Humans are emotional ,as much as they try to hide it , they feel very deep , happiness , sadness , worry , regret , they try to hide said emotion yet it always shows through the eyes as they are the window of the soul ,as my father used to say '' eyes are a power or weakness as you portray your inside through them nonetheless, they could very much be used against you'' my father was a wise man with knowledge past his years he also found pleasure in poetry which I learned from him. Some eyes carry sadness and bitterness some have evil and wickedness others have hope, telling emotion through eyes is one thing I can do yet I cannot read mine.
I wonder what my eyes convey perhaps hope. Regret? Such questions puzzle my brain as no answer is found and I am left, wondering. The barking stopped for a while, I assume the little pup which I will refer to as Azul took a rest. I went downstairs to check on him and there he was, rolled up in a ball near the window as the weather was quite warm. he looked like a companion I will have for a good while, even for such short time I feel so close to the little guy, he lit up the house which is a favor I will not forget. I will head to my room and attempt to fall asleep .
I woke up to the barking of Azula a sound I have grown to adore I went downstairs to feed him he finished his food and sat at the door perhaps waiting for me to open it and as I did ,he ran so free I could not help but analyze his movement as he had no worries, he was joyful letting nothing hold him back he looked back at me I thought of that as an encouragement to go run with him and so I did oh did I feel so free like time stopped, thanks to Azula I have finally felt a feeling of control a feeling I missed dearly. Running through these forests bring back memories of my mother, memories I miss, she loved these forests she called them the heavens of earth, ever so often a memory of my parent's flash weather these memories are good or bad, they induce a calming feeling flows over me I have missed them that is for sure.
We ran and ran eventually getting tired we headed home the little Azula dotted the rays of sun that lit up these forests laying and running under them we got home after a long while I reached exhaustion by then, as I have not ran that much for a long while I sat down on the couch and here I am writing about it , Azula hopped on the couch and is sleeping next to me as I write here , I have no idea why I am keeping this journal perhaps maybe one day when things get better ill read this journal and thank my self for holding on maybe I'll find it funny I am imagining such a scene , finding this rusty journal taking it down stairs with Azula tailing behind me as I read to him what I first though about him as he wags his soft tail and barks the barks I dot the barks that brought me happiness , my father loved dogs yet he never had one as my mother disliked them nevertheless I think Azula would have changed her mind my father would have adored him very much as he will always take him on long hikes , something he loved to do ,he would take me along with him he would make sure I have a puffy warm jacket as my mom always used to tell him that , then I would run outside him trailing behind telling me how strong and fast I am .
Looking back at that memory , I realized he had probably faked it to make me feel joyful and powerful these memories are what give me hope that maybe just maybe one day I will find joy in the sun , joy in the hue of world around me , with that said those memories give a hint of lingering scornfulness as I know I will not get such hikes again I won't be as happy again ,yet such thoughts I attempt to ignore yet they are on a loop at the back of my head ,why can't they leave for a minute and leave with joy for just a minute I wish for them to disappear.