Silver blades in my pocket
A ring around my neck.
A promise unspoken in my head
And smiling faces around my life.
A window I want to break
A wall I want to hit.
A drawing thats no good
And people too happy for me to bear.
Stinging ankles
And a wish for bloody wrists.
Demons silent embrace
Monsters whispering in my ears.
And an urge to kiss death.
A need for love
A want for pain.
The wish to not speak
And a night of screaming.
Tears that fall
And shaky breaths.
With a blade to my skin
I wish I could pull.
But I can't.
Take it hour by hour.
Minute by minute.
Thought by thought.
I've gotta stop this now
Before it goes too far.
The thing is
Do I even want to recover?
I want to disappear
I want the numb of a high.
The dizzy of benadryl
And the burn of liquor.
But I said I'd try
So I'm trying.
Sorry for the pain
Sorry for the ache.
I just want to be numb.