I was mortified, I felt like I'd been found out. I didn't do anything wrong, but just that transition from feeling serenely alone to realizing someone was there, hit me hard. What do I do now? Why do I say I'm here?
She gracefully leaped from the branch she stood on to a lower branch, and quickly climbed down the tree.
"Did that hit you?" She asked, and I realized I can't run from the conversation.
"Ah….no, no" I said.
Now that she stood in front of me, I realized that I am talking to a girl. I wasn't sure how old she was, however, she probably finished school already, otherwise why would she be here in the early morning? Her light blonde hair was very long, reaching the middle of her thighs. Her eyes were a bright shade of mossy green, and her pale face was mildly adorned by freckles. She was wearing a pastel pink skirt over a white blouse, its collar neatly tied with a ribbon. Her striped pink-white socks covered her knees, and her black doll shoes looked new and spotless. I thought it was a little too nice of an outfit to go climbing trees with, but then again, she was so agile while climbing that it didn't seem to matter.
A wave of anxiety washed over me as I stood there, unsure what to do. She seemed to notice my unease, smiled at me and said, "I'm Linnea. Linn"
"Ummm… Aspen. I guess that makes me an Ass"
She didn't laugh at my joke, and I was immediately ashamed of trying to tell one. She broke the awkwardness with a big smile, but didn't say anything. It was probably wrong to ask her what she's doing here. I thought I already appeared weird, and the last thing she needed was to feel like she was interrogated.
"I'm sorry to have interrupted you. Umm, you have a good day" I told her and waved at her. I turned around and started going back to the trail. My stomach felt a little sick. I went on this walk to calm down, and here I am, all tense, even worse than before I left the house. All my social anxieties have been triggered. I'm going straight home now, enough walking for today.
The way back was quick. I was walking very fast, even though I wasn't in a hurry. My stomach kept turning, and my head was yammering on about how I looked like an idiot, and made a stupid joke. I didn't care about the way around me, about the weather, about the leaves and about the rain. I just wanted home.
When I arrived back, Yvaine and Danica jumped on me from the door. "Babies!" I called to them, and kneeled to hug them both. My heavy feelings weren't gone, but they were definitely eased. My baby girls knew how to make me feel loved. Dani purred, then quickly ran to grab her feather toy and drag it around the house. I wished she would play with Eve a little, but Eve didn't seem to have any interest in chases and toys. She was much older, and mainly loved to nap and cuddle. As opposed to the oblivious kitten, Eve seemed to notice I was feeling odd, and gently rubbed on my shoulder, letting me know she wanted to comfort me.
I still wasn't able to work. I opened an email, wrote 2 sentences and then just stared at my screen. I kept thinking about what happened, and getting more and more embarrassed in retrospect. I knew nothing I did was wrong, yet I just couldn't help this feeling. But amidst the embarrassment, I also started feeling something else. I felt I wanted to see her again. And I felt curious. I may have looked a little weird hanging around the park on my own, but what the hell was SHE doing there, up on the tree? And how come I've never seen her around this area? Will she be there again if I return, hogging my favorite spot at the park?
I made myself some coffee and went back to the laptop. I'm so unproductive today, I thought. I wanted to talk to someone about what happened, but I didn't know whom. I had friends, or so I thought, but it always felt weird to just call them out of the blue. How do I tell this? Why do I tell this? Would they think I'm stupid for even finding this significant? I never called or texted anyone if they didn't do so first. I knew it's bad, and I knew I'm burdening everyone with having to contact me, and still I never knew how to start a conversation.