Location: Oogway's mental diary.
Hello, my name is Oogway. I know what you're thinking, Oogway? The old tortoise from Kung Fu Panda? Yes, that tortoise, the one who goes "mmm...monke...". Why is that your name you might ask? My parents love Master Oogway, almost to the point of worship, so they named me after him. Being named after a cartoon tortoise obviously means I was made fun of during school. It started in 2016, I was a 10 year old boy doing what 10 year old boys normally do, play football (or what the Americans say "soccer"), when a boy came up to me saying that he had just recently watched the first Kung Fu Panda and he finally realises where my name came from. So guess what he does, he starts making fun of me. I don't like being made fun of, so I kicked him in the shin because why not, so he told on me to the lunchlady. The verging on 60 years old woman came hobbling to me, a clear scowl visible on her face, ready to give me the largest scolding her smoke filled lungs could make. Id like to think of myself as a polite person, someone who listens to their elders, so rather than run away I stay in my place and look down on the ground as she's shouting at me, tears forming in my eyes. She sends me to the principals office, he asks for my name which I give to him with dry eyes, he smothers his snicker before it gets too loud, then sends me to the dreaded naughty corner, a place where only the naughtiest of boys who say naughty words like crap go to. I cried more, knowing that my parents would be mad at me so when I got home of course they were. Taking the Mick out of my name went on for quite a while, until I was 13 actually, when everyone started getting a little bit more mature, didn't matter though because I stopped caring at around 12. Im 23 now, just got out of uni with a finance degree and copped myself a part time job, still being teased for my name. Whatever.
Back to the present. I've just finished handing in an assignment to my boss after hours of working on it so now I finally have my coffe break. I say coffe break but I don't actually like coffee. Infact I don't like tea either, I know, quite unusual. I go to the mini fridge that I keep in my office and open it up and take out the Holyest of drinks to ever exist. Diet coke. Another unusual favourite, quite a lot of people despise me for it but what can I say, it just tastes so good! The balance of the fizz coupled with the taste is amazing. The best part about it in my opinion is when the fizz gets to your nose, feels like you burped out of your nose which is pretty cool. I crack open the coke then proceed to guzzle it down as it's supposed to be drunken. Fizzy. Delicious. Exquisite. I contemplate whether to crack open another one but stop my hand. I've had enough, any more and it would be unhealthy and being healthy is good, which is why I don't drink Alcohol.
Despite how good people claim Alcohol to be, I've never had it. Why? Because it. Is. Harmful. I'll take a snack once or twice a week because it doesn't have much of an effect on my health, but Alcohol? That's too much unhealthy for me man. I'm a believer that Alcohol has way more negatives than positives. Imagine how many crimes could be avoided if the person wasn't drunk to begin with, imagine how many relationships would still be intact if someone didn't get wasted and then had sex with a random person, leading to a horrible ending. People will tell you that they can control themselves to a certain extent so that they don't do anything too bad when they're drunk, but what about the ones who can't? Don't you think they shouldn't drink so that accidents can be prevented? Thank God all of this is in my mind, I'm sure I'd ruffle quite a few feathers if I said it out loud (don't come for me pls).
Wow, I've got quite a lot to say today, I should probably get back to enjoying the rest of my break. I take out my phone and open up YouTube. While scrolling through the recommended page I spot a nostalgic face. PewDiePie. Ah yes, the man, the myth, the legend of YouTube. 40 years old and his content still slaps. I haven't watched him for ages! I click on his video titled "Playing Minecraft with my son part 3." and as per usual ads come up. I remember in the olden days YouTube only had 2 ads maximum per ad roll, but now it's just utter hell. I spend the next minute watching unskippable ads of Raid Shadow Legends 2 and then the actual video comes up. It's cute watching his 7 year old son play Minecraft with him. I should get married soon, Im feeling quite lonely and I want to be loved. I spend the next 15 minutes watching Felix build a second giant meatball next to the og giant meatball with the help of his son. He finally ends his video, lifting up his first to the camera and says "bro fist bros." I comply as is expected, it would be sacrilegious not to, and bro fist my screen.
Right when I brofist the screen everything around me turns dark. I look around for the switch, thinking that the lights were malfunctioning again, but I feel nothing. In fact I don't think there's anything around me right now.
"Okayyyy...this is weird." I say to myself. I don't think I've ever been in a place so dark where I can't see a single thing, not even an outline of anything, so of course I'm going to be weirded out. I walk around in what looks to be an endless expanse of nothingness, only to realise that I actually don't feel anything under me.
"Woahh, what the hell, am I floating?" I bend down to a crawl, feeling around with my hands for any surface which my feet could possibly be on, but I don't feel anything. I start feeling around right under my feet, still nothing, yet I'm still not falling. How? Could it be that I died? Is this what death feels like, just an endless oblivion of nothing? I begin to panic, my brain clearly not programmed to comprehend such an existence of an oblivion.
As the edges of my sane mind we're beginning to slowly erode, a light appears in the darkness. This light, for some reason, feels warm even from this distance. It awakens a deep feeling within my heart, something that I thought I would never experience. It felt like...hope. So I did. As I walked towards the light I could feel the warmth increasing, permeating through my bones and enveloping my soul with a coat of protection, eliciting the feeling of hope even more. Could this be my way out of this oblivion? Could I truly escape? As I got closer I began to see a small hill covered in lushous greenery. I could see the faint pink hues of Sakura tree leaves floating down to the ground, covering the green grass in splotches of pink. For some reason Peaches were growing out of the tree, all plump and ripe, urging me to grab one and take a bite, to taste the juices flowing down my throat as they saturated my cells with nutrients. I kept getting closer and closer to the tree until I grabbed one of the peaches. I was about to take a bite when I heard shuffling nearby.
A large tortoise shell shifted behind the tree, limbs popping out with barely any sound to be heard, until I noticed a staff in its arms. Its head slowly emerged, wrinkled by the incurable disease of aging yet still beautiful, majestic even. The tortoise stood on its two hind legs like a bipedal creature, now towering over my measly 6'3 height, reaching almost 8 feet tall. It slowly turned its head around, and that's where I saw a familiar face.
"Master Oogway?!?!"