I'm not sure how much time had passed before my panic attack finally subdued long enough for me to break the silence.
Willow: I'm sorry if I'm being selfish. Listening to other people's loss doesn't make me feel better about my own. Especially when it was my fault.
Liam: What was your fault.
Willow: The accident that took my little girl. If Brett and I hadn't gotten in a fight...
I try to catch my breath. Liam keeps a hold of me letting me know he's not going anywhere.
Liam: It's ok. I got you.
Willow: Brett my husband. I caught him cheating on me. I knew we had been drifting apart since Page was born but I kept pretending things were fine. One day I showed up at his office to surprise him for lunch and found him fucking some woman on his desk. When I got home, I packed as much of his stuff that i could in his suit case and left it on the porch while I went to a neighbor with my daughter.
Willow: He blamed everything on our 4-year-old. He blamed my looks, our lack of sex, everything. He was Jealous that I loved her more than him and he was right. He had turned into a verbally abusive asshole and over time I stopped loving him.
Willow: That night he came barging into the neighbor's house demanding I come home. When I refused, he took Page from me and stormed out. He knew she was the only way to get to me to hurt me. She cried for me and I tried to take her from him. When he slapped me the first time it only made me angry.
Willow: He put her in the back seat of his car. When I tried to get past him to open the door, he grabbed by my hair yanking me away. I didn't even feel the second hit, I just found my self-thrown back hitting the sidewalk. Before I could get back up, he was gone.
Willow: Tom tried to chase him down, the neighbor called the cops who came to take statements. Tom tried to get me to go home and rest but I couldn't move from the porch so he sat with me. Hours past. It felt like forever by the time the cops finally come.
Willow: I kept imagining Page running across the lawn and into my arms but it was only the two officers. I knew immediately by the looks on their faces. Their voices became muffled like I was under water.
Willow: Brett had lost control of the car and ended up in a trench. Neither of them had been wearing a seatbelt.... both were D.O.D.....
I began shaking again unable to breath. Liam squeezes my arms kissing my temple and I could fell moisture from his own tears as he pressed his cheek to mine.
Liam: God babe. I am so sorry....
Willow: The reason I could never talk about it was... because every time I think about that night.... I can't get the images out of my head of my baby girl lying there in the morgue.
Willow: Tom had taken me so that he could I.D them. He told me not to go in. He tried to hold me back but I just couldn't believe that she was really gone. I had to see with my own eyes.
Willow: That is something you can never un see.
Willow: I should have never started that fight. I should have just kept pretending.
Liam: Willow... it wasn't your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself.
I pulled myself from Liam in fury.
Willow: I was her mother. I was supposed to protect her. She should have never been in that car.
Liam jumped up and pulled me back into him. Refusing to let me go I gave up struggling and succumbed to crying in his chest.