He walks to the green metal gate, because of which he met her in the first place, and his eyes meet with the security guard, Raj Jagdeep Bisht, over the students passing inside the gate.
The guard's eyes become stark and alarmed, and he immediately starts to cross his way to Aakash.
Aakash keeps his hand inside the pocket of his jacket, definitely away from the wrapped chocolate. He is panicking he thinks distantly, he is sweating under his clothes, his heart is a constant painful nub inside his chest and he is going to throw up.
The guard stands and stops in front of him, he is saying something Aakash can't hear.
Aakash feels a cold hand on his forehead and before he knows a heavy hand lands on his arm, and he is being driven away from the incoming students to a portable security booth, he sees Raj Jagdeep Bisht, putting keys in the booth's door, and hears the click of the opening doors.
Raj Jagdeep Bisht disappears inside the booth and Aakash leans on a nearby pine tree. The flow of the tears isn't stopping; the breaking of his heart isn't stopping. He feels like an agonizing fish taken out of the water, and left just two feet away from the water and into the sunlight, withering, shaking for life.
"Take this." He sees the guard holding a red mug through the blurry haze of tears and wipes his hand on his eyes. "Drink it," the guard says sloshing the mug towards him.
"Why do you-?" It's all Aakash can say before Raj Jagdeep Bisht grunts and pushes the mug on Aakash's hands.
"You kids will be the end of me, drink this, you will feel better."
Aakash looks at the guard, and tentatively takes a sip from the mug just to feel something other than bile in his throat. And the sip he takes is of nutmeg, cocoa, chocolate, and other spices he doesn't know, he feels better but he doesn't want to. He knows it's a Christmas drink, so he hates it already.
Everything Christmas, reminds him of her. And now he just wants to forget Christmas.
He hands back the mug to Raj Jagdeep Bisht.
The security guard looks at him, and then asks him weirdly, "What do you want?" his voice is even, considering.
Aakash wants to laugh, as if anyone in the world can give him what he wants, he wants Misha to remember him, he wants to hear her call his name like she used to, to just tell him that it was real, even for once. But what he says is, "I want to forget her with Christmas."
And then, the security guard keeps looking at Aakash, he asks, "Are you sure?"
And Aakash laughs, "I am goddamned sure," and he walks away before he turns on the gate, and yells to the guard, "The drink was pathetic but thank you."
The guard's eyes become wide, he looks like he wants to say something, but before he can, Aakash shakes his head and walks away from the school.
*****