Third person point of view
The next morning, Joshua woke up and sighed heavily. He clenched his fist on the pillow. He buried his head into the pillow and screamed. He got out of bed and finished everything. He took a deep breath before opening his door. He walked out and towards the kitchen in light steps. He could smell the sweet aroma.
Elijah woke up and prepared breakfast like usual. Joshua saw Elijah flipping pan cakes near the stove. He couldn't stop himself from admiring Elijah's outfit nonetheless. He liked it. He looked so chic in that style. Joshua remembered the kiss and also the moment right when their lips separated. It felt like the warmth still lingered on his lips.
He rubbed his neck and sat on the chair without saying anything. Elijah put the pan cakes in a plate and put them in front of Joshua and turned back around without a second delay. Joshua wanted to speak or greet him like always but even before he could say something Elijah's back was already facing him.
He felt dejected and didn't say anything. He turned to the plate in front of him. He sat there not even saying a single word. And Elijah didn't say anything too. He flipped a few more and put them in another plate and put them on the counter. Once he was done, he put the pan away and sat down on the chair looking down to his hands.
He never once met Joshua's eyes nor looked at him at least. Joshua kept searching for Elijah's face to see any signs of him saying something or even just a glance. But he never got them. He knew very well that he wasn't particularly happy for being avoided. He started eating his breakfast. He wanted to tell how tasty they felt like every time.
But he looked up at Elijah and swallowed back his words. Once he was done, he waited for Elijah to say something; anything. But it never came. He got up and decided to leave. He stopped one last time near the doorway of the kitchen and turned to the side to see Elijah from the corner of his eye. Still nothing. He felt a pang in his chest. He left the house without even a bye.
He took a shaky breath as he entered the elevator. He didn't know why, but his mind was rushing with emotions. Almost like he wanted to cry at how overwhelming it felt. It hurt. It did more than he could imagine. He took a deep breath and let it out from his mouth and looked up. He was going to finish his day and then speak to Elijah when he went back.
He let out another long breath and walked out. He put on a smile when he entered his office. He decided to bury his mind in work. He did do that but every time he felt a distraction his mind went back to Elijah. He shook his head and concentrated again. He cracked his knuckles and continued his work. He finished all his work on time and took a taxi back home.
He entered the elevator and he was already nervous. His hands were trembling a little and his stomach forming knots. His thoughts were in chaos. A hundred different scenarios of how it could go were running in his mind. He shook his head deciding to push them all away. It felt like he was all the way back to the morning and it felt just as bad.
He ran a hand through his hair and huffed. He walked up to the door and stood in front of it. His hand wasn't willing to open it, but he also didn't want to escape it. He took one last deep breath and opened the door. He saw Elijah watching television like every evening. Elijah didn't even as much as glance at Joshua. It felt like his chest is being constricted. He tried to stay calm.
Joshua walked and sat on the couch. He still wasn't able to say anything. He couldn't bring himself to do it. They were just watching the television and the voices of the people in the TV were the only source of noise in the house. Joshua did keep peeking at Elijah from the corner of his eyes. But Elijah was sitting there like a statue with still zero intention of speaking.
Joshua started to feel a little restless and pressured the more they sat like that. It even felt a bit suffocating. But he couldn't say anything. He didn't even know what to say after receiving the cold shoulder. He wanted a miracle to happen. If it means it would break this silence, he really wanted it to happen right then.
He couldn't stand this silence but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He didn't like how his heart was behaving. And just like that hours have passed but they did not exchange a single word. It was almost time for dinner. Elijah finally spoke. " I am not coming for dinner. I had late lunch. There are a few more pan cakes. You can have them or go out. Up to you ".
It was indeed true. Elijah slept until evening and had lunch at that time. He didn't feel like eating anything. Joshua nodded. Elijah got up from the couch. Joshua observed every action of Elijah's. Elijah walked to go to his room but stopped before entering. " I will be going abroad tomorrow. My dad asked me to come back for a few days ".
Joshua felt the tears that didn't come out since yesterday, pricking at his eyes. He was gaping not knowing what to say. He gulped hard. " How many days ? " Out of the thousands of things running in his mind, he could only say that out loud. " A week ". Joshua nodded not knowing what else to say. " Bye Joshua. Good night ". Joshua just nodded again.
It felt like the lump in his throat was growing bigger. Elijah walked into his room and closed the door softly. Joshua pulled his legs up hugging them. He lowered his head onto his knees. He sat there for some time and looked up after a while. He threw his head back and took a deep breath. He got up and walked to the kitchen. He took out the pan cakes and started eating them.
He didn't care if they were cold. It couldn't get colder than how it was in his heart or Elijah's attitude towards him. He was a little hungry so he didn't want his stomach to suffer too. He put his fork aside as it felt like there was no strength in his arm. He held his head and let out a breath from his mouth.
He picked up and drank the glass full of water in one go. He picked up his fork again and continued eating. He slowly finished them and got up to put the plates away. He put the dishes in the wash basin and noticed there weren't any dishes to wash except the ones he used. He wasn't in the mood, so he put them in the basin and left to his room.
He sat on his bed staring into space. He felt his phone ding showing he received some message. He couldn't care about any of it. But that brought his back to his senses. He gulped hard and rubbed his face. He got out of bed and walked straight into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and stood under it.
And finally the tears started flowing out freely. He stood in silence letting his tears be an answer for how much his heart was clenching. He pulled at his shirt like it was the reason for the ache in his heart. He clenched it tighter in his hand and crumbled it. He put his hand on his chest and gave it one last pull . He let out a whimper and squatted down lowering his head.
He sobbed silently and let the water wash away his sorrow and tears. He ran a hand through his hair and took a really deep breath. When he felt like he cried enough, he turned the faucet off. He got rid of the wet clothes and changed into new ones. He slept on the bed and felt a few more tears leak out of his eyes. He fell asleep at last.
-MG