I laugh lightly. I'm a little nervous right now.
"I thought I was the only interviewer in the room" I tease
"Miss Benfield, I am a lawyer...... I get paid to ask questions too!" Mr Ferdinand parry's.
He's smart and funny, although I doubt that is intentional, he seems a little too 'straight' to me. Mr Ferdinand continues to speak..... "It is also to advise my clients whether or not to answer questions posed by others". There it is, the serious 'lawyer' voice. He's actually a little intimidating. I decide I like him!
"Ok, so, 'shall we begin' what exactly?" I directly quote him, whilst switching on the record function on my trusty phone.
"Well Miss Benfield, I represent these gentlemen and we have an issue that we need to discuss with you"
"An issue? So you aren't here to oversee my interview?" Now I am confused!
I am immediately defensive, protecting my reputation as a credible writer at the forefront of my mind, especially after what happened to my predecessor, despite the fact it hasn't yet been attacked.
"I don't understand, I've never printed anything in my career that has not been confirmed to be 100% accurate. I only use reliable sources, and only ever report things that are told to me 'on the record' to avoid litigation" I tell him
"... and please, call me Sydney. Miss makes me feel like a schoolgirl"
"As you wish..... Sydney. We have no issue with your work as a journalist. We have fully reviewed all your past work relating to the members of 5EX, either individually or collectively, and have found everything to be true and accurate. Let me ask you a question. Do you have a family Sydney?"
Weird!? I've never been questioned myself before being allowed an interview, but I suppose these guys are the biggest musical phenomenon since the Beatles. Yes, that's a label that's been levelled at many a group before 5EX, but in this case it is genuinely true.
I am having an internal argument with myself about how to play this one, it is virgin territory for me to have a lawyer present but I guess these boys are particularly vulnerable to exploitation. It makes sense, but it does suck a little.... I am certain that I'm now only going to get a 'vanilla' interview!
I feel myself frown at that discouraging realisation as someone clears their throat very loudly. Shaken from my stupor I look up into the young lawyers eager and, surprisingly to me, anxious features, and become aware that I've been sitting silently, the other bodies in the room frozen, curiosity on their faces, awaiting a response!
Shit!! How long was I out this time? I again scan the room searching for any indication of how long I was 'lost'. This happens to me when I get stressed but I haven't had an episode for months after teaching myself some mindfulness techniques. What about this situation is making me so nervous? I've interviewed hundreds of A list celebrities and never had any vague episodes or nerves.
"Errr, yes? Well, no! I mean..... oh fuck! Oh shit, I said fuck. FUUUCK!!" I shout, palming my face!
I close my eyes, take a big deep breath, exhale slowly and place my hands on my knees. I open my eyes after a few seconds and again I am seemingly the most interesting thing in this stunning room.
"Are you well Sydney? You have been doing some kind of weird breathing exercises with your eyes shut for nearly 10 minutes! I nearly called for an ambulance but Yanni recognised you were mid panic attack and we all know to keep the environment quiet and calm, well, that's what works for him anyway, so we all just sat here and, well...... just waited! Teddi and Noah went to order food" Jimmie babbles madly.
"J!?"
"Hmmm Yanni?!"
"Shut the fuck up will you? I want to get this over with and go to eat" he replies with more than a hint of anger in his deep, cold and almost monotone voice.
He turns his attention to me, staring so intently into my eyes I have the ridiculous but just as scary feeling that he might possess some kind of magical powers he's about to use to do harm to me, or maybe he is a vampire, or a werewolf... or a........
"HELLOOOOO??!! Jesus Christ, can we just get this done already, I'm bored as shit and as hungry as Homer Simpson in a doughnut factory!! HAVE. YOU. GOT. A. FA.MI. LY?" Yanni enunciates slowly as if I am stupid, how some people speak to foreign language speakers, or those with hearing impairments..... overly loud, with much waving of hands.
What a Fuck trumpet!!
How dare he speak to me like I'm a moron! I feel that ice rod in my back. I pull back my shoulders, lift my chin and stare directly back at him. I have perfected my disapproving, 'I'm ever so slightly better than you' expression after years studying my mothers face every time she looked at me, and I give it to him with both barrels! He actually seems to shrink back slightly into his chair.
Wow! Who knew? The cocky, confident, outspoken ladies man fakes his swag! Maybe he is used to getting everything he wants immediately and therefore has not learned how to be patient?
I learned that one long ago. 'Patience is a virtue' and 'All good things come to those who wait' are my own personal life quotes.
"Yes Mr Ferdinand, I do have a family. I have parents and one Brother. My Fathers parents are still alive so I have them I suppose, although I haven't seen them since I was nine years old. I have no husband, boyfriend or lover, and no illegitimate children out there in the world as far as I know" I say sweetly but sarcastically, whilst holding Yannis gaze!
I won't be the first to look away you Arsehat!
"Do you live alone?" Yanni snaps
"Look, I don't know what this is all about but either I am interviewing you guys or I'm leaving. I didn't come here for this, and frankly I have better things I could be doing. Jimmie, you are a sweetheart, thankyou for your kindness and for the drink but I think I'll go" I say, beginning to rise from my seat on this incredibly plush, soft and comfortable couch.
"Make the offer Ferdinand" Yanni barks, his eyes fixed on my face. I refuse to be intimidated by him!
Wait a minute!
"What offer?"