Do you know what makes me never want to date again? I once had one, it was beautiful actually, but I couldn't keep him. I'm stuck with boredom, memories of him who hurt me first keep spinning, and he sometimes tells our problems to women who often make us conflict. Yes, I have loved sincerely, but it turns out that everything is only physically attractive. Even I only hurt him at the end of our relationship, I ended it. but imo, we're hurting each other back then.
He's probably really confused and wants to apologize for hurting me first. In fact, he always felt that I wanted revenge to hurt him for the pain I had experienced because of him. However, actually I don't want to hurt the people I love. It's just that the memory is always spinning, reminding me that he ever treated me that bad. In fact, his kind treatment only made me sicker. I can't even believe he loves me just bcs I'm prettier. That's crazy.
After the break up, maybe 4 years I never cared anymore, but last year, I miss him who already has a new lover. Sometimes now I still dream of him even though I never think about him anymore. I'm also confused. But, when I dream about him, I no longer miss him. We weren't meant to be together. Ikr until now I can still feel that feeling. Since high school, I'm always in the friendzone or relationship without status. I don't know if I'm the only one hoping or what.
Maybe he has changed now because his girlfriend doesn't have to be good looking like he used to. I admit that I used to envy people who were dating, but not anymore. I can do everything without a guy accompanying me. I have God, parents, sister, EXO, and you. That's enough for me. I just want to live well and achieve all of my goals.
It may be difficult for me to open my heart, difficult to trust other people again, and difficult to accept a romantic relationship again like other people. It's also my fault for playing too much last year until half this year. Too many things that hurt me. I shouldn't let my heart hurt right? Maybe it's true that they all just want to be friends and don't dare approach me. My wish to have a boyfriend during university, I've decided to delete it. It's actually not easy, but this time I'm really building a high fortress for anyone, taking care of myself and improving my life which is confusing. I'm sure that even if I open my heart later, let it be a date to marriage, and of course he has to really resemble kai exo or na jaemin nct, he has to fit my criteria, to be honest, very much. I can no longer let anyone try to get closer. In the future, I hope that things will get better and that I can proudly accept being an Independent Sigma Woman. This is the best, Lord Jesus bless.