Twenty four hours have passed since our arrival in Queensland and so far I have seen the inside of my own eyelids for longer than I have combined during the last two months at home.
Jet lag is REAL... and awful!
How do these guys cope with all those changing time zones. They genuinely must not know if they are coming or going! I'd hate that. I don't have the most conventional sleeping habits as it is and I can't imagine trying to rest at all when factoring in all the travelling they do.
I slept for a straight 14 hours after we arrived at the house that will be home for at least the next 3 months. Mercifully the drive from the hospital was only around 20 minutes long and Yanni slept all the way. The silence was very comfortable, and very welcome!
It was dark when we arrived and I had an awful headache so Jimmie took me straight to my room where I instantly fell asleep, not even waking to use the bathroom.
When I did wake it took me a few brief moments to realise where I was. I rubbed my eyes and worked to dislodge my tongue from the roof of my mouth. I notice a bottle of water on the bedside table and felt a huge sense of gratitude toward my secret refreshment fairy. It had to be Jimmie, I'm sure he's the only one who knows what room I'm in.
I greedily swig half the bottle and replace the lid, taking it with me as I get up and walk to the vertical blinds covering one entire side of the room. I attempt to locate the cord to open them but to no avail.
I want to see outside. I want to let the natural light into the darkened room so I can appreciate it fully. There must be some way to open these blinds.
I check for a cord for a second time, then consider the fact that a home that these guys would stay in probably has gadgets for everything, including the blinds.
I begin searching for a remote control that might open them and find several on a coffee table at the end of my bed.
I easily identify the TV, SKY and Blu-Ray remotes, but there are 3 others I have no clue about.
I decide to temporarily suspend my unveiling of the view from my window and after a trip to the bathroom I instead go on a hunt for food. My stomach has just joined the rest of my body in wakefulness, and is complaining..... loudly!
I give my face and hands what my mum always calls 'a cats lick', a quick wash, tidy my hair with my fingers as an infuriating shithead has my brush, and after a quick spritz of something that smells fruitily gorgeous but manly that I find in the bathroom cabinet I turn to leave the room, angry that I've only been awake for 5 minutes and Yanni has entered my thoughts already!
After a few deep breaths I open the door of my room and step into the hallway where I collide with Noah who is carrying a tray with some fruit, yogurt, a newspaper and a cafetière of coffee on it.
"Fuck!"
"Oh my god!"
We both speak together as the tray clatters to the floor, crockery smashing, cutlery clattering and the delicious looking breakfast is now sadly decorating the polished wooden floor!
"Noah! I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going. Let me get this" I say, bending down to pick up shards of crockery and runaway blueberries.
"No worries Syd, I wasn't paying much attention either. I was reading the news stories of our arrival home and got a bit distracted." he tells me
"Well, this was for you so....." He inclines his head towards the scattered breakfast items then continues.....
...."let's go and make you some more breakfast. Mrs Turner will clear this mess up for us. She's a marvel, our surrogate mum. She comes everywhere with us and looks after us wherever we are. "
I follow him to the kitchen and notice for the first time how big, and how beautiful, this place is.
The kitchen is utterly breathtaking! A double high fully glass roof, quadruple wide bi-folding doors opening out onto a raised deck area with steps down to a stunning and huge infinity pool.
The interior does not disappoint either. High gloss white cabinets, stainless steel appliances, and grey slate floor tiles provide the clean and modern backdrop for some of the most magnificent and inspired lighting fixtures I have ever seen.
I am awed. This place is fantastic! A real dream home.
Maybe this year won't be so bad after all!?
Mrs Turner really is a marvel!
Ten minutes after Noah and I enter the kitchen and introductions are made we are sat at the enormous dining table with cereals, fruit, yogurt and pancakes, 4 different fruit juices and a pot of freshly brewed coffee. Mrs Turner has cleaned up the mess Noah and I left in the hallway already and is now cleaning the kitchen!
I want a Mrs Turner when I get home!
"So, Mrs Turner..... how long have you looked after this rag-tag bunch?" I ask with a smile. These pancakes are delicious!
"Crikey! It's gotta be almost twenty five years now. I've been with 'em for almost their entire lives, basically raised 'em all. I used to be their teacher in Kindie, then watched 'em all every 'arvo at after school club until they finished high school. Couldn't even shake 'em then, they used to come into the diner I worked in at weekends and harass me there too! Bloody Dags! I've known 'em all since they were 5 years old.
I think of 'em as me own boys, and they're all top blokes. Always so polite, I mean, they STILL insist on calling me Mrs Turner even though I've asked 'em to call me Muriel everyday of the last 8 years they've actually employed me,but they won't. 'Once a teacher, always a teacher' they say!" she chuckles whilst looking affectionately at Noah who is attempting to stuff a whole pancake into his mouth in one!
"Manners Noah, ya pig!" she scolds
"Sorry Mrs T!" Noah apologises with the most angelic smile on his lips I've ever seen, fluttering his eyelashes in an overly dramatic way.
Muriel as I have decided to call her, throws her tea-towel across the table at him and tells us to "clear off" so she can clean up after us. Noah is instantly moving off towards the garden telling us he's going to exercise.
"No swimming for an hour 'ya Galah!!" Muriel shouts after him.
I offer to help but she won't allow it, telling me I'm going to need every ounce of energy I have to keep up with these five "yobbos"?!
What the heck is a yobbo? I can tell that I'm going to have to learn a whole new vocabulary while I'm here!
I pull my phone out, google 'yobbo' and find it is 'an uncouth, heavy drinking, sex mad lout'. I giggle to myself as I silently ponder Muriels description of the guys, wondering which characteristic each of them possesses while opening a new notes folder. I begin a list of new words and their meanings. I also add 'galah', which means 'idiot'.
It'll help me understand them all better, plus I love language, so I'm always happy to discover new words to express myself.
"You've worked really hard throughout your life Muriel. How do you keep up with this lot? It must be exhausting!"
"Ahh well, when you're a single mum you have to work hard to look after your kids. I did what I needed to after their shonky bastard of a father went walkabout. It was tough, but I love my boys more than life itself so I'd do anything for 'em!" she tells me with a proud grin on her face.
"How many sons do you have Muriel?" I query, whilst adding the word 'shonky' to my list of 'Ozzyisms!
"Well if you don't include this rabble and only the ones that shot out of my birth cannon, then two! Twin boys, Ben and Grant"
I wince at her choice of adjective for her vagina and focus on what she just told me, telling her that her sons, and these guys are all very lucky to have her in their lives. She smiles and thanks me with a loud "Cheers Darl, now get lost so I can get on" and chases me from the room flicking her tea towel playfully at my behind.
I make my way back to my room and shower, making sure to check on my 'hairy bits', after all, I'm hoping to spend much of my time here outside by the pool in a bikini. Damn it! I'll have to buy some. Who can I get to take me shopping I wonder whilst turning off the shower and wrapping a super soft but terribly tiny towel around myself. It just meets for me to twist and tuck it securely, but it barely covers my bum! I mentally add a bathrobe to the list of items I need to purchase!
After brushing my teeth and applying sunscreen to my skin I go back into my bedroom to find something to wear. I begin pulling the few items I brought with me from the hold-all and decide I may as well put them away while I'm at it. I turn to open the wardrobes sliding mirrored doors to find it already full of women's clothes.
I scan through the rails of items and notice immediately that they are all my size, all designer and all still have purchase labels attached!
WTF?
I decide to dress in my white 'Broderié Anglaise' teadress, with a shirred bodice. The original 'body con' material before Lycra, it moulds to your curves, somewhat accentuating them and is so comfortable, and as long as your arent overly endowed in the boob department, pretty supportive too, so no need for a bra... heaven!
I was not 'blessed with a chest' as we called it in my house. I have a very average 34C bust and I am perfectly satisfied with that. I've never understood those women who want boobs as big as beach balls, I mean... how do they sleep? Where do the buy clothes and underwear? The back pain must be horrific! It makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever!
I pull on a pair of white lace knickers and with dress in hand I turn to face the window, determined to work out how to open the blinds before I leave this room again. I drop the towel and raise the dress above my head, pulling it down over my face but because of the sunscreen on my skin it sticks to me and I'm caught in a bit of a tangle, one arm in, face covered and feeling around blindly for the other armhole.
I hear a whirring sound, a gentle clattering, and am aware of more light in the room.
I panic and pull more urgently at my dress, finally finding the armhole and pushing my hand through, feeling around for the hem with my other hand at the same time, having to unroll it from my back. I bend forward to pull it down and when I throw my tangled damp mop of hair back from my eyes I come face to face with all 5 of the guys, mouths agape, eyes wide.
Jimmie and Noah begin whistling and clapping, Teddi and Parker are laughing so hard they may actually burst, and Yanni....
Yanni is glowering at me as if I'm the most disgusting object he has ever had to risk his eyesight to see!
I am mortified. I've just flashed my boobs to 5EX!