"What are you doing here?" I asked nervously.
"I thought you'd be happy to see me." He stepped inside.
"I thought we said—"
"Yeah I got out early and couldn't wait to see you."
He walked up and I walked closer. He wrapped his arms around me and sighed.
"Diana."
His arms felt so familiar. So good. I began to ponder whether or not I really wanted it to end for good.
"Theo?" I whispered.
My heart was pounding. God he smelled so good.
"I was hoping I could stay a here for a few days." He said sitting on my couch and putting his military boots up on coffee table.
"That's cool right?" He wasn't asking.
"You know I hate that."
"Oh sorry," he said taking his shoes down and he began unlacing them, "I've been away so long I got used to—"
He saw the somber look on my face. "Hey," he stood. I smiled weakly with my arms folded.
"Was it too sudden?" He frowned, "Sorry, sorry, sorry..."
I still was quiet . He grabbed my elbows gently.
"I can go get a hotel," He comforted," I didn't consider that maybe you weren't ready to see me yet..."
"Okay." I nodded.
"'Maybe we could talk tomorrow?" He offered,
"Yeah," I nodded sheepishly.
He kissed my cheek and within moments he left.
I stood in the same spot for a minute after. Absolutely mystified. Then I turned around and rushed to lock the door. I texted R—-.
". Theo came back early, tomorrow's off. It was fun. :) Sorry. "
Read, but not answered. My insides gripped at his lack of response... but so what it was ending a day earlier. Maybe it was for the best.
The next day I met Theo at the gyro shop. We talked and he told me about Germany. All the things he'd seen. What he'd been up to. When he asked me about myself all I could picture was R—, his mouth, his body, I got the tingles in my no no square. "Ahem*" I cleared my throat. " I haven't been up to anything just working..."
"See you've really got to get out of this rut you're in." He said nonchalantly, " Unless...it's because of me." He was arrogant, but kidding.
"You know, I think—"
"I've been thinking too." He sighed lovingly. "You need me."
I squinted.
"You're kind of like a defenseless puppy that needs protecting, and I need to protect you." He continued on, "It's my job to, you don't deserve to be all alone. I'm sorry I left you."
"Defenseless puppy..." I muttered softly. He was never great at the talk part. His crass nature was that way. He was always very harsh, if you didn't know him you'd think he was an asshole. Not emotionally inept. Or... at least that was what I used to believe.
Can someone really be that far disconnected from expressing their feelings that everything comes out wrong? To make I love you sound like "you need me."?
"Look at you, you always need a push." He said, convicted. "For four months all you did was work, you didn't even do anything." His eyes were filled with compassion.
I did someone... I thought to myself. My views of Theo were quickly changing. His nature began to feel more and more like an excuse.
"Look I love you, and I don't want to see you miserable....without me." He smiled tenderly. I knew he was telling me he was guilty. Sometimes the inverse thing of what people say is what they mean. What really happened was he realized he needed me.
After quite a pause I turned up my lip. "Can I have my key back?" Though quite fluent in the inverse languages I preferred mostly to say what I meant.
"Yeah sure it's at the hotel if wanna come back with me." He smirked.
I squinted.
"No, yeah sure I can bring it by later, I've got to head back to the base after this." He straightened up. "I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be so weird."
He apologized profusely before lunch was over and ended it with—
"Look I know I had a lapse in judgement, but I'm back now. I want to work on this. I want to fix it, however long it takes. "
He kissed me on my cheek and left.
When I got home I still had little to say I just began cleaning compulsively for hours. All I could think about was what I could say to Theo. If we got back together maybe I would never have to tell him abou—
There was a knock on the door, I expected that it was Theo returning my key, when I opened it I was surprised to see R—standing there.
His eyes were dark. And his aura was darker.
He stepped inside. At my gesturing.
"Look I'm sorry, he wasn't supposed to be back till next week." I began to vomit up words, "He just burst in here with his key, that I'm not even sure why he had it... I thought I had both my keys."
R—turned around and stepped closer to me I trailed off...a small whoosh of air brought his scent to my nose. Sure Theo smelled good, but R— smelled better. I abruptly stopped speaking. The memory of he and I overcoming me. He grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger. The look in his eye stilled me. I was frozen, but I knew what he was gonna do. He wrapped his other hand around my waist tenderly..
When he pressed his lips to mine I felt the fireworks. The kiss was gentle but just before the birds started singing "Stop." I pushed him away. And walked past him. Just to face him again.
He pulled me in once again and kissed me rougher this time, I pushed him again and he again wouldn't relent. It sparked in me my darkest fantasy and I was not above getting it in the moment.
I fell backwards on to the carpet and he landed on top of me. I kissed him back as roughly as he grinded into me. I stopped and began to push him away. "Stop—" he pinned my arms to the carpet.He stopped to look me in the eye. 'Did you really mean stop?' Was the question. There was diamond-sized curiosity glittering in them. My eyes met him with a wanton sirens call. After biting my lip I quickly rolled over onto to my stomach to "get away" he pulled me back by the waist it was a taunt. "Come here." He grunted with the effort, I giggled and continued to crawl. He roughly grabbed the top of my pants and they ripped in the struggle. He pulled my thighs instead. I giggled a little more. He laid over the top of me, "So you want to play?" He growled in my ear. He took one hand off my hip raising up slightly to pull down his sweats. I pushed back to rub my half clothed ass against him then persisted to pull away. He grunted and I struggled more as he tore away my panties, I struggled less, in anticipation. It was almost rude the way he thrusted himself inside of me, "ahh!" I exclaimed at the sudden insertion. "You want this." He grunted as he thrust into me. I was so wet "Yes." I yelped.
"You're mine." He growled into my ear as he took me. "I am" It could have only been better if I was tied up. His strokes were rough and forceful. He covered my mouth as I cried out with pleasure. I could feel him against my cervix with each stroke. He continued grunting and pumping for all of thirty seconds before he came, he lay on top of me and we panted. Still inside of me. Always still inside of me.
The veil was lifted off his eyes suddenly. "I'm...I'm sorry." He rushed to get off.
"Wait, wait." I said panicking, " I wanted you to."
He looked disgusted, " Oh my God." He huffed, "I thought you—, I don't know what—" he was pale.
"I never said no. I wanted you to." I tried to console him.
"Don't judge me...." I pleaded.
"What?" He looked at me.
"We just, enacted a fantasy I had for a long time... and you look sick to your stomach." I covered my mouth with my hands. "I didn't mean to do that to you. I just—"
"You did want me to?" He looked at me confused. I crawled over to him.
"I did." I said softly ashamed. He still looked bothered. But the difference between feeling shame with R— and feeling shame with Theo was that with one I wanted to find a place to hide myself, the other was my place to hide. I crawled into his lap wrapping my legs and arms around him. He picked me up off the ground and kissed me tenderly.
"I'm not judging you." He whispered, "I just can't live with my hands being responsible for causing you anymore pain."
Ironic since he's the only person to ever really hurt me. He picked me up off the ground and kissed me tenderly.
In the room I showered and he showered after me. His clothes were in the wash again. My ripped ones, in the trash. When he got out he was laying beside me on the bed in his towel.
"What did you mean about both keys." He asked.
"Hm?"
"You said you were sure you had both keys."
"Oh yeah, I thought I had them both, but apparently Theo still has my spare..." I shrugged.
"Then... what key do I have?" He held up his key ring to show me the key I gave him.
I sat up on the bed confused.
"Hm, guess I finally have something to say to him when he—"
I suddenly remembered he was coming back. Instantaneously I heard the door opening.