People die, and people are born. It's been a natural order of things since the times immemorial and nothing seems too change soon. Regardless of that, humanity, or rather researchers keep looking for ways to stop death. Owing to scientific achievements, it's currently possible to live for over two hundred years, something unheard of in the first half of 21st century. However, looking at how this can be implemented in practise, it's something possible only for those who can afford that. Among the poor, that is majority of human population, living to one hundred years was a huge feat.
I've been growing up in a poor neighborhood, and my parents could never be called well-off. They might have had a great deal of items many considered expensive, but these were too important for them to give up, even if it meant living in such an area. Nevertheless, they kept doing everything to secure proper living conditions, hoping to provide me decent education which could allow me to achieve something more, and have a better life in the future.
Unfortunately, the world is not fair, especially this world. Since early years, my life was a fight for a better tomorrow. I saw people dying of starvation, murdered, stoned, drunk and many others, whom life sent to the very bottom. I have also witnessed theft, assaults and brawls. Obedient to parent, I kept myself away from such things - no matter what, I was not to help others, because no one would help me. At least, that's what they taught me. And I've been living like this, trying to turn a blind eye to all this evil, to the point of such approach becoming natural to me, and not finding it unusual.
Insensitivity. I've become like majority of people - ignorant in face of other people's problems and impervious to humans being harmed. All that mattered where my objectives - only I was important. However, it was still better than fake sensitivity - many people from higher class make a big deal of their charitable activities, but only selectively, and always with reporters present. And how many more need help?
People will do everything for fame, power, but most of all - money. I would have lied if I said that none of these things is not important to me. Maybe power is not something I need, but money, and maybe fame are a completely different thing. After all, I have spent years studying with the help of my parents, and then worked hard to get my current status to get something out of it. Too bad my parents did not live long enough to see my success.
My attitude over all these year was obviously egoistic - I agree about that - but I never harmed other people to get my way. Everything I have I owe to my parents help and my own, hard work.
Still, some people have no compunctions, and will do basically anything to reach their goals.
When I've been joining the Future project, I heard nothing about any kind of serious accidents. No one said there were people who died at work, and the only deaths of employees were due to the old age, and completely natural. Of course, there was a chance such news were never spread widely, but the fact was that one could not hear about deaths so far. But now, two people suddenly die. And in very suspicious circumstances.
While not considering myself much interested in other people, and - what comes with it - not likely to worry about them, somehow I cannot just pass it by. It might have not been a friendship, but I still got to know those people, to some extent at least. Maybe it was just an exchange of several words, or maybe a bit longer covnersation - nevertheless, those people were not some strangers.
I'm not used to crying. Last time I cried was at my parents' funeral. However, despite not being able to cry over deaths of two people I came to know, there is still a big shock. After all, I knew them. And now, they are... They are no longer here, and we couldn't even get all of their remains, and what was gathered... No one would be able to recognize who it was. When I saw these red clouds, I was speechless. Terrible death.
I feel grief, and powerless. And what the project's management does makes everything confusing. Over one day, you learn about things you had no idea about, and wonder how much more is hidden from your eyes. Sabotage, and not any kind of accident. Why now, and not at other phase of the project? What purpose did it have?
As if this tragedy was not already serious enough, and so much work to be done around this problem, project chiefs argue with each other instead of cooperating. Continuous fight over power, allowing ego to get to your head. And involving others in your personal war. Much to my misfortune, I also got involved.
If it wasn't for the threat of losing my current social standing, and privileges, I wouldn't even agree to participate in this project. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself? Would I really agree to let such a chance to slip through my fingers? How many people would deliberately gave up on leaving their mark in history, and earn money, when someone passes it on a silver tray?
Neverhteless, I'd rather not participate in someone else's arguments and fights over chairs, focusing only on my own work, and making a significant scientific contribution, or helping in colonization effort at least. After all, through my whole life until now I've been focused on career and money, and I feel I should leave some mark.
I'm disappointed in myself. Despite this big tragedy causing deaths of people, while creating this journal entry, I still continue to think about myself. What times to live in, where we all became so indifferent.
It's like this everywhere. Business, and personal gain, or gain of your organization are the most important things here. We put ourselves above everything else, and often see only the end of our own nose. All that matters is to get as much as possible for ourselves. Feelings and emotions are of no essence, and other people's lives have no worth.
We are selfish. We think only about ourselves, and sometimes about people closest to us, but our own gain is the most important. Some will cry over a dead body, but they will soon get back to their daily lives, and even feel happy that they were not the ones to die yet. There are even people who keep thinking their time will never end, and they will continue to live forever to only amass more fortune, infinitely.
Unfortunately for them, and likely fortunately for natural order of things, life does not work like that. Everything must end at some point, though there are those for whom it ends way too soon. Nowadays, most people don't cry, possibly don't remember if they ever cried - well, maybe way back, as a child.
In the end, we stand, listen, someone cries, and then everyone goes their way. And that's it. A day, a week, a month or year passes, but at some point, we will reconcile with it - that's how it is.