I couldn't concentrate or breath. I was just a huffing and puffing mess.
" My wife please... Where is she? "
" Mr. Kaleb?..." A woman called from down a white/ grey hall with neat brown wood accents boards and handrails. Her hand was over her chest she too must have been out of breath.
" Yes! Are you - " she dashed forward seizing my hand and ran me down the hall.
" She's been crying non-stop since waking up and She has had a mild anxiety attack just recently, some hyperventilating and Leary sobbing... Maybe like a half hour ago." I instinctually whipped out my phone and was met with a black screen. I reminded myself it was read and threw it back into my back pocket. I quickened my pace and matched stride with the nurse, my breath ragged but I must admit it was more from panic than fatigue.
'I'm sorry I should have never left your side. Where are you? I'm on my way. I'm here baby, I'm here.'
I was still lost in thought mentally praying that she remains alright until I get there. But then the nurse's pace slowed immediately as she spoke.
" This room! " the nurse pulled a hard left and slammed into the room pushing the door knob down as She did so. I was not aware of our sudden arrival and was still moving down the hall about four steps before I could jog to catch back up. I tun bolted through the door before it fully closed... Closing my eyes I caught my breath, prayed it was actually her, and opened my eyes.
When I did my breath was halted it was her it was really her all teary eyed and curled up with her knees to her chest and her face barred in her knees.
" Kristen I need you to relax a bit honey your stitches and sutures might tear. Please understand."
" I got this. Watch out." I watched as my wife stirred when she heard my voice. I walked out to the side of her hospital bed, Which had the top portion slightly reclined. She resumed her tears, her hands slowly snaking their way up to her face. Her body jerked violently as She struggled to breathe through her own tears that trailed down her round cheeks and puddled in shallow pools on the thick blanket. It was time to work my magic. I pulled her into a soft hug and slowly rocked side to side slowly pushing her legs down and sitting her up so she could breath properly. I even worked on pulling her hands away from her face.
" Kris... You got to breath... " My voice was gentle and hushed as I whispered to her. It took a bit... But I finally got her to calm down and breath normally.
" That's right baby girl... " I stroked her hair. She took a deep breath and released it, her body relaxed and her fingers gripped as much fabric of my shirt as she could grasp. I rubbed her shoulders as we sat in silence. But that silence didn't last long because seconds later I was being screamed at and I let it happen. I could hear the sadness in her voice as she spoke.
" W- where were you?! And why! Why did you leave me!? " She pushed me away to look me in the eyes, her tears rimming her emerald eyes. She weakly hammered at my chest and slapped my legs and arms.
" I thought... I thought he killed you. " I know She was angry but I didn't really want to explain. I pulled her into a tight hug until I heard her whimper, which quickly reminded me of her injuries.
" I... I don't know... I have... No excuse. " my soul heavy like there was a hole in my chest, my quit was eating away at my soul.
" I woke up alone in the hospital!"
" I'm sorry. Kris I'm so sorry. "
" Just don't leave me alone anymore. Please! Please don't leave me anymore. '' she looked at me with her green bloodshot and puffy eyes.
" I won't." I wiped her teary eyes. The weight on my shoulder was getting heavier.
" Promise me!" She slapped my hand away her emerald eyes burning holes into my soul. I paused absolutely shocked with how rough she was being but then again... She could have died alone so she had a right to be angry.
" I promise love. I promise I won't leave you ever again. You're stuck with me until you don't want me anymore. " she finally relaxed and hugged me lightly.
" Good." she sniffled a Little before she allowed her tears to stop.
" Thank you Mr. Kaleb... I guess I'll be getting you a chair. "
" That would be nice. Thank you."
The nurse finally left the room and I looked back at Kristen who was slowly trying to ease herself back on her bed hissing in pain and grinding her teeth as she did so. I instantly tried to assist her ease herself back. I almost forgot she was hurt. She was always good at hiding pain.
" Are you alright? " her eyes scanned over me curious and concerned.
" I'm fine... I tried to pro -"
" Thank god. " She huffed out, closing her eyes. She smiled weakly during the pause and then She continued her train of thought.
" Thank you... For trying to save me ya know? " she started to tear up again and I started to panic.
'Please don't cry. Aww please don't cry love I'm right here.'
"You could have died... Then I really would have been alone. " she wiped her face dry over and over again
" Kristen..." I started to warn but I stopped remembering my plan this morning. But I brushed the thought off and tried again.
" I would never let that happen. " I was perched on the edge of her hospital bed. She was staring into the distance. I guess she read my confusion because she said what was on her mind moments later.
" What would you do if I had died last night?" the question came as a shock to me but I chose not to lie
" If you would have died last night... I would not have been alive by tonight. You are my reason for living so if you aren't here then why would I be?" She fell silent and her breathing gradually became labored.
" Are you okay Kris? "
"... Yes... Why? " She now had her eyes closed and didn't bother to open them when she spoke. That only made me question her more. That's when I noticed her hand hammering the help button as subtly as she possibly could.
" Let me go call someone. "
"Don't leave... You promised so please... Don't leave me. "
" But you-"
I wasn't okay ever since I woke up something doesn't feel right especially after leaning back, I just wa-"
" What are you talking about?" I interrupted her ramble. I was confused. She wasn't making any sense. Was her back hurting? Did she want to shift around? I could help her... I just didn't understand.
" I'm just happy I was able to see you one last time but it sucks... "
" what are you saying? Can I have some help!? "
" I wish I died in a happier way or maybe of old age because spending my life with you would have been the happiest way to live my life. "
" I need help! Get in here please!" it was my turn to hammer the button.
"... I'm not going to make it love... I'm sorry.. I knew something wasn't right... I don't have very long. " her grip on my hand was weakening but I could feel her trying to hold on tight.
" No. No! No! No! Someone please! Don't leave me. Kris!? I just got you back, don't leave!"
"... I'm sorry love... Please... Don't go dying... Live... Live happy... And long... And please... Can I have a... Kiss? "
" I'll give you your kiss but you're going to be fine love. It's alright there'll be here any second." The truth is whoever was supposed to be responding was taking their time. Kris was huffing so weakly her breaths were shallow. Without professional help she wouldn't last long. I leaned in and kissed her, my tears dripping on her cheeks And glided away I pulled away and could barely hear her breathing.
" Somebody please help! " I placed my forehead on hers. When A nurse burst into the room with a chair and I quickly looked up. And pathetically pleaded for help. She took one look at the heart monitor and ran out for a doctor.
"I love you so much... Please don't leave." the monitor beeped one last time after that and it went flat.
'She's not responding anymore. Even her-relaxed and she had a smile on her face.'
The first nurse I talked to came in and jumped onto Kris and started pumping Kris's heart. It didn't work but she didn't stop a Doctor came running in and made sure to kick me out.
" Please wait in the hallway sir. " before Leanna the room I nabbed her phone technically I wanted the keys but I guess that worked. While I had it I sent myself every photo in her library of just her or me and her together I cried and smiled the whole time. supposedly when they brought the electric paddles, what are they called? Defibrillators? Any way... they brought her back but as you'd imagine they lost her soon after and couldn't bring her back again. One of the nurses was out to explain every second one time even disappearing for a while before coming back to explain. The explanation went like this.
Sir we successfully brought her back... Now we are going to diagnose her so don't worry... She was internally bleeding and tore some sutures on one of her organs. We are rushing her off to surgery now... We lost her but we're working on restarting her heart... Please excuse me a moment... And when she came back She tried to tell me what I already knew at this point.
" Mr Kaleb?
I half heartedly raised my head.
" Yes? "
" We tried all we could... " I stood before she could finish and tried handing her Kristen's phone. Soon a Doctor came out and I immediately handed him the phone instead he took it confused I then explained.
This is her phone, it's permanently unlocked and the number on the screen is her mother's. Tell her. Not me. " with that I dragged myself out of the hospital.
" Is it too early to say I quit?" it was meant for Kristen but I know there wasn't going to be a response so I sat in silence and pretended she said " Yes. "