"I can be crazy…"
Ginnan slumped behind the bathroom door. The ceramics are cold. And his chest became hot seeing the new bitemark on his body. Even though some of the ones yesterday have started to fade slowly. But really despite the bitemark from other clients, it was Renji's that made his body feel disgusting.
Ginnan took out a cell phone. He still wanted to change today's events if there was any hope. To the extent that Madam Shin's name in his contacts has never looked that bright all this time.
But, damn.
The gods were probably cursing him while laughing. Along with the operator's voice notifying that the number is temporarily blocked.
"Shinhye Nara Damn Pimp! Aaaarrrgh!"
Ginnan's screams echoed in the bathroom as large as a minimalist house. His face was red, his breath hitched, and when he looked around… all the luxuries were indeed available here. Bath-ups, showers with various functions, a large Jacuzzi decorated with ceramic tiles designed like ancient Greece, a dressing room behind a three-layer glass partition, and of course the best bathrobes are provided there.
Ginnan was sure that Renji was indeed the insecure type to make love to a partner who was even a little dusty, to the point of telling him to throw himself in the water with that intense stare. And for some reason, he suddenly remembered Yuki's wrinkled face three years ago. The one who looked at him was no less sharp with a very deep disappointment.
{"So since when did you get into this dirty job huh?!"} snapped the black-haired woman. Ah, yes… Yuki used to have a very graceful aura with her tiny face. But since they broke up, her hair has been dyed black again and has never been longer than her shoulders.
Yuki smoldered with fists. She looked like she wanted to smack him in the face with more than one slap, if necessary. That way all the customers that he took good care of behind their relationship would run away. But seeing him almost crying and hugging her tightly, Yuki has already lost her conscience
Yuki just kept quiet and let his sobs scream on her shoulder. In the middle of the night, summer. When they should have planned to go together to Osaka. Spending time on vacation after so many months busy with each other's business, the woman picked up a call from one of her customers.
Ginnan was desperate by then. So if Yuki left him, wouldn't it be natural?
Yuki is never wrong. She was the best lover he had ever had. It's just that he is evil, heartless, to lie to her for years before everything is exposed.
{"You said you were short of money and didn't want to rely on me? Bah! Then do you think this is better?!"} Yuki snapped. {"Not before, but now you're nothing more than a loser in my eyes."}
{"Yuki, no—I mean… I'm sorry—"}
Ginnan stepped forward, but the woman slapped his hand away, backed away, and laughed like a madman.
{"—yeah! Hahaha… and if you want all of this to be over quickly, why don't you just become a general gigolo?! Isn't that right, your pay is double, your work won't last this long, and maybe, you're already rich before I know everything."}
{"Yuki, it's not like that—"}
After that, Ginnan don't know what happened. What is certain is that their relationship ended and Ginnan only had a blurry memory. Yuki intercepted the bus with her face still full of tears, and after sitting inside looked away from herself.
The bus drove.
Go.
Leaving him on the sidewalk alone.
No germs or anything at that time. Only cloudy and the night wind that did not stop whistling loudly. It hurts his ears to think about it again.
Ginnan never saw Yuki again after that. The woman disappeared for almost two years until she reappeared with a new appearance. Error, as well as her temper.
Yuki turned rude and arbitrary. She also had almost no shame in approaching someone, even now treating him like an ex who could be taken advantage of at any time.
Even though Ginnan knew, all of that was meaningless. And now Renji. This asshole suddenly continued to be around him after there were no serious problems at work. But maybe, this is some kind of penance. Or the law of karma. Whichever.
He had let Yuki down to such a drastic turn. Maybe she was tired of everything that happened. So, Renji came for sure to make him feel the same way.
It's just, Ginnan heard that all serious problems would be terrible if one just went with the flow of one's emotions. Like him a few minutes ago. Rebelling, cursing, and begging Renji to let him go just because he wants to stay holy.
Haha… what a holy one.
Wasn't his body more than worthy of being called dirty and disgusting all this time?
What's so bad about making love to men? Proof that Renji was fine with it. Even enjoy it. And Haru, never objected even though he was treated a bit disrespectfully like a normal friend.
They are the same. They weren't holy either, but they never seemed to have a problem with that.
They just… accepted it.
Accept theirself, the existing situation, maintain good relationships, and also abstract feelings that can be maintained somehow.
"Haha… how stupid," Ginnan laughed. Suddenly his sanity began to evaporate in half. From looking at Madam Shin's dead contacts, he exited the search app and typed in an unexpected keyword.
-Gay sex-
And in second, indecent pictures that used to be almost impossible to decorate his history.
Ginnan's hands went cold. The man cursed in a whisper before placing his phone on the floor. He grabbed his hair, trying to get his senses back, but it seemed too late.
Maybe Deby was right. All this time he was just an innocent man. Who never noticed it at all. And Renji is… is…
["You think I'm an amateur?"] Renji said at the time.
Ginnan hissed subconsciously at the memory.
["I can fuck you like virgins."]
Seriously…
Then what about non-virgins?!
Arrrgh… it feels even more stupid when you think about it.
Suddenly Ginnan couldn't think straight anymore. His head was full of images of Renji kissing Haru, Renji dragging Yuka out of the car, Renji snapping at his holding Jean's locket, and finally when he was fondling him briefly on the bed.
The man is a traveler. And Ginnan more than understood there were many more bodies he had touched. However, they are the same. Even sex workers have touched who knows how many hundreds of customers. So, isn't this too bad?
What will happen, will happen.