Still Taehyung POV
I see someone moving next to me. I look up and see that it's Jungkook. Shit.
"You don't mind me sitting here do you?" "Um, sure."
Normally I like Jungkook's presence but under these circumstances.. please don't let him see.
That would be so awkward.
I pulled my hoodie a bit more down.
That looked okay. Please don't let him notice anything.
"Are you okay, hyung?"
"Yeah, yup, I'm okay, I'm great. How are you?"
"Me? Uh, well, my mom just texted me saying she wants to talk today", Jungkook replied.
"But isn't that a good thing?"
"I don't know."
"What did you say?", I asked.
"I didn't answer yet."
"You ignored her?"
"No, I mean she literally just texted me", Jungkook said and held up his phone. The message was sent a minute ago.
"Well, we won't be home until late in the evening.", I said.
"Yes I know, but I feel like it's important. She knows how busy our schedule is, she wouldn't ask me to talk if it wasn't important. Right?"
"I guess so."
"What should I say?" Jungkook asked and looked at me with a helpless face.
"You could call her now", I suggested.
"Yes, but, what if .. what if she wants to talk to me about.. you know?", Jungkook said silently. "Ohh, you mean.." Now I understood. Jungkook nodded. But shouldn't the others know about this too? Just because he was gay didn't make him a different person. The other members would understand, I was sure about that.
"I know that I shouldn't keep this a secret but.. I'm just worried how everyone will react" Jungkook whispered. "I know but the longer you wait, the harder it will be." Jungkook nodded. "What if they find out by themselves one day? Then they'll be sad that you didn't trust them" I tried to explain. "Yes but-"
"Why did you tell me?" I bursted out.
"Well, because, I knew you wouldn't judge me. You know me. I thought you would accept me. And you did. You don't act differently around me, you just stayed the same."
"And why wouldn't the others do this as well?", I ask.
"I don't know, I'm just scared. We're korean idols after all."
I didn't say anything to that. Jungkook was precious to all of the members. They would never judge him for anything especially when it wasn't even his own choice.
"It will be okay, trust me" I said and patted his shoulder lightly. Jungkook nodded and bit his lip. Damn. I could feel my pants getting tighter. I had to look away and think about something else.
I pulled my hoodie down a bit. Oh man, how long will I have to sit next to him?And he had no idea! I felt guilty somehow. I knew I shouldn't feel this way about him. To control my feelings and thoughts was one thing. But to control my -you know what- was not that easy to be honest.
I looked out the window and tried to distract myself. I saw birds flying around. These little birds where you're never sure whether it was really an animal or if your eyes were just mistaken.
These little birds make the world seem pure and innocent. I love animals.
Jungkook laid his head on my right shoulder. I immediately moved a little so that he could be comfortable.
Jungkook snuggled closer and sighed.
"What's wrong?", I asked.
"I don't know, I feel good and then one second later I'm nervous about what my mother wants to talk to me about. I'm scared", Jungkook answered.
"Why don't you enjoy that you feel good right now?"
"I just feel like, there's always something wrong with me and all of you have to deal with it. It's annoying."
Why would he say that? I was the one who was sick, who couldn't sleep at night and who the others had to stay at home for. If there's someone who's annoying it would be me.
"No, why would you say that? If there's someone who's annoying, it's me", I said.
"You could never be annoying."
I looked at him. He was dead serious.
"Thanks", I said with a smile. He smiled too and laid his head back on my shoulder. Not that I didn't enjoy this, but... it wasn't helping.
"You too", I said.
I heard him chuckle lightly.
My eyes wandered to the window again. I tried to relax a bit and laid back to close my eyes. I could hear Jungkook's breathing and felt his body movements every time he breathed in and out.
Something about ten minutes later, the van started stuttering a bit. I sat up and looked around to the other members. Namjoon met my eyes. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything is okay", he said.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that", the driver said. The members heads moved to the driver's direction.
The driver steered to the side as the van jerked over the road.
"We need to call someone, guys this might take a while, if I were you, I would call your manager", he said.
I looked to Jungkook. He seemed worried.
Here we sat now. In the middle of nowhere. Waiting for the driver to get someone on the phone to pick us up. And waiting for Namjoon to get Bang PD on the phone hoping that he wouldn't be mad. Namjoon left the bus to call him. The rest of the members just stayed in the van.
"I'm gonna go pee", Suga hyung said and went outside to find some trees.
"Should I call my mom?"
Jungkook looked at me.
"I mean, we won't be getting further any time soon", he said.
I nodded. "Would you mind coming with me?" He looked at me, his eyes almost begging.
"No, of course not, I'm coming."
Outside, standing beside the road some steps away from the minibus, he dialed his moms number.
"It'll be okay", I said.
He nodded and gulped.
"Hey mom, you have a minute?"
"No, yes I know, but our van is having some kind of failure and we have to wait for someone to come and fix it, so I would be just sitting here anyway. I thought I could ask you what you wanted to talk about. And then talk about it?"
Jungkook noticed my gaze.
I could hear his mother talking on the phone but it was too silent for me to understand what she was saying. Jungkook looked down and opened his mouth to respond but his mom cut him off. He nodded: "Yes, bu-"
"No, please listen to me-"
"I am not trying to sabotage you, I swear."
"Mom."
"Mom, listen to me! I am who I am, okay? No, of course not. This wasn't my choice!"
"I don't know! No. I wasn't planning on it. Yes, I know, I'm not gonna do it!"
"I won't, okay? I promise."
"But why would my decision affect you?! This is my life! If you don't accept me for being gay, you're not accepting me at all!"
"Why? I am not willing to act like someone else, this is me!"
"Mom, please. I-"
A tear rolled down his cheek.
I'm sorry, if that's not okay with you."
"Mom, I'm sorry. I love you."
Another tear was forming.
"Mom."
He looked at me. "She hung up", he said in a whispering voice.
"Are you okay? What did she say?"
"I don't want to talk about it", he said and wiped away the tear. I went in to give him a hug but he denied: "Hyung, don't."
I took my hands away.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, just leave me alone now, please."
His voice was shaking.
I hesitated. Should I really just leave him there? I should be able to have his back, to support him. It's what we do.
"Jungkook, I'm your friend, I want to be there for you", I said trying to make him look at me. He looked up and we locked eyes.
"But I don't want you to be there for me." Those words hit hard.
"I'm sorry, hyung. But I really want to be alone right now."
Ouch. Did I do something wrong?
What did I do? What kind of friend am I that I'm not able to be there for him?
He turned around.
I just stood there, helpless. What should I do?
I came closer and put my arms around him. He didn't do anything. I put my head on his shoulder.
"I wish I could be there for you", I said.
Silence.
"Thanks", he said and patted my head lightly.
I let go of him and walked back to the others.
"Everything okay?", was the first thing Jimin said to me when I sat down next to him.
I nodded.
"What's up with Jungkook?"
"I don't know."
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know."
"Are you okay?"
"I- I'm okay."
"Okay."
"Jimin?"
I looked at him. I bet he noticed something.
"Yes?", he asked and looked at me.
"Would you.. go check on him?", I asked.
He smiled.
"Yes."
I watched him stand up and saw him walking over to Jungkook.
He wasn't standing anymore. He was laying on the grass and looked up to the sky.
I watched through my window how Jimin laid down next to the younger.
Of course I didn't hear what they said.
No one's POV
"Jungkookssi?"
Jungkook looked up and smiled.
"Jiminssi?"
Jimin laid down next to him.
"What are you doing?", he asked.
"Thinking."
"About?"
"Just random stuff."
He sighed.
"Not just random stuff. My mom and I, we were .. talking", he started.
"We were talking about me. About how my decision might affect my parents work."
He waited for Jimin to say something.
After Jungkook didn't hear anything he continued: "She asked me if I was planning on.. on.."
Jungkook gulped.
"If I was planning on coming out", he said quickly and watched Jimin to see his reaction.
"Coming out as what?"
"Gay."
"Oh."
"Yes."
"I guess she didn't take it that good", Jimin said.
"Apparently not."
"And then? What did you say?"
"I explained her that it wasn't my choice and I promised her that I won't come out to publicity. Then, she continued telling me how bad working business will get if I tell everyone."
"What a b-"
"Don't. I'm an idol. And her son. If people find out, it'll be all over the news and her colleagues might see. Her boss might see. They might fire her. Of course she doesn't want that."
"Yes but that's no reason to treat you like that. You're her son. She's supposed to accept you for how you are. What did she say next?"
"She told me to hide it. To act differently. I said that I wouldn't be willing to do so, that I wouldn't wanna act like someone else."
Jimin looked nervously at Jungkook.
"And then?"
"I apologized to her and told her that I loved her."
"She better have said it back.."
"She hung up."
"What?!", Jimin sat up.
Jungkook sat up too and looked at him.
"She hung up", he repeated and a tear was carefully sliding down his cheek.
"Jungkookie don't cry!" Jimin was quick to pull him into a hug.
"Am I that bad? I'm sorry."
"What are you being sorry for?", Jimin asked chuckling lightly.
"Sorry, I didn't want to cry, sorry, that you have to see this."
"No, don't apologize!" Jimin hugged the younger even tighter and went with his fingers through the others hair.
"I just don't get it. I mean. Doesn't she love me? Does my sexuality really change her feelings that much?"
"She's probably just overwhelmed", Jimin said.
"Does anyone else know about this?"
"Except you?"
"Mhm", Jimin nodded.
Jungkook hesitated.
"I told Tae", he said.
Jimin smiled. "Of course you told Taehyung."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, but don't you want to tell the band members as well?"
"I don't know. How'll they react?"
"Probably same as me. Not surprised."
Jungkook looked at Jimin.
"And definitely not judging", he continued.
Jungkook nodded.
"Thank you."
"No need to thank me. You want to go back? Taehyung seemed kinda worried."
"I totally ostracized him, didn't I?"
"Maybe just a little bit?", Jimin said carefully.
"Why did I do that? I want to talk to him, I just don't want to bother him with my shit."
"He isn't bothered, trust me."
"But in the end he'll think of me as some stupid asshole, who pushed him away but later on says, that I actually wanted him to stay."
"Why did you push him away then?"
"I- I don't know, I- he probably doesn't care anyway. In the end he'll say that I was making a drama out of nothing."
"He won't. And if he does, I'll hit him."
Jungkook laughed.
"But seriously. Did this young man didn't just show you, how much he cares for you? He even came with you and when he came back he asked me to go check on you."
"Really?"
"He probably thought that if you wouldn't be talking to him, you might talk to me. He didn't want you to feel alone. So he wanted me to go over to you, so that you could have someone to talk to. See? That's how much he cares."
Jungkook smiled. Did Taehyung really send Jimin out here? So that even if the person Jungkook talked to wouldn't be him, the younger wouldn't feel alone? That was really sweet, Jungkook thought.
Jimin put his arm around Jungkook and pulled him further to walk back to the other band members.