They say that birth is the gateway to being the yang of death and that death is it's yin. Many cultures have tried and failed to understand the baseline of this existence. Many grasped and reached so far they were considered abominations and eradicated before their knowledge became a legacy through the ages. Some though escaped unfazed because they gradually made enough of a head way to stay above the bloodlust and control of civilization and their peers that destroyed others before them. I know that telling this story it might raise some suspicion maybe even disbelief and doubts but the truth always wins out regardless of what you feel and choose to believe. My best friend once said something that I've never known to be more true, Life is like a movie a really good movie that makes you happy excited and powerful but like any movie it's interrupted by a series of commercial breaks that break reality down to the underlying shit of your existence. Our futures are our own but for some reality is always shit our life is a shit movie and it sucks worse than dying because for us death isn't an option when our first breath of life was death. This is where I take you back. I was 16 life was slowly falling apart and continued to do so it started when I was 5. My fifth birthday was the awakening to hell my dad did what many would say was impossible. this impossibility was a strength like that of which only comes to a person under extreme stress but he had that strength at any given time or day it was him and it wasn't normal for a person. He attempted to smash us to death with an engine from a diesel truck by us I mean me, my mother, and my siblings it was then we realized life was more. Back then I was afraid to die cause I was just a kid and back then I wanted to run my fear beat madly in my heart and soul. As I stood before my mother, I was now a 16 year old who graduated to a man in a single bound of wisdom and realization I noticed that my hand was raised against my mother. As she lay on the floor I was floored not even realizing I had rasied my hand that I had done harm to her. It all sunk in especially the only other moments in my life where I had this crisis that had happened where I'd lose my self and just wouldn't know how I got here to this point. It was in this particular moment though my drive love and loyalty for family and those close to me had me where I realized and felt something deep within me like an ugly darkness. That moment wisdom awoke what I was meant to be and the journey I was meant to take. My mother's look of fear took on a mask of astonishment and her eyes held the knowledge I somehow knew I needed. I looked down to her feet taking on the details of the dirty stained carpet and her sockless feet. "You know what's wrong with me...." I took a pause briefly and continued before she could speak " you've known since before I was born" as the realization I somehow knew this knowledge by standing in proximity of her and just feeling everything around her I proceeded forward. "tell me what's wrong with me this isn't a question or option" she gulped visibly realizing her mistake and what was now transitioning. she looked down as if she were thinking what best to say and I knew that a lie was bound to form from her mouth to my ears and I wasn't having it. A rage like nothing I could describe tore through me and drove me to act to do something so I screamed in fury "Don't lie to me God damn it tell me the fucking truth!" she flinched and looked up at me. "Your dead" it felt like a weight that I carried for years just dropped off my shoulders at the words she said calm and coldly. "What do you mean I'm dead? if I was dead then why the fuck has life been a sufferance till now?" she looked reluctant to tell me but she finally decided to. " your father tried to kill us while I was 8months pregnant with you, he thought he succeeded till you were born. as we rushed to the hospital the doctors couldn't find your heartbeat I was in labor for hours and at midnight you were stillborn. all the pain I went through told me it couldn't be that you were alive something said that wasn't exactly a good thing though. at 1:18am the day of your recorded birth just as they were taking your cold lifeless body from me you opened your eyes and they were black as night. you looked staight at me and without a sound reached your tiny hand out. That was only the beginning over time you began to lose yourself like a blackout but worse your eyes would turn black and you were like a wraith of destruction tearing through everything in it's path. Once the threat that triggered you was gone you'd be yourself again with no recollection. I began to research through everything religion science everything until I finally found it in the magic practitioners history and legends. Many men tried to obtain the unobtainable through magic both light and dark that unobtainable need was immortality.....