I couldn't believe my ears. Now I understood why she had said it doesn't matter if I overheard the dialogue. I hadn't expected she would be thinking about that. I guess it's because she feels relaxed with me. Since she already knew that I know a bit about small-cell lung cancer thanks to the work I'd done for my uncle, and the point that I'm also interested in that field. Still, she could've chosen her other friends instead of me, though.
"Is there a reason you chose him instead of your parents, perhaps?" My uncle asked her the question. My brain was weighing two things while she was pondering on answering. One was that her family is not the 'happy family' like the one we know as after she came out as pansexual. The other is that she feels more comfortable with me instead of her family members, which is quite unlikely to be true.
"Well, we aren't the very happy family you'd think of. Ever since I came out as pansexual, my parents never spoke with me at home, but we still had to pretend to a happy family, and I'm sick of that. I've told them multiple times to just disown me since that would be easier and less complicated. However, they just tend to never say yes to what I wish for, especially when it comes to this. So, to reduce the amount of time I'd have to spend with them, I'd like to stay with someone else instead. I could have just chosen a caregiver there, but I don't feel comfortable with the fact that I might get outed by someone else I know of, which leads to the conclusion that I want to stay with someone who already knows about me being pansexual. I could have chosen any of my other friends, but I feel comfortable with the most when I'm with Lucas, so I would like to stay with him."
What all Dawn said made a lot of sense. Her family was known to be a very conservative family, and also a devoted Catholic family. One of the many things Dawn told me she doesn't like about her family is that they are extremely committed to their religion and don't acknowledge anything that goes against that. So naturally, they never believed her words that the Bible never said that God doesn't like LGBTQ+ people because the priests and everyone who believes in Christianity all said that. However, there is indeed no such sentence. So the reason it appeared is still quite a mystery.
"I completely understand your point. A friend of mine is a psychiatrist, and one of his patients was suffering from a nervous disorder, and the reason was that they had gotten outed by their best friend."
"So one psychiatrist worked for two people at the same time?" That was what they asked, an absurd question that could be expected from people as inflexible as them.
"No, they're just one person. It's just that the preferred pronoun is 'they' instead of 'him' or 'her'. She was assigned female at birth, by the way, but that doesn't matter." My uncle answered politely for her, although I completely think it's unnecessary. "Lucas, any opinions on this?"
I still didn't know how to answer. This is a situation I have not expected to happen. "Uh... I need some time to think about this. I didn't expect this, so give me some time."
"I can wait a bit, but I need to have your answer soon. If you say no, I'll have to add the information of needing a personal caregiver, or else they won't be providing her with that." My uncle responded while turning to face me. "I mean, isn't this a good chance for you?"
"Why would you think that? It's not the best idea." I knew why my uncle said that. It's because I have a crush on her, but nothing hurts me more than the death of the person I have a crush on. I guess he doesn't know that because he was one of the lucky ones to get married to his/her/their first love. It's something I envied him ever since I realised my crush.
"You can spend more time with her and learn about stuff you've been interested in. Why wouldn't it be the best chance?"
He just doesn't know. The percentage of Dawn's death within 5 years is just too high. I just can't stand the fact that I would have to see her dying, and also her death as well. It's also possible that I would need to be the chief mourner at her funeral. However, it didn't make sense that my uncle wasn't thinking about this possibility. He had never recommended any of the close relatives of the cancer patients to be the caregiver at the hospital or hospice, knowing that the heartbreak would be too much to handle. The only plausible reason that he wasn't against Dawn's idea was that he thought I would move from the crush that quickly.
He just didn't know how hard it was to move away from the love of my life. Forgetting your first love — even if that is a one-sided love that doesn't have a happy ending — isn't the easy thing. When I found out about my crush on her, I tried to move on. Multiple times. Tried so often I lost count. The reason was I didn't want to lose the friendship we already had.
I understood why she was asking me, though. She has had the nightmare of being outed or not being accepted as a pansexual after her parents rejected her. It was a very traumatising event that she never forgot. The rejection of the closest people to you — that would frequently be by parents and relatives — is something all LGBTQ+ people fear. It was fear someone who wasn't them would never know.
I sighed, knowing I would never want her to suffer from the fear again and that I couldn't find a reason to refuse her. Ever since I realised my crush on her, I never won any disputes with her. I've always won most conflicts with others, but I just always let her win.
"Okay, Dawn. I'll be the caregiver for you at the hospice until you die."