June 2012
Darkness
I walk through the halls of an unfamiliar territory clutching my sleeves tighter as if it will save me from the biting cold.
My skin was covered with goosebumps both from the chill and the eerieness of the background.
It's so gloomy.
I solely hear the padding of my bare feet on the floor. The way the room echos its sound feels like it's empty.
I'm all alone
"Annalise ..."
I hear a deep velvet voice whimpered in the air. Suddenly all the hairs in the back of my neck prick in longing.
"Annalise, we're sorry"
I feel my eyes heat up and unexpected tears flow across my face.
The voice was familiar and foreign at the same time. It called to me like an anchor to a ship. It stirred a discarded sentiment in my chest.
I smeared off the tears on my face as I bit back a sob. The feeling of being unhappy gradually swelled into the feeling of being miserable.
Wetness seemed to drip off my face to the tip of my collar bone. I was confused, wasn't crying anymore, I don't understand.
My breath was short. I've been panting. It was then that I realized the wetness had been the sweat that has been trickling off of my forehead.
Hot
Now I feel hot all over. It's suffocating me.
I feel my body sweating profusely by the heat. It's an uncomfortable type of heat. Like being thrown into the deepest pits of hell.
Oh God I'm burning up
I wield myself to open my eyes. Suddenly I was greeted by flickering embers of the flame just across my room.
I sat up to realize why was it so hot.
Fire!
There's fire in my room!
I jumped from my bed in fear and ran out of my room. I called out my foster mom's name throughout the building.
Questions were popping out of my head.
Where could she be?!
Is she safe?
The surroundings was dark as the night was still young. But there was an orange glint within what my vision could reach.
In the midst of my panic, I spot a silhouette of a man very familiar to me.
It's Christian!
His stance and the way he suspiciously checks his surroundings make me think he's not here to check on his mother.
He was talking to someone on the phone while scurrying his way out to the grand hall.
Coughing up from the heavy smoke I realized the fire wasn't only in my room.
The whole library is burning!!
Handful books burning, shelves were being scorched by the flames.
The fire was creeping from one room to another with each room devoured, the flames swelled. The fires were having a feast on our brick and wood home.
I ran towards the opposite direction my foster brother went which is deeper into the building.
I hysterically yelled my foster mom's name while sprinting through the burning halls that I once called home.
Stumbling over the steps of a narrow staircase at the side of the halls, I reached her room on the third floor. As I clasped the knob to open her door, only to be filled with a searing pain in my palm and the smell of burning flesh.
I quickly let go of the knob realizing that it was scalding hot to touch. I hissed in pain as a nasty red imprint start to appear on my palm.
"Mother! " I screamed but only a muffled voiced and a fitting coughed answered me. I bundled my clothes at the knob despite making me indecent to the belly down.
That moment of panic made me foolish to think that my flimsy nightdress was enough to protect my already wounded hand from the raging hot knob.
I promptly let go once again. My gazes wandered for any kind of object to help me open the door.
My eyes were already obscured by both tears and smoke but I didn't let it falter. Both the raging coughs and the smoke escaping out of the door gaps were enough to fuel me.
I grabbed burned-out books and cheap vases but it wasn't enough to even graze this knob.
"Mother, hold on! I'm going to find someone... anyone" with terror and desperation I scampered through the library.
Trailing my path with only memory since our home was already being ravished by the flames beyond recognition.
A glimmer of hope snuck into my heart when I heard a voice calling out.
"Is anybody still here?" a man in a cream and bright yellow uniform appeared between the flames. It was a firefighter!
"Help us! Please!" I screamed despite the scratching in my throat doing so.
He raced towards me and asked, "Is there still someone out there?" I furiously nodded my head while tears stream down my face.
"Yes yes my mother is still on the third floor" he nodded to his companions as one of them took me outside.
I turned back to look at him as he went into the staircase. I felt both relief and worry as I put my faith into the firefighters that went to save my foster mother.
---
I stare out at the scene before me as the medic tends my injuries. She was examining my severely burnt hand and was discussing how to attend it, yet no words were reaching my mind.
Ashes flew all around, some of them still had an unburnt paper to them. My heart constricts in pain and heaviness. Our once peaceful and humble home now burned to the ground.
It wasn't long after my foster mother was being carried out by the firefighters. I was about to run towards her when the medic reprimanded me.
"Ma'am I have to finish these before I can let you go. I know you desperately want to go to her but you'll faint any moment before you can even make it halfway", she said while turning on a ventilator.
I complied as I watch my mother being taken to the hospital, "Can I see her after? I don't know where they are taking her", I said desperately. She smiled in my direction "Of course dear, they are taking her to Liason's Hospital"
One of the fire volunteers was kind enough to give me a lift to the hospital. I was only at the foot of the building when I see how disastrous the place was. Patients were having beds outside the rooms, some of them are still bleeding while waiting out in the ER.
To be shocked was an understatement. I went to the small table that I think was meant to be the nurse's station.
"Excuse me miss, I'm looking for a Therese Martin", she looked down at the sight of me. Being disheveled, covered in soot and bandages.
"Are you okay honey?", she asked worriedly. "I'm fine ma'am, I just need to find my mother", she hesitantly nods while checking her files.
It wasn't hard since it was one of the top papers on her desk. "She was just in a few minutes ago, the ICU down to the third hall on your left", I smiled at her weakly and walked at a fast pace.
It wasn't difficult to spot my mother since the whole ICU was an open-spaced hall with a lot of patients mixing in with each other. There were currently four medical personnel around her. As I approached her bed, the four of them lifted their heads to me.
"Hi", I spoke softly. "I'm her daughter", I continued as I grasp her surprisingly cold hands. I tucked them in the blanket that was provided for them. Hoping that it would provide her with some warmth despite it being thin. I want to rub it to haul some of my heat to hers but mine were bandaged from the burn.
"I have to be blunt with you miss, your mother is not a good place right now", I can tell this one was a doctor by the long lab coat that he wore. "Our home--library was burned down, I would agree with you on that", he wore a somber expression as he nodded to his colleagues and nurses as a signal to leave.
Even as they left it didn't provide privacy to us. There were still patients in their own beds a couple of feet away. "I'm sorry, I heard what happened to the library. To be honest we all knew you and your mother since we all did our studies and readings there."
I felt more tears running down my face as if I haven't already cried a river.
"But your mother won't make it this week if her COPD hasn't been treated--"
"COPD?" I cut him off. Dreading of the next words he will speak.
"Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease", he said while I looked at him in shock. Of course, my mother had her fits of coughing before but it was never within our knowledge that she was suffering this kind of disease.
"Her condition wasn't already good before the accident but the fire only made it worst. She inhaled carbon monoxide enough to kill her on the spot. She probably wants to fight for her life considering she's still holding on." he continues.
"What can we do for her doctor?" I asked him with a heavy mind. Both my mind and body are exhausted from all that has happened but I can't rest since my mother is still in this situation.
"The best way now is to do a lung transplant. Any drug treatment is no longer necessary since her life is hanging on a thread."
What he said made my knees buckle. A lung transplant? How am I supposed to afford one?
"Doc is there any cheaper treatment?" I don't think I can afford that.
He shook his head, "It's the only way to save her now."
I sat a the side of the bed since there are no chairs. I felt my body draining from what little energy I had.
There was a sudden beeping sound and the doctor took a small device from his coat. He looked at it for a second and faced me." I have to leave, I'll let you think about it" he then nods a goodbye.
---
December 2022
I didn't realize that I've had stared into the mirror as I lost myself from my memories.
Ten years yet the whole scene was still vivid as yesterday. It was a bittersweet memory to remember with it being the last memory of the woman who had loved me with all of her heart.
I focused on my reflection, I needed a reminder of why I'm diving into a metaphorical abyss that is the annual Estrellaa ball.
With its dangerous creatures waiting to prowl an ignorant soul into cowering.
Looking back at me was no longer the weak, poor, and naive girl from my memory. This one was covered with high-class makeup, not soot and tears. Millions worth of jewelry adorned her body, even her designer ball gown will pique the interest of the high socialite ladies at the party.
The reflection showed a refined version of the girl in her memories. The joyous soul and carefree spirit were no longer evident. Resentment and indifference painted her exterior. She was far from where she came from. She is so close to her goal now.
A light knock disrupted her from the internal monologue she had. The door opened to reveal the Estrellaa heir.
Ian Estrellaa. Her beloved fiancee.
He raked over her form and smiled his heart-melting smile. He was every women's dream. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a physique that could warm the cold air of December. His smile painted a carefree life he lived. One that he was willing to share with me.
Yet I knew I was already stained by an agonizing past.
Despite that, she knew she could never love him. But that's something she couldn't afford to show.
She needs him.
I need him.
***
Sincerely,
Atticus