"Fuck off"
"Come on, Jacob, at least think about it!"
"No! Fuck you! Fuck you for having that idea! Fuck you to the moon and back!"
"But I'll be there too!"
"Sora... I love you AND know you more than my actual sister, so trust my when I say you being the prettiest girl in the room is like the being the healthiest option in the Heart Attack Grill"
"Jesus Christ, dude..."
"I have said meaner things to your own parents, grow some skin"
The potty mouth you just witnessed is none other than Social Media's infamous critic of pop culture P0P $yn1cal. But for those who know his true identity, Jacob Asabe. His fairly large for his age, mostly because of his intense weight training, but being 6 feet and 3 inches does add to it... and his faux hawk fade coupled with his caramel skin does make him quite the fetching fellow.
The brunt of Jacob's most famous insults and childhood friend, Sora Kirei... She's on the phone with Jacob, so her appearance will be addressed much more later as Jacob is trying to find the latest issue of his comic: The Salvager. The comic follows a masked woman who goes on killing spree hunting down the man who killed her five kids, with the assistance of the spirit of the killer's son and nephew.
As well as an over-rated horror shoujo called Bite Of Love. Sora did ask for that.
"I really don't know how the hell you enjoy that convoluted bullshit," Jacob spat, ignorant of the children around.
"You fucking hypocrite!" Sora shot back through the phone, "Wonder Entertainment has more Salvager games than graphic novels and they're not even fully connected! Instead they're telling the story from a 'different vantage point'! Puh-lease!"
"So you're saying that the love interest knowing that he was a fictional character the entire time is apparently NOT the most retarded shit as well as a waste of everyone's time?"
"The signs were there!"
"No...no, there fucking wasn't "
Jacob's attention diverted when a customer he did not expect came through the door. The comic store was Jacob's spot, he knows all the employees personally and can accurately guess the kind of costumer that comes. But the customer that came in, was someone Jacob wouldn't even dream of coming...
She had long flowing platinum blonde hair that reflect the sun-rays through the window, had eyes that could replace jade crystals, a super clear skin and had a figure that was out of this world. Jacob knew this dream boat pretty well. This was Jessica Lunar, the classmate that he has been crushing on since elementary.
"Es, imma have to call you back, shit's about to go down" Jacob announce before immediately hanging up and waving his hand so he can grab Jessica's attention, "Yo! Lunar! Is that really you?!"
Jessica turned to see Jacob and showed a pleasant and cheery smile when realising who called her. "Oh my GOD! Asabe, how are you?!"Jessica greeted as hurried to Jacob so she can hug him, much to his surprise, "I didn't know you like comics!"
"Says you! I would never guess that you would even breath around this place...you,uh... buying something for your brother?"
"Nope! I'm buying a few comics for myself. The.... Savager is my favourite!"
"Savager?"
"Salvager is what I meant, sorry"
Jacob's heart skipped a beat.
Seriously? The most popular girl in school? The girl who looks like she has better time just existing than literally anything pop culture related actually likes comics? And her favourite comic is Jacob's favourite comic? The Salvager? The comic that gets the most flack because it includes child murder and over-sexualising a literal sex offender?
Is this God's way of telling him this was destiny? Because it was pretty glaring...
"You actually like The Salvager?," Jacob asked, refusing to accept this...
"I sure do!" Jessica replied, shocking him eternally, "I would have a problem with the design for Salvager herself since it's a little too sexy to be considered practical... but I already made my cosplay, so I rather not complaining"
"That's fair... especially if the general character design takes inspiration from ecchi manga," Jacob scratched the back of his head as he said this, hoping Jessica doesn't see him as a sleaze from association with the lustful side of manga
"Now that you mention manga, you wanna try joining the weekly club at school? Sora has been telling me she's been pestering you about"
Jacob took a double take...
"Why.... would she be talking to you about that?"
"Should she not? I am the club president after all!"
Is this real life?
Is this actually happening?
The club leader isn't the stereotypical giant belly virgin who probably haven't seen his own penis for a year? Instead it's THE Jessica fucking Lunar? A girl so hot that she could make millions by taking a single photo of her feet and selling it?
God is working double time with those miracles!
But then again... this is Jessica fucking Lunar asking him this question. Not Sora, who in her bountiful wisdom decided NOT to tell her heterosexual and single male friend that the hottest school is on a first name basis with her each other. Not his smothering older sister, Jillian, who... to be fair is the only trust-worthy blood relative he has left after running away from their mother. This. Is. Jessica. Fucking. Lunar. If the man behind the infamous $yn1cal is going to answer the question to the hottest girl in school... then he has do it with the most precise response in the history of the English language...
"Yeah, whatever"
Fucking nailed it.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
"You... are such... a God. Damn. Simp, Jay!"
"Es! Simp stands for Suckers Idolising Mediocre Pussy. A man of my stature, does not simp! Even then, THE Jessica fucking Lunar is not mediocre!"
"Shut the fuck up, bro, what friggin' stature?"
"The 2.95 KDA ratio in Cry 4 Battle 2, obviously,"
"So...two and half points away from MY stature? Okay, then!"
"You unironically main the camper class, piss off..."
"You mean the sniper class?"
"I know what I said!"
It was the next day, lunch at the High-School of Excellence and Jacob just revealed to his busty, baby blue haired and blue eyed friend, Sora exactly why he decided to reconsider joining the fabled manga club.
She was not pleased with the reason...
"You have a crush on Jessica too, Es," Jacob revealed, "I don't know why you're jealous,"
"I'm a woman, Jay!" Sora snapped back, "You can't be called a gentleman if you open a door for one girl but slam it in the face of another! And even then, bros before hoes"
"But what if the bro is also a ho?"
"Shit, you right,"
Jacob and Sora shared the kind of laughter only they can have. Jacob was lucky, it's hard to find a friend who at the very least tolerates the level of rudeness he has. While it's something he has been working on, he still has a long away to go.
"Either way, if it really hurts that much, I'm sorry," Jacob apologised, much to Sora's surprise, "I should have at least talked to you about it when Jessica asked, even if she did end up becoming the reason,"
Sora tried to hide her blush as she force feed Jacob a piece of sushi... only for her to sigh, "You know what? It's fine," she admitted, "End of the day, it kinda sucked when the only person I knew was someone I crushed on since pre-school,"
Jacob scratched the back of his head in confusion, as Sora cleaned the rice from the sushi still on mouth with tissue, "You were bi since pre-school?" he asked
"Only found out recently thanks to my therapist," Sora admitted, "It would explain why I begged mom to do my make up only on the days Miss. Rosemary was teaching classes
"Even with the leg, Miss. Rosemary was VERY attractive,"
"She was hot as fuck dude..."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Lessons were finished, but school was not over... and as of now, Jacob has been showing signs of second thoughts. Because the last thing Jacob took even the slightest interest into something years ago, and what it did to him.
"Jay... none of the other club members will bite you," Sora reassured, "You'll be fine,"
"Yeah, yeah, I know" Jacob brushed off, "But can you blame me?"
"Bro, at worst I'm the chick with the crappy dad...and to give him some credit, he's pretty much loaded and it's not like my mom's dead either...N-no offence,"
"A... little taken,"
"Sorry... but you get what I mean right? I'll be fine... especially if you're fine too"
"Yeah... alright, but if a 8-year old looking ass bitch offers me cupcakes in a passive-aggressive manner, I will slide you in the mouth"
"Okay, Chris Breezy..."
"Fuck off..."
.
.
.
The moment, Jacob stepped into the room, he was greeted by a small and chubby student with curly green hair practically shoved a cookies to his face as she delightfully screamed "WELCOME TO THE MANGA CLUB, JACOB!"
Jacob snapped his head to Sora's direction with a stern gaze, making her flinch... only for him to end up flicking her in the forehead. "You're lucky I like these more than cupcakes, Es," he said, he turned back to the student before looking at the cookies and felt... concerned. The cookies did not look normal cookies, under the blanket of sprinkles was a rainbow swirl cookie, which made Jacob very uncomfortable...
"They're not poison, go ahead!" the student egged him on, going as fair as taking one herself and give to Jacob personally, who eventually did took a bite of the given cookie. To his surprise... they're not that bad
"Not as sweet as I thought it be," Jacob reviewed as he took the rest of the cookie, "But I'll avoid any chance to get diabetes and just take one for now... what's your name?"
"Oh! My name is Caroline Colin!" the student revealed as she offered her hand, "But everyone calls me Cookie! It's very nice to meet you!"
Jacob scratched the bottom of his chin as he shook her hand, "How does her nickname make more sense than her real name?" He thought to himself, only for him to distracted by a masked girl in a black hoodie reading a comic, the shadow of the hoodie hid the majority of the details with the exception of her white bangs obscuring her pale blue eyes.
"That's Lola Prince," Sora told Jacob, noticing a familiar distraction, "we call her Ice sometimes,"
"Because of her hair and cold nature towards people?"
"Actually... it's because she likes ice cream a lot! But do be patient with her though, certain events nearly made her mute, worse than yours if you ask me,"
Jacob rubbed his chin as took a chair and sat next to Ice, who gave a quick glance before going back to her comic. Jacob noticed that the comic she was reading was a manga. But this wasn't any normal manga, the characters had more detail than most of the western comics Jacob's either read and/or critique, the backgrounds in the panels looked hand-drawn instead of copy and pasted when panels where such a technique is probably even recommended. Jacob immediately knew what kind of comic reader this one was and the author of the manga she was reading.
"The Knight's Struggle by David Goryu," Jacob revealed to himself and Ice, "The story is a drag and the climax of the first arc was pretty bad but the art bringing me back... 6/10, hard to hate, hard to love,"
In surprise, Ice put her hood down, unconsciously exposing her facial scars to Jacob, who showed a face of concern, mostly to her surprised.
"P0P $yn1cal!" Ice revealed in cracked and hushed voice, causing Jacob to realise he just said the exact thing he said about The Knight's Struggle on a online video... with twenty thousands clicks. Ice immediately took Jacob's hand and shook it more intensely than the clearly more excitable Cookie did.
"I'm a really big fan! Started watching four years ago," Ice kept shaking Jacob's hand as she continued much to Sora's and Cookie's pleasant surprise, "Your comedy really helped me out when my dad would finish--"
Ice immediately stopped herself from talking when she mentioned her dad... almost immediately dismissing Jacob when removing her hand from his. Jacob shrugged and patted on the back before turning his attention back to Sora, who put her hands together and mouthed "sorry" on Ice's behalf, only for her to then squeal when Jessica came through the clubroom door.
"Sorry, I'm late guys!" Jessica apologised, "Still in the cheer-leading team, so you know"
Jacob looked at the clock on his phone with a confused expression, "It's still 3:45..."
Jessica scratched the back of her head, "I-I mean... I'm later than you guys aren't I?"
"Fair enough... so how do we do these discussions?"
"Discussions?"
"Yeah... Sora says you usually bring up topics regrading manga/anime and moderate the aftermath... you use a presentation, right?"
"How do you know?"
"Sora told me"
Sora blinked in both surprise, "I did?" she asked
Jacob exhaled heavily at Sora's confusion, "You don't remember telling me yesterday?"
"Huh...Well, you know I can be forgetful... and that heart attack grill did mess my vibe up,"
"Did it hurt that bad? Shit, I'm sorry,"
Sora's face bright pink "Yo, your character devolpment is too much quick, man, chill..."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
It turned out, Jessica forgot the presentation she was working on, but gladly Jacob prepared by making a presentation for one of his favourite manga anti-villain, The Protector of Camp.The presentation included notes that he felt like he needed discussion, including power creep, where his rise and fall began, if his mother's death is a twist on the dead parent trope or not and if the reboot did anything to affect his street creed as a horror manga character.
When club was finished, Jacob exchanged numbers with Cookie and Ice, before asking Sora to wait outside the school for him, since he needed to pee and the only available male toilet was the one on the top floor... and the elevator was out of order.
"Either the school needs to get their shit together, or God should of given me better bladder," Jacob mumbled to himself when he finished whizzing in the urinal. When he came out of the bathroom, he was presented to a stern faced Jessica.
"Explain. NOW," She ordered
Jacob blinked twice, "The FitnessGram Pacer Test--"
"Don't play dumb, dickwad! At first, I thought you just had the stereotypical mindset with that brother comment, but now I know you're hiding something! You have the exact presentation of next week's character, brought up all the points that I would have on that day AND you had no reaction to me being a cheerleader!"
"I mean... we live in a society where the word queer is no longer a homophobic term even in a offensive context, being a cheerleader isn't really--"
"WILL YOU---!"
Jessica stopped herself from losing her cool in front of bystanders, taking small and fast deep breaths before continuing you, "There's something you're hiding and I want to know!"
The silence was deafening...
The intense and brutal stare from THE Jessica fucking Lunar put Jacob on the highest of alerts and the deepest of trances. It was already concerning enough that Jessica's eyes could melt the hearts of the strongest men when she's in a good mood, this version of Jessica is angry...
Matter of fact...
She was fuming!
Jacob was surprised that his very soul, the manifested representation of his existence as a human being, is not being consumed by an inferno only rivalled to the flames of the deepest pits of the bleakest corners of hell, the ever-so torturous realm where the sinful rest and the opposite of the oh-so holy--
You know what? Fuck this shit...
It's Jessica fucking Lunar, dude
Tired of holding it in, I laugh at Jessica's dumb bitch face, who went from being an salty bitch to a confused bitch as I slowly but surely stopped laughing... only to laugh a bit more because Jessica has a dumb bitch face.
"Aw, man," I rub of the tear rolling down my beautiful caramel coloured cheeks for laughing too hard at Jessica's dumb bitch face, "I'm surprised you still haven't figured out that I know that is a game and that your not the true boss!"
"How... do you know that?"Jessica asked face contorted to face of pure fear, realising that she just got real.
"Should YOU not? You are the club president after all.."
I