I have found the ultimate in fortifications. A stout metal door, full of bars and locks and magical barriers. Heavy, thick walls, floor and ceilings made of reinforced concrete and enchanted against all sorts of impacts and magic. I am safe from the world!
Except really it is the other way around. I was told I am a player and informed that if anything happened at all while they transported me to this prison, they would put me to death on the spot. I don't know what they mean by player, but I will assume it does not mean I am popular with the ladies.
They told me to enjoy my time in the shoe, and I didn't know what they meant. Then I found out it isn't something you wear on your feet, but an acronym. SHU: Solitary Housing Unit. I've been here a few hours so far and I have this great roommate. The light buzzes and I tell you what, that buzz is all my companionship in the world. Sometimes the light blinks off for a moment and the buzz goes away and I feel like I am dead, but outside of that, this place is a party.
Maybe I can eat soon? I hope they feed me. Maybe a player is a gambler with unpaid debts, and I am in serious trouble over losing at poker. Maybe a player is a murdering sack of garbage who deserves to die. I'm keeping it positive in here!
I still have everything in my inventory, and I can still cast cantrips. Everything is supposed to be magic-proofmagic proof, but apparently my cantrips do not care and do what I want anyway. This is proof for my cantrips not being magic. So I guess I could break out, but that seems like a really bad idea. After all, if I don't obey the law they'll consider that an act of war. I am not entirely sure what that means, but I kind of stand out, and it's a bad idea to get branded as a war criminal when everyone can pick me out just by seeing my face.
So I guess I can play with my UI. Maybe having this UI is what makes me a player?
I was brought here in a magic cage and flown through the air by some of those drones. Apparently the drones are golems powered by an innovative combination of illusions and runes. I was bored on the way here and inspected everything I could about those guys since they told me not to talk. The runes make illusions of more runes which then make magic happen. The way they work sound a lot like computer languages., since the "assembly" runes are all based on Boolean logic These things use one runic language for nouns and then another language for verbs. The first part makes the runic object, and the second part makes the runic action. That sounds like computer programming to me. Except they can include runes that make you piss fireballs and crap dragons.
Anyway, my UI settings are getting more frustrating. There are menus I can find only by highlighting invisible text, but I can't find anywhere to paste it after copying it. As I am going through screen after random screen, I find my music player window now has music loaded. That's weird. I guess I can listen to music now. I have… Heavy metal? This is music about falling in battle for glory. For some reason I can recognize it as Viking metal. I like this music. It makes me feel like struggling in life might have a purpose, despite being about mortality.
Suddenly, the door opens! I pause the music, completely clueless if they could hear it. Is it just music for me? I don't know. Maybe everyone could hear it. Standing there are a couple of golem drones.
"Hello, Mister Matrisyan. I understand you are claiming to have amnesia and to be unaware of how your abilities work, is that correct?"
The golem's screen displays an elf's face with a waxed moustache and large round glasses. I really want to see him get punched in the face. If he was actually here instead of piloting a golem, I would commit a war crime.
"I can't remember anything before a week ago and I think I'm doing magic but the guy who arrested me told me I wasn't."
I am standing by the truth because I have no idea what kind of lie would work here. In fact, I feel a strong dislike for lying and liars for some reason.
"Hmmm. Do not move. I will be gauging your pathology."
He peers at me through a monocle in the golem's hand for a long minute.
Abruptly they leave. No words, no physical indication other than them shutting the door. I don't think that's a good sign. I scratch at my chin idly, and then everything goes black with a single horn going off, followed by an inhuman voice in the cell saying
"Lights out."
Good night, everybody!
The sudden darkness makes me feel slightly dead, so I feel about on my body. Yup, all the furry bits are still attached. This concrete bunk has a thin pad which I can use as a blanket or a mattress, but not both. No pillow. I guess I can craft some stuff in the dark. The crafting windows are eerie with how they illuminate themselves but not my surroundings.
As I go through crafting recipes, I find one section that might be suitable. Extraplanar tailoring sounds right up my alley. My crafting inventory is full of things, just absolutely cluttered with all manner of oddities. I wind up making a phoenix down pillow and dreamcotton blanket. After some consideration, I take out a Fenrir wolf fur and roughly bundle that into a mattress. This bed is pretty okay.
As I snuggle into the bedding and feel the physical tension drain, though not the mental, I hear some singing, or maybe some pure tones. It is wispy, ethereal, definitely a tenor. Am I about to be haunted by the ghost of a musical?
An iridescent shimmer of blue, purple, and turquoise comes from the far wall. From this shimmer emerges a being of majestic stature! Just kidding, it's a kind of short dude in a bathrobe smoking a cigarette. There's a coffee mug in his hand and I think I smell strong liquor. This guy is about as wide as he is tall, and his body contours suggest extreme muscles.
"What's up, man. Which shard you been grinding?"
He flicks his cigarette, and the ashes almost gets to my pillow before it glows and vanishes. Did my pillow do that? I guess I don't need to wash it that often if it self-cleans! This guy has a mohawk pulled tight to his head in two braids swept back along the center of his head, with tattoos drifting around on him everywhere except his face. The tattoos all look like weird letters and numbers and are slowly changing shape as I watch them slide around.
"Um. Hello? Just here, I think. I have been slaying dragons and stuff."
I should hide my ignorance but still answer with the truth. I feel like I will be bad at this, but when I tell the whole truth I get in trouble.
"Yeah cool. But which shard were you in before this one? Or have you been slumming it in this dump away from the battlegrounds? Nice shapechanging system, by the way. It's saying you're a gnome and here you are totally pretending to be some monkey magic. And your class… Level zero? Woah dude, you're doing a crazy challenge. I didn't even know that was an option."
Did he just inspect me? I try inspecting him and see all sorts of stats. He's a Muscle Wizard/Duelist/Tattoo Shaman. Each of those classes have their own tab, so I don't think he's all of those at once? Or maybe he is. I really can't tell. His name is Rhynn Taconight. What is up with that name? It is night, so will he make me a taco?
"I got hit with a loopy memory attack and everything before about a week ago is fuzzy. I traveled up here hoping I could get some assistance with my memory."
"But you remember the last week well?"
Rhynn leans forward and lowers his cigarette slightly. I did not expect a short, wide guy like that could smolder so well.
"Well, yeah. It's been pretty intense, and I honestly wish I could forget parts of it."
I try to keep my facial expression from changing because I just might cry if I express any of that emotion.
"Oh shit, dude. My bee. Here, have a swig." He hands me the mug. My eyes sting as I look at ice nestled in a golden liquid. I take a pull, and realize the cup is empty. I cough some, and Rhynn pounds my back, saying "That's the way! Now tell Papa Rhynn what all went down."
Suddenly there's a jar of pickles in his hand and he's handing me a fork.
I eat a pickle, and notice a small tray set up between us. Rhynn is leaning back in a reclining armchair. The tray suddenly has an ashtray and a bowl of shelled nuts. This guy is pretty okay so far.
I tell him about meeting the shitty god, and about my UI being bugged out. Before I can get to talking about encountering a dragon, he asks me
"We don't know if you're a player or not? This sounds intense." He lights another cigarette, except this one looks slightly different and smells mustier, like damp earth and pungent herbs. He passes me the cigarette. "Calm your nerves, bro. You've had it rough."
I cough even more, but my back suddenly feels lighter and I don't feel like crying at all. I cross my fingers that I do not have an addictive personality. My titles don't support that hypothesis, but surely there's more to me than those titles, right?
There's a couple of bottles of beer on the tray. He takes the lid off one and hands it to me. It tastes of rye bread and mushrooms. I chug it without hesitation.
"Sorry about that. I have a title that makes me a lush." I feel kind of bad with how I keep chugging the booze he gives me.
"You have a title? I couldn't see that. You, my friend, are a mystery. And I am bored with this lifestyle. I would like to unravel your mystery."
I like the sound of that!
"Let me try adding you to my friend list."
A window pops up in front of me, asking me if I would like to add Rhynn Taconight to my friends list. Hooray, I have friends. There's a name there. I don't especially feel different, but I did just smoke an unknown substance. And he is passing it back to me again.
"Finish that off, and then let's try going to another shard. I think for you the island resort is the best option. We can just relax and play some beach volleyball. The guys here might miss us, but as long as we come back to our cells, we technically never broke out since we never went anywhere in this world outside the cell. Gotta love loopholes, bro."
"Except you're in my cell right now."
I mean, they might detect that, right?
"Nah man, this is just an astral projection of manliness and muscle." He flexes, and the bathrobe ripples in a suggestive fashion.
"Do me a favor and try opening a window for shards."
I find that option and open it up, and it is blank. I think this was the blank menu option I found earlier.
"The window doesn't show me any text."
"Oh snap. Sounds like that god is messing with you. Okay, try opening a message window to talk to me through the friend list."
I do that, and prompt him to continue.
"Now try cutting and pasting the text from the shard window to your message to me."
Hey, this is kind of like what I wanted to do earlier!
"Done. My message window is blank still, but it is acting like it sent a message."
I really wish I could see just the highlighting, even if not the text.
"Ok, it looks like you have regular shard access…. Except there's an extra option. Shardtether? That's a new one on me. I think you are stuck here until you remove the tether. I don't know what that even is." Rhynn scratches at his goatee and slams a beer.
"So you're stuck in this shard. But we can at least visit the spirit world attached to this shard. As long as we leave our physical bodies here, we're golden."
He begins rolling another of those earthy cigarettes.
"We need you to figure out how to make a non-physical body. Your class is weird, but it's a wizard class, so you should be able to research a spell or ability to accomplish that. Once we're in the spirit world, we'll start busting heads to get some answers about this nonsense."
I poke around my UI for a few minutes to find a research window. The menu is all glitched out, with strings of garbled text.
"I think I will have to do something to fix my research ability. That window is completely bugged with weird symbols."
"Man, fuck that god! You said he was shitty, but I'll say he is shitacular. That dude's five gallons of dildos in a one-gallon bucket."
You can measure dildos in gallons?
"I might be able to fix it in the settings menu."
Rhynn gets quiet on that point. Maybe settings menus are weird?
"Yeah, check out that settings menu and see what you come up with. For now, I am going to get some shut-eyeshut eye. G'night, bud." He stands up, and all the items he brought in vanish. I wave at him with a smile, and he disappears through that shimmering portal again.