"I'm Tohru-kun's world's number one fan."
Her voice is filled with so much warmth. Like a gentle blanket, her voice seems to envelope me, as if she was smothering out all the sins in the world. Her playful smile is like a dandelion blowing in the wind, as soft as ever. She keeps on talking.
"Your first story was about a young girl traveling the world with a talking tiger."
Hearing her talk, it's like she was holding an album of memories and plucking them out.
"In grade three, Tohru-kun wrote a love story between a runaway saint and a genius delinquent."
One by one, Rin recounts every single one of them.
"In grade four, Tohru-kun wrote a romcom where whenever the protagonist would lend his eraser to the girl sitting next to him, she would turn all nasty."
Memories of my past stories start flooding back to me. She keeps going up grade by grade, recounting each story.
"And in the first year of middle school, Tohru-kun would begin writing stories online. His first one was a love story between the lonely protagonist with a crazy hair-do and the bald class president."
!?
"H-how Rin..."
"How indeed..."
An impish smile appears on Rin's face, making her look so mischievous. After revealing the secret she kept for so long, she pauses, before speaking again, her lips vibrant.
"I did say I was your number one fan after all. Why wouldn't I read everything?"
My brain feels like a circuit that just became connected. I felt this sensation before. It must have been a few days ago, when Rin was sleeping on my lap...
"His next story changed genre, this time becoming an isekai story, and since I would read everything, I read that too. Reincarnations, unparalleled cheats, class changes, the ability to slow time, party banishment..."
Without hesitation, Rin talks about all my online stories as well. I'm in complete shock when Rin whispers a new phrase into my ear.
"I would leave a positive comment every day, no... every chapter."
Just like a circuit finally being fully wired, I feel a jolt in my brain.
"This is my first comment here, but this is very interesting. Please do your best, thanks author!"
"Nira...san?"
As I mutter that, Rin's mouth becomes all loose. In my head, I arrange the floating characters in my head.
Rin Asakura
I flip both her first and last names.
Nir Arukasa
Nira Rukasa
Nira = Rin
"Rin, you... were always leaving comments then."
"Come on, don't sound so depressed."
Rin nods and I'm at a loss for words. I collect myself after receiving such a major shock to my system.
Nira-san is Rin.
That is to say Rin has been reading all of my works and commenting every chapter. Shock, joy and shame; I feel myself being wrapped up in so many emotions. My face starts to feel all hot, my heart starts pounding irregularly. It sort of feels like I won the lottery. Meanwhile, the functioning parts of my brain are starting to pick up the pieces.
"I'm Tohru-kun's world's number one fan."
I finally understand the true meaning behind those words.
"Why is Rin so forcefully trying to shorten the distance between us?"
That was a question I asked myself before. The answer lay right before me, as my intuition was ready to pick it up. No, wait...
I realized that I was doing something unreasonable as soon as my logical reasoning finally caught up with me.
"That means, that tweet..."
"H-how about we don't go there."
Rin turns beet red as she places her index finger on top of my mouth. I shut my mouth as I feel an unfamiliar pressure on me.
"Anyways."
Clearing her throat, Rin looks directly into my pupils and keeps talking.
"I've read every single one of your works. That's why I have faith in you."
When I look at her, I see only hope, there isn't any hint of pessimism on her face.
"Tohru-kun, you're almost there, and your dream will become a reality. You'll be wasting so much if you decide to quit now."
Her persuasiveness causes me to gulp. This is the point of view from one of my readers, someone who knows my works in and out, how couldn't it be persuasive?
"But, I..."
However, there's still a part of me that still doesn't believe, that just wants to leave everything behind. All I can do is make a soft sound.
"Up until now, I submitted some dozen works... and it's been nothing but terrible. If publishing requires a ten, I'm always only halfway there."
"Why are you unable to reach that level, do you know the actual underlying reason?"
"Well, that's..."
I avert my gaze like I'm looking away from the truth,
"...That's simple, I don't have any talent..."
"No, you're wrong."
Rin immediately negates my self-deprecating answer, yet her tone is still kind, as if she were lecturing a rowdy child.
"I think you have enough skill already, Tohru-kun. By that I mean, writing ability and organization."
Rin looks so much like a teacher, lecturing me with her finger in the air.
"Writing ability, organization, vocabulary, they all act as a bridge to allow the writer to convey what they want to their readers. The bridge you created Tohru-kun, it's already sufficient enough."
What Rin is basically saying that because I earnestly read so many stories and wrote many myself throughout the years, I refined my skills by inputting and outputting stuff everyday.
"That's already so much talent right there. The fact you persisted for five years already is something most people can't boast about."
My chest starts to feel itchy as Rin showers me with praise and respect.
"On the flip side, just continuing on like that is bad."
"Isn't it simply just a problem with what you want to write though Tohru-kun?"
It feels like all the blood in my body just stopped.
"You said that yourself. You don't want to write for anyone else anymore."
I silently nod my head.
"If you're writing something you aren't passionate about, then it'll show. The difference in passion between that and writing something you want is distinct, no?"
Rin does have a point...
I only want to write for myself!
Hmm, saying that seems to put the readers in the bad light, so maybe there's another way.
I prefer to write stories that are created from my own thoughts and ideas. There's no way I could beat the strength of something created like that.
It really is simple. I know, but...
"But if I don't write something that readers want, then who will read it..."
When the demands of the readers match with the own personal desires of the author, then that's good. What Rin said about creating a bridge, that would work out well here. But what if that's not the case? Rin responds to my muttering.
"You certainly have a point Tohru-kun. Publishers look for works that meet reader demand to some extent. Hmm... On Syosetu, between isekai and romance, which one would publishers go for? If you want to write other genres, you might have to look for other sites or put it up publicly elsewhere"
"Why are you analyzing this so much Rin?"
I throw a simple question at her, after hearing her long explanation.
"So it would be useful for you whenever the time came."
Now that that time has come, Rin throws her chest out with pride. I start to feel my heart slowly start to warm up.
"I predict that if you want to write something for yourself, it has to fall under the two big genres."
With that, Rin looks at me again and asks.
"So Tohru-kun, what's the number thing you want to write right now?"
Something I want to write...
Disregarding everyone else, what is it exactly that I want? I listen carefully to my heart. It's something that I have done hundreds, if not, thousands of times the past few days. It's the same response every time, nothing...
This really is the result of continuously writing for the readers. In the end, I don't understand what I want at all.
"There isn't anything to understand, all that happened is that you forgot."
Rin says that, anticipating what I was going to say.
"Comparing when you wrote novels in elementary to now, the bridge, the connection, it completely changed. It was already shining the brightest back then."
That's why she was touched. She thought it was interesting and wanted to read the sequel. To her, those works were filled with a lot of what Tohru-kun loved. As if she were tracing a riddle, Rin speaks up again.
"Please give it another thought."
And thus, she asks me the same question.
"What exactly does Tohru-kun want to write?"
That quiet voice lures the memories deep from within. The very first story I wrote was a homage to Kino's Journey, the book in the school library. My passion to become an author like Maple Satou drove my will to keep writing.
After that, was the story about the runaway saint and genius delinquent. I wrote that because I was influenced by other love stories I read at the time. Thinking back on it made me happy since Rin enjoyed that one a lot.
The next one was the romcom where whenever the protagonist would lend his eraser to the girl sitting next to him, she would turn all nasty. Rin really liked that one, so I decided to write another love story. Thinking back on it, it was a really happy memory for me. And the next one...
All the emotions from those times come rushing back to me. Listening to the echoing silence of my heart, I gently come back to my senses. What I wanted to write back then, what I want to write now, why did I want to write that? Who was it for?
Little my little, the truth starts to slowly surface within me. Its form is still sort of murky, but seeing it materialize in my heart, it is a sensation I never felt before. Like throwing gasoline into a fire, I feel myself flaring up and my body starts to shake. It took a very long detour, but I finally found that coveted treasure.
Ahh, so it's that.
Yep, it definitely is that.
What I want to write, it's-
"Fuah, wh-what's wrong?"
I hear her flustered voice. Not giving a damn about what she thinks, I hug her tight. And thus, I utter a few words, my gift to her.
"Thank you, Nira-san."
She might be mad, but I decided to call her that for a reason. But really, I've been saved countless times. I start to feel heat gradually well up in my eyes. So many times, many many times, I was close to giving up, to stop writing all together. I complained so much in my head. Even so, I would keep writing every day, and it's all thanks to Nira-san.
And it's not just Nira-san that helped out, I remembered the joys of writing and why I started writing in the first place. No matter how many times I say 'Thank you', it won't be enough to describe how much gratitude I have in my heart. And with an impish smile, Rin returns the favour.
"No worries, Kamino-sensei."
With a squeeze, Nira-san, well Rin, returns the hug I have been giving her. For a little while, we stay like that. After we part ways, I ask Rin a question that has been on my mind.
"But really, you really did choose such an obvious and simple username."
"Oh shut up. I had to quickly think of a username since I wanted to get my comment up as soon as possible. Nothing good came up, what did you want me to do?"
"I see, so you were full of love for me then."
"Don't be so conceited. Well.. you aren't... wrong."
Putting her head down in embarrassment, I give the lovely Rin a gentle stroke on her face. Her facial expression isn't that bad at all.
"If we're talking about usernames, what about yours Tohru-kun? No matter how you put it, it's just really terrible. Apologize to Mr. Smith already."
"Give me a break Mr. Smith. The chuuni invisible hand is moving again..."
"Haha, it's good that you're being obedient."
Rin and I look at each other. While things have gone a little weird, we both laugh at ourselves. Afterwards, I tell Rin something.
"There's something that I want to write."
"I see."
After her short reply, she speaks again.
"That's good to hear."
Rin gives me a gentle heartfelt smile as I give her one last stroke. I've finally decided.
"Alright, I'll head back and start writing."
"I'll be looking forward to it then, but..."
Her expression looks a bit worried.
"Please don't push yourself, okay?"
Now that I recuperated, I could feel myself flowing with love for Rin. I give her one last hug. My body temperature cools off. Words aren't needed anymore. As I stand up, I grab the doorknob.
"Tohru-kun!"
I look back and with a heavy breath, Rin directs all her strength into her words.
"Do you best!!!"
She's putting all her emotions into her voice. This yell is different this time, now I have the feeling that I can take on the whole world.