In the past, I've spent countless nights awake. Wondering why life was called life, if living was akin to an endless loop of the night?
I've never had an answer, nor I think I'd ever have one.
Tonight was different. Staring at the high ceiling with a blank mind.
It would be better if I had something to think about. But no, I had nothing but this heaviness in my heart.
Was I upset? Angry? Sad? Disappointed? Which one was it?
But what I know was that I hated the fact that I have this gap in my memory. No matter how I tried to fill that void, I couldn't. There's just this missing piece I couldn't take back.
Do I hate Sam for it? Definitely not. I loved him, so I forgave him even before he comes and apologize. Not that I'm expecting him to apologize, anyway.
After all, I'm just... Lilou. A peasant he clothed, fed, and granted education. Still, I didn't want to consider that now.
