The sound of Nisha's worried voice helped soothe a small part of my ails. But it was like a puddle of warmth in a sea of ice, quickly being taken over and devoured.
I hadn't realized just how deeply Nisha's feelings could affect my own. This being the first time that *I* was the giver and not the taker, I was blown away.
Was it because the emotions of my kind were less stable than humans?
Or was it solely because of our connection to one another?
Either or, Nisha's despair at the realization of the gravity of her situation had been transferred to me through a direct line.
Unfortunately, I hadn't expected depression this deep. I hadn't set up any mental walls to keep my sense-of-self stable.
"[Gods dammit!]" I hissed darkly. My rage just as swiftly funneled into heartbroken sorrow and I let out a broken sob. "[Damnit, love!]" I had to fight the urge to begin beating my fists into the walls around me.
"[Damnit!!!]" I screamed at the top of my lungs, panting heavily afterward.
"Hey! Nana, what the heck?" I could hear Nisha crying out, obviously scared. "What's going on?"
"[Further! Get the FUCK out of the house!!]" I screamed the order at Nana, cradling my head as I tried to fight off the darkness inside my heart.
Gods help me, but a part of me wanted to strangle Nisha and make her shut up.
All it ever was with her was "what's going on? I don't understand. No, no, that can't be real."
'Face reality, damn it!'
The logical part of my mind knew that Nisha's confusion was only to be expected.
But logic had little to do with my existence at this moment.
I was drowning in the ocean of despair Nisha had unwittingly kicked me into.
[ 'What's so wrong with being with me? All I've ever done is take care of her! Everything she ever wanted, everything she needed; was not *I* the one to provide it for her?' ]
Cradling my head, I struggled to control the rage-fueled blasts that were trying to escape me. One wrong move and this house would be utterly destroyed.
'Nisha didn't know because of the seal. As a modern young woman, she wouldn't appreciate having her life dictated for her.'
My logical and emotional sides began to argue fiercely, forcing the little shreds of sanity I had left in charge of my rampaging power.
[ 'No matter, the soul stone was exchanged years ago. She has no right to complain and try to get out of her obligations! Promises were made and will be kept!' ]
'Even so, there should be a grace period! Everyone requires time to adjust to sudden and new situations. What if something we do causes a negative impact on the children?'
[ '…' ]
[ '...I see. Yes, this is true.' ]
Slowly, ever so achingly slowly, I began to regain more of my sanity.
The screaming, raging, and shattered beast I'd revealed myself as lashed out less. The arctic cold I'd summoned forth in my rage began to return to me; swallowed back into the belly of the beast.
When I finally managed to calm myself completely, I curled up on the second floor in a fetal position. Panting, I didn't even have enough energy to wipe the traces of tears that were frozen on my cheeks.
Some time passed—.
I wasn't sure just how long. But, eventually, my sensitive ears picked up on the sounds of the ladies returning. Nana was sternly instructing Nisha to stay in the living room while she checked on me.
Nisha, of course, was being difficult, but after a minute, Nana managed to win the argument.
I waited tiredly, too drained to pick myself up off the floor and try to pretend I was okay.
When Grace found me, she quietly clicked her tongue. "Jack, child…."
"Are you going to laugh?" I whispered, eyes closed tightly in frustration.
"I pity you," Grace replied sincerely. "Truly, I pity all of your kind. My Nicholas was the same, so easily controlled by his emotions."
I let out a broken laugh. "That's not quite correct, Nana."
Opening my eyes, I stretched out a cold hand for her help up. "We're controlled more by the whims and collective unconsciousness of humanity. This, in turn, affects our emotions, abilities, personality traits, hell, even our appearances." Grunting, I did my best to assist Grace with getting me back on my feet.
Gently, she tried to brush aside the frozen tear tracks, but I stopped her. "I don't want you to hurt yourself," I explained at her questioning look.
Sucking in a heavy breath that made my chest ache, I smiled bitterly. "I wonder, am I capable of doing anything without fucking up? "
Grey eyes studied me tiredly from behind Grace's glasses. "You have made a mess of this, Jack. Truthfully, I don't know how to help you fix it. I suppose you and Nisha will just have to figure it out on your own."
"...How far along is she?" I whispered, eyes downcast.
"22 weeks and we just found out they're twin boys."
My lips twitched in a conflicted smile. "Sons, huh?"
Grace nodded heavily. "You're not upset?" She watched me curiously. "You were so angry before—."
I grinned lopsidedly. "Oh, I'm *livid*! But, not at Nisha."
Nana's expression turned into one of surprise. "That's strange, I have to admit. I was certain you'd be so angry you'd lose yourself and hurt her when you found out."
My pretend good humor evaporated instantaneously. "Yes, well…you were right to worry. But this time my sanity managed to prevail." Swallowing, I stared down at Nana, my next words fighting to escape. "N, Nana, do you think I'm truly unlovable?"
The closest thing to a grandmother I'd had this time pursed her lips in thought. "Jack, I don't think anyone is truly unloveable. What matters is that you learn from your mistakes and try to make up for them with your *actions*. Words will only go so far. Prove to Nisha that you aren't just some crazy rich boy and I'm sure she'll start to warm up to you."
She patted my back encouragingly and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Technically, I'm a crazy rich *creature*, ma'am."
Her pat quickly turned into an exasperated slap and sigh. "Do something about that cheek of yours too, while you're at it."
Feeling steadier, after that chat with Grace, I smiled a little more sincerely. "Do you know if she loved him?"
Nana's face darkened and her grey gaze slid from mine. "That's...you should ask her yourself, dear."
My heart constricted in my chest at Grace's reaction. Desperate to lighten the mood, I made a bit of a morbid joke. "I guess it's a good thing I kissed her after the soul exchange, huh?"
Grace's complexion paled in horror at the implications of my words and she silently shook her head, tears welling up behind her glasses. "Jack, you're much like a grandson to me. Please stop treating yourself like a monster and pretending that death would be good for you. But, yes...I am glad that the worst didn't happen."
Rubbing my neck, which had gotten stiff from my previous position on the floor, I quietly stared down the stairs. "I'm going to unseal her memories now. Also, being completely candid, I'm going to kill the father."
Grace's expression stiffened for a few moments before a light of steel entered her gaze. "While part of me wants to tell you not to be rash, I'll admit that I wouldn't be too upset to hear you had."
"Did he hurt her?" I whispered softly.
Her gaze lowered to the ground for a few moments before lifting to look me in the eyes. "She hasn't talked about it, but I believe he might have."
The beast inside licked its lips in anticipation at Grace's words. "I see," I murmured calmly. "If it's true, his fate is sealed then."
Nana didn't voice any objections, merely bowing her head in acceptance of my decision. "I have to admit, living a large portion of my life among your kind has definitely warped my views. Who knew I could be so ruthless as an old granny?"
I shook my head in disbelief. "Old? No way, Nana. You're barely past sixty. You've still got a long life ahead of you." Affectionately, I reached out to pull her into a hug.
She hugged me back warmly, before shivering and patting my back to get my attention. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but you're still very cold from when your true self was slipping through."
Sighing, I released her, brushing a brief kiss over her forehead. "Sorry, Nana."
While Grace rubbed her hands against her arms to regain some warmth, I started down the stairs. "Now to unlock Nisha's evolved form," I jokingly mumbled to myself.