your statement and for you to answer a few simple questions about the night of the incident. You'd flown home earlier that day yes?" She says, flipping open one of the Manila folders and searching through the papers within.
"Based on statements we have taken already we have a general picture of the events of that night, but it would be good if you could give us your recollections too please, hopefully fill in a few small blanks. Is that ok with you?"
"Sure, happy to help. I'm not sure what I can tell you that will be useful though. So, how does this work, do you ask questions for me to answer, or do you want me to talk you through my memories?" I query, glancing between them.
"Let's start with your account, we can ask follow up questions if there is a need to afterwards, ok?!" Ginny suggests, folding her arms on the desk, covering the documents at which I am so desperate to look.
Nosey journo making a return appearance!
I accede and start with my arrival at Heathrow airport, my journey home and most of the activities that took place once Laura and the Smith twins arrived on my doorstep!
I told them about shooting Vinni in the eye with the cork and it sounds so preposterous that I do now what I couldn't at the time, I laugh! The officers exchange looks and I realise how this must look to them, like I don't have the ability to be remorseful, am excited by violence.... could of killed that man!! Oh no, no, no, that's not what I want.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, but he was being so obnoxious that night he almost deserved it!" Another glance between the two officers. I really should think before I say anything else.
I continue on, Laura and Vinni leaving, Yanni and I talking whilst tidying away the pizza boxes and plates, then showering and going to bed.
I did neglect to mention the 'interlude' in the kitchen, and again in the shower, but was sure to point out that after showering we slept in separate bedrooms! I'm not sure why, we're both adults so I don't know what kept me quiet, but if I can get away without sharing those details I'd like to!
DS Darren is making notes, circling sentences on the papers before him and periodically sliding them across to Ginny. Christ, I want to know what they say!!
I continue to speak "I fell asleep pretty quickly, probably due to jet lag as I usually don't sleep well at all but woke up when I heard a crash. I was scared for a second but then remembered Yanni was there at the house waiting for Laura... err, DCI Laura Jones and Vinni, Mr Smith, to get back from the hospital. I thought that he might have been getting a drink or something, maybe dropped a glass and might need some help clearing up, so I got up and went downstairs. I picked up the shoe on my way out of my room to use as a warning, or as defence, just incase it was an intruder who wanted to hurt me, which unfortunately, it was.
I got to the bottom of the stairs without a sound but when he bumped into a table and I heard his voice I knew it wasn't Yanni. I tried to back up the stairs to get my phone and call you guys but trod on my robe and slid down a few steps which he heard. I tried to run again but he caught me by the ankle and dragged me back down onto the floor."
I'm not enjoying this at all although I didn't really expect that I would, and I can't wait for it to be over, but I really don't want to think about what happened next, and I certainly don't want to talk about it with the police!
"Who was he? What do you know about him and why was he in my house?" I ask, wondering if I will know him? If I'm right and Harry did send him to my house then I could have met him before.... possibly at one of Harry's 'special events'. If I do and they know that they might think I deliberately killed him! To be honest though, I have very minimal memories about those evenings, but those I do have haunt me still. Maybe because my mind is trying to shield me from the trauma of them, but it's equally possible it was the drugs and alcohol I was given to make me more 'friendly' to Harry's guests that has kept me from remembering what happened.
Ginny reaches across the table slightly, placing her palm down before saying "I know that the next minutes are some of the worst of your life, and we don't need details about what he did, but any details about him you can remember, just to help us confirm his identity."
"He was British, I think he was from Liverpool but I'm not great at recognising accents, he was certainly not from the south. He was around my height and thin but really strong. He had a wheeze but I didn't smell smoke on him so I'd suggest he might be asthmatic. I didn't see his face as it was dark and I was face down on the floor. He is violent, misogynistic, hateful and I think I know why he was there, in my house" I confess
"Why do you think he was there Sydney?" questions DS Darren, his pen poised to record his observations of me.
"He referred to an unidentified man when he was talking, said something about being there doing a job, that he was a warning for me... a message!" I tell them.
When they find out who my ex is they will not believe me, his image is that of a wholesome, loving and considerate man. In reality he is the antithesis of all things good!
"Who do you believe sent him, and what message were you expected to understand?" DS Darren asks
"The message came from my ex husband and was a serious threat, to prove to me that he can get to me at any moment, and that I could still be exploited and defiled, just a sex toy. He always told me that I would belong to him forever, he never treated me well, in fact he abused and tortured me during our entire marriage, had multiple affairs, entertaining some of those women in our home with me there. He didn't want me but wouldn't let me go. I'd really rather not go into enormous details if possible as I find it too upsetting, suffice to say he would have parties at our home.... and I was the favour! He would drug me so I was compliant but with all senses and feelings remaining. I still have nightmares about those parties, the sweaty men pawing at me, throwing me around like a doll, each trying harder than the last to hurt me, giving each other points on a scorecard for every scream, bruise, welt or laceration they caused me. He threatened to kill me when I left him .....and after living through all of that I believed him! That was in 2016. I know that's a long time ago but that is just his style, further tormenting me with the uncertainty of when he will come for me. I have spent the last 5 years looking over my shoulder, hyper alert and anxious. I don't know if you are aware, but his most current girlfriend was found dead in suspicious circumstances, thought to be murder, around 8 months ago. He has been largely ignored as a suspect, but he..."
*** A split second flash of a woman with terror in her eyes, hands up defensively....
....Another brief flash of vision. A man above a woman on a bed...
"PLEASE!!! HARRY.... please.... don't!!" she croaks as the man above her places his large hands over her tiny fragile neck and begins to squeeze. ***
"He did it! He's guilty, he killed Lola. Holy shit, I'm going to be sick!!"