"You seem a bit thinner."
"Sorry if I made you worry!!"
I'm walking to school and I bow down my head immediately upon hearing Rin's statement. Her expression after not seeing me for ten days was a sad one.
"Really, you should take some time to reflect. I called you so many times!"
I mean, she has a point. The once-in-a-lifetime second year spring break came and went and all I did was write. In those ten days, I wrote about 100,000 characters, which averages out to 10,000 characters a day. Before this, my normal speed was about 100,000 characters a month.
Doing some simple math, I somehow increased my output threefold and maintained it for that long. Rin, who has a grasp of my normal writing speed, must have been worried, waiting for when my body might break again.
"But you seem fine more than anything."
I raise my face, and I see Rin's smile. It really is so heavenly. Seeing me all healthy again seems to have brought her spirits up a lot.
"Well, it's because of you... thanks."
When I felt myself toeing my absolute limit, I took a short break so that my body wouldn't crumble in on itself. I don't want to make Rin sad again, so I'm watching myself more often. I can't let myself become short sighted again.
"But sorry, I wasn't able to go out and eat with you like I promised."
"Don't worry about it, it's not the end of the world. We have plenty of other opportunities to make it up."
Rin makes sure to emphasize the fact that we do in fact have plenty of other opportunities. My chest slowly starts to feel all warm.
"Ah, alright. Then... this Saturday, how about then?"
"Yeah, sounds good."
Rin smiles as if she were a child whose parents promised her that they would take her to the amusement park. But there is a hint of cloudiness to her smile.
"What's wrong, you look a little down."
My intuition is right, Rin starts flickering her eyes back and forth.
"Well... I... I'm sorry."
With that single phrase, Rin narrows her shoulders.
"Your dream... well it could soon happen, but it's dependent on Tohru-kun if is writing or not... which is why going out might be... so..."
"Why are you worried about that?"
I try to guess the meaning of her apology. It's related to the growth of my current work "Forever and Always, My Childhood Friend is the Cutest Girl in the World". Well, I know what she probably wants to know. But simply put, I haven't crossed that line yet. But there are good points. I think I improved from a 5-6 to about a 7-8. Compared to all my other works, I've been getting more views and comments. I've also been ranking fairly high too.
But, I still haven't crossed that line. On Syosetu, what's most important to a story's growth is its initial spurt. If the initial growth doesn't cross the threshold, then any subsequent growth won't be good enough. There's also a boost when the series ends, and that adds to the numbers too. From here on out, it won't grow anymore. Rin already knows this, that's why she doesn't need to apologize. Though my current confidence, I wonder if it's a consequence of my short lived enthusiasm.
"Don't worry about it."
I start stroking Rin's face, I give her a smile in response to her cloudy face. It's highly unlikely that my story will get published. There's been a slump in terms of publication recently, so they place a lot more importance on the numbers now, without those really high numbers, there's no way any story will get published and released into the world. But it's fine. I don't harbour any hope, and I won't get impatient and bitter when it doesn't happen. My heart is the calm after the storm, having cleared all negative emotions.
"What I'm writing right now, I feel it's my true abilities."
There's no use lamenting about the results.
"Besides, what I was doing then is pretty unreasonable. The update frequency and time of updates, the tags, I might have been able to get better ratings by playing around with those settings"
This might just be hindsight, but that might have helped me break through. The actual contents are always the most important, however, how you deliver the package is important too. The process is just as important. It's pretty obvious what the result was going to be given that I was ignoring that completely.
"But, it's fine."
What I want now is to let the girl beside me read it as quickly as possible. I want to convey all my thoughts to her, that's why I wrote that in the first place. If I had devoted time to process and package itself, it would have become very different, and not something that was personal to me. Because I didn't have the general audience in mind when writing, as I was writing this for one person alone, the result is that it ended up being my sharpest work by far.
"I'm... satisfied."
I have no regrets. Through my magnum opus, I was able to reach Rin, to convey everything to her.
"I see..."
Rin looks down in embarrassment and starts scratching her cheeks. She's overflowing with happiness.
"Well, that doesn't mean everything when perfectly."
It's a very low chance, but sometimes it takes a long time for stories to get noticed and published. In spite of not crossing the line completely, those works still get published. The patterns for the past three years with various stories is that once these books reach enough sales, manga, movie and anime adaptations are definitely possible.
For the stories that are able to stand triumphantly above the rest, it's not just being able to acquire more readers on Syosetu, you have to prove it on the world stage as well. As long as these works are recognized, it will still get published even if it doesn't cross the line. I still have a slim chance at aiming for that. That's why if I go that route, I don't necessarily have the appeal to just Syosetu, but I can try my hand at public advertising too. I'm grasping at straws by going this way, but s slim chance is better than nothing.
"Besides, I was able to get a good response this time around. After how many works, I'll be able to give you a true paper book as a gift."
Combining my skill with my passion, I was able to write something I wanted to write. I think it's an especially interesting story for what it's worth. There's a lot of passion within me, and for the past five years, I've been building up all the skills necessary. I realized I'm no longer lost or afraid anymore. I'll keep writing for the readers that find my stories interesting. And I haven't given up, so I'll keep on going because little by little, I'll gain more acknowledgement and I'll be able to cross that line one day.
"That's why I'll keep on writing."
This is the decision I've come to, I'm not lying to myself at all.
"No matter how many years it takes, I'll become an author."
Having made my intentions clear, Rin gives me an extremely happy smiley.
"Yeah, I'll be looking forward to when that happens."
For me, no matter how many years I spend on this, those smiles would probably be sufficient in fueling me.
"Oh yeah."
All of a sudden, I propose something to Rin.
"After school today, want to go out?"
"Go... out?"
Rin tilts her head in confusion.
"Yeah, we haven't been out for a while now."
"So collecting data for your novel?"
"What do you mean? I just felt like going out on a whim."
"I'm fine but... aren't you writing after school...?"
"I didn't bring my laptop today."
"Huh?"
Rin's eyes go all round, which is what I expected. I said what was on my mind, trying to pass it off as an excuse.
"Every day, I had worked myself to the bone constantly writing. I basically used up all my time for writing. So I thought from now, I'd take some days off here and there."
"Umm... why?"
Rin stares at me as if she wants to ask me something. A weird tension runs through my body. There's a bigger reason within me, so I take a breath and tell Rin my honest feelings.
"What can I say? I just want to spend more time with you, Rin."
That's how I really feel. While I still do want to become an author and continue writing, I want to spend time with the person I love. From the bottom of my heart, that's what I want. Rin starts blinking her eyes excessively in response, but before long, her expression softens.
"If Tohru-kun is fine with it, then it's all good."
She gives me an immediate positive confirmation.
"You're not mad…?"
"I'm not mad, I just wanted to make sure that this is something you want to do."
"Well, of course."
"Then it's fine. Besides..."
She looks down in embarrassment, then puts on a lovely smile.
"I also... want to spend more time with you Tohru-kun."
Ah, I can't, I really can't hold it any longer.
"Rin."
"What is it?"
"I love you."
"..."
I could feel the sakura blossoms dancing around me, as if they were giving us their blessing. Rin closes her eyes. then opens them up again. Understandably, her face is all red as she's quivering.
"I know..."
There's a hint of sadness in her voice.
"Anyways, I received a 100,000 character love letter from a certain someone."
"It's just characters though. Not even a million characters would be enough to express my feelings."
I think back to my 140 character tweet. I was so foolish and shallow, I had no idea who would even receive that confession. Having Rin know my thoughts in such a lopsided way, it kind of was befitting even if it was a bit surprising. Until now, I kept her waiting, I'm so sorry for that. While this isn't compensation in the slightest, from now on I'll give all my feelings to Rin. Not just through text and speech, in every way possible. Feeling her voice with so much affection, Rin speaks.
"Yeah, I'm sure it won't be enough at all."
Rin shakes her head to and fro. She gives me a smile filled with so much happiness and bashfulness, as she does her best to voice her desires.
"That's why, from here on out, I want you to tell me more."
I decide what I want to tell her.
"Yeah, I got that. I love you so much Rin."
I reach out my hand to stroke her cheek.
"Hmm, that's good."
"Uah..."
She clings onto me. Her sweet scent, her pulsating body heat, that soft feeling, everything, it's just like before.
"I love you so much too Tohru-kun."
I hear that joyful voice fill up my ears as both my eardrums and heart start shaking. We both communicate our mutual thoughts to each other. The person I love most in the world is telling me the thing I want to hear the most...
What the hell?
No good words are coming to mind at all.
Just happiness. It's that plain and simple.
If I'm not careful, my eyes could be overwhelmed with euphoria. But I have to hold on. I don't want to be seen crying, even if it's just my weird stubbornness. As Rin wraps her arms my back, I do the same, as we both collect ourselves for a moment. Eventually, we embarrassingly separate our bodies from each other. Doing this in the morning of the new school term, just what are we doing?
"Y-you know, the new class lists will be up today."
"Y-yeah, hyah..."
Hyah...
Damn it, she's so cute. I stroke her cheeks again, as Rin closes her eyes as if she's enjoying herself.
"It'd be nice if we were in the same class."
"Y-yeah. We'd be together during lunch break. It would be nice not to have to carry a bento box to another classroom."
"What about the multi-purpose classroom?"
"It's fine, isn't is? We don't need to hide it or anything."
Rin gives a refreshing smile.
"Well, that's true."
I smile as well. Words aren't needed at this point.
"By the way, what's on today's menu?"
"Let me think... Deep fried omelette with honey mustard, chives and egg, burdock root... Oh and bamboo shoot rice."
"Holy shit!"
Rin smiles like a child who pranked someone successful because of my reaction.
"Today, I had to make a menu of all of Tohru-kun's favorite dishes."
With a jolt, I'm overcome with emotion.
"Oh come on..."
She's being so lovey-dovey.
"I can totally see right through you."
I'm shaking because of my emotions, while Rin lets out a smile.
"It's because we're lovers."
Thump
My heart leaps out of my chest and it feels like I'm choking. I stop walking. With me stopping, Rin walks a few more steps before turning around.
"I'm just returning the favor!"
With a strong voice, Rin gives me an impish smile. It's a brilliant smile without any unease, anxiety and irritation, instead showing full hope for the future. From here on out, I'll be living my life together with Rin. Unless a jealous god decides to take petty revenge, this is my definite future. Things aren't going to be full all the time. There will be tough times along the way.
But, I'll be fine. I have Rin by my side. And by my side, she'll be smiling.
That's enough for me to believe that I can overcome any hardships awaiting me. I have faith I can surmount any challenge.
I'm lucky, you know. From the bottom of my heart I feel so grateful, being able to meet someone like this, being able to communicate my emotions so deeply, the probability of that happening in the universe is so low, isn't it? Of course, that might be an exaggeration, but I truly believe that.
No matter what anyone else says, I'll keep on believing. I'm lucky to have met Rin, and being able to be together with her is even more lucky of me. So, as we continue to walk down this path of towards the future, I give myself the deepest sign of gratitude. Being able to spend every day with Rin for each minute, each second, I reflect on that as I start the future. I swear that upon my heart.
"Come on Tohru-kun."
Rin walks up to me as I haven't moved a step. She takes my hand as she gives me that lovely smile.
"Come on, let's hurry up or we'll be late."
And so, these peaceful days with the world's cutest childhood friend will hereby continue forever and always.