Do I really think like that? Is there really a part of my brain where these kind of thoughts live; where the thought that my friends, family and Ryan don’t like me, resides? The thoughts like they all are better off without me? The thoughts of self-pitying? How come that part of my mind was so hidden from me? How come I never noticed that I was being suicidal?
I was sprawled on the bed, thinking about the dream I had. I couldn’t believe somewhere in my mind I was self-pitying myself when I hated the pity in the first place.
I had myself locked in my room. I really wanted to stay out of everyone’s sight for a while. The dream messed me up. Never once in my life I had a dream like that where I thought that the love I get is not real.
A knock on the door snapped me out of my jumbled up thoughts. I groaned and placed a pillow on my face, not really wanting to get up but another knock on the door and I shot up to open the door.
