I slowly stumble downstairs as I cling one hand to my head . Continuing to stumble as I hear all types of voices as I hear the voices of dead men everywhere I go children wives family members .
Wishing and grieving over there loved ones deaths and going away . Just a while ago I felt so much better but suddenly I feel like a bullet train ran over my head . It hurts like hell I say I finally reach my secret storage room where I store all of my honey and alcohol and the such . As I don't wish to burden this immature body more then it already is I take some honey and slowly guzzle it down .
I feel so much better I slowly start going back up stairs as my voice gets fainter I'm almost there I'm almost there . I'm almost th…. those are the last words I say before I fall unconscious and fall into a series of nightmares .
A series of nightmares filled with the hopes dreams and deaths of all I've killed and have affected with my actions . It makes me have an unbelievable sense of guilt and I know that yes this would always happen but I should learn how to rise above it .
But all I know is regret I regret the killing of those men like any normal men should no matter how much willpower a man has . No one no normal person can stay completely calm after taking a life another human soul .
Including in situations where it's kill or be killed where both you and the person you kill knows nothing but there forces to have to kill for survival . They were innocent and so were you until you spilled your hands and got dirtied with the scent of blood .
I remember I say i remember the first man I killed the look on his face the way he died the details everything about it almost everything his scent . His origin I remember almost every little detail my mind wonders back .
I seem to appear in a trench as I raise my head up a helmet covering my head as I fire my low quality bolt action at a man .
Hitting straight between the eyes he smelled of gunpowder but I could also smell what I believe was flowers the smell of flowers in bloom . I can't believe it flowers on a hellhole like that it makes me wanna laugh .
His face was petrified forever in time a face of courage and fear that type of face that tells you I never should have enlisted I don't wanna die like this . He "was thinking if I die today let me die a death filled with purpose" but as he knew he didn't contribute a single thing .
All he did was get himself killed and buried under the mud and bodies of other soldiers . His body abandoned with the thoughts of "I wish I never came here I was always just fodder if there was one thing I wish I could do if I could go back in time ".
It "would be to never come to this hellhole or at least be able to inform others of the true horror of this place even fodder deserves to know " .
I've spent too much time on this first kill I think it's so important to me for some reason . I just can't put my finger on it just why is it so important why is it because on that day I felt like I had become a murderer .
For the fact that my killing of that man In a war teetered on the edge of just one more casualty in war and murder .
Just what distinguishes the killing of soldiers in a war from murder . Neither one is worse or better either way you kill another and take there life there happiness everything that they believed to have meaning .
It all meant nothing when they bled on the battlefield my comrades shot down dead lying unconscious wounded . Bleeding out did they die did they fight for a meaningless cause I think not there deaths and there sacrifice had meaning cause we the living remember them .
If I am to die in glorious combat with my men I wish for our predecessors to do the same for us to remember our deaths and give our deaths meaning to scream and fight and move forward even in the face of death .
As a wise man once said I just keep moving forward until all of my enemies are destroyed .
••••••••
I'm back I say as I realize a mysterious aura surrounds me . As yellow lightning surrounds me I quickly teleport out of the city as a giant explosion takes place .
My body is encased in a giant fleshy body as I pilot it from its neck . As I then feel a path of sorts connect me to all of the citizens of Mother Russia . As I then think have I become the founder no way have I really and I've just created something the founding titan .
A/N : I'm purposely buffing you as much as possible so when you have the final showdown with the demigod you'll have an epic fight . Along with that I'm trying to add emotional tension also thinking of adding erwins speech I think the dream sequence would be much better for the shadow fight so I'll remember to include it again