Honestly I know it's silly of me
To want you so badly
But keep it concealed
See my inferiority complex kicks in
And the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes
And how I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
You probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
.........….
"And my father…."
"I am his biological child, but I never felt close emotionally with him. He is always busy inside his laboratory and dealing with his private research or making love with his mistress. Oppositely with my mom, even though she is very busy, she always puts me as her utmost priority in her life. Even if we can't see each other every day, my mom would take some time to call me via video call or just talking on the phone to hear my voice and hear my stories when I was at school. Great Grandpa is also very close with me…"
"I'm only close to Great Grandpa, my mother, Arina, and Jade. "
"Jade?" asked Arina confused.
"Jade is our family's wingman. We grew up together. His father is a Levy also and he is dead on a mission. Through generations, his family has served our family faithfully. "Arissa exhaled a deep long breath after hearing his whole story. But, for some reason, she can feel that there is something wrong in Cristan's story. Especially around the wreckage of his parents' marriage.
"So, because your father is having an affair with that lady so you decide to leave the house, right?" Arissa tried to confirm the story that she just heard before.
"That's not only because of the affair, but because, even at the final last moment when my mother was buried, my father not even once showed up his face at all. At that time, I can't bear it anymore and I know that I would never have a father. And, yeah .. "
"I'm sick of seeing those two fucking lovebirds inside the house... "
Cristan explained his reason for leaving the main house with deep hatred and disgust in his eyes.
This time, it is Arissa who sighed a long breath heavily.
She never expects that his family issue would be that complicated. She is fully understanding how disappointed he was when his father betrayed his mother and slept with another woman who used to be his mother's best friend. Arissa also completely understands what does it feels like to be abandoned by someone who is supposed to protect and treated you intimately as one of their family members.
Arissa knew and fully aware of it all because she was experienced it before. Sad, disgusted, disappointed, all those bitter feelings which intoxicated her…
She is….. very much familiar with all of it. In her past days.
She even thought that she didn't deserve to alive and leading a good life like she has now. But once after she delivered Jacob, it changed everything.
When she met up with Mother Hua and Kak Jose, she began to change. Because of them both, Arissa is no longer being a shabby girl who could only tremble in fear in the darkness and counting the days as she did before.
"What if your father wasn't aware of what he is doing to you? What if he was actually under the influence of that lady so he did all the bad deeds under her influence? " Arissa told him her conclusion after she listened to Cristan's stories attentively.
No one is born evil but some circumstances do make someone a criminal. That was what his adoptive mother has taught her. For this reason, Mother Hua always educates all her adopted children in the orphanage with love and discipline equally without being choosey.
"There is a missing piece in your story behind the break up of your father and mother's relationship. But I don't know what it is… " Arissa tells him her point of view again.
"An introvert like your father is usually specifically loyal to someone. So, there must be a reason why that caused your father for cheating and having an affair with someone else.. "
Arissa remembers that she once read Jose's psychology books and some books explain the concept of anagrams in human personality. Hearing Cristan's story, Arissa suddenly remembered this.
"Then, with you gone, didn't you add more burdens to Great Grandpa? He seems pretty old but on the one hand, he also understands how do you feel about losing your mother so he doesn't want to bother you and decide to take care of the clan and the company as well. But, with your leaving, aren't you giving Aunt Wanda more chances for dominating your father? " Arissa explained and conclude her perspective with a serious face.
DHARRRR !!!
Her words felt like a lightning for him in broad daylight.
Why did he never think about it before?
All this time he only focused on himself and how badly he was deeply traumatized because his father had treated him. He never thought even once about his grandpa's feelings at all or about his father who had been under the spell of that sly lady all this time.
This girl….
She is not only beautiful but also very smart!
She can think out of the box from a different point of view than he never thought before! Jeez!
"My adoptive mother has always taught me never to run away from problems. If we are on the right path. Indeed, the truth will reveal itself. Until that day come, you only need to keep faith in yourself and be patient... "
A broad smile appeared on Arissa's face as she said those words.Cristan was startled when he heard it and saw her smile.
For a moment, everything was blurred in slow motion and only her face was in front of him while all the noises faded slowly around them both.
This time…
This is the right time for him to confess his true feelings to this girl.
Cristan gulped nervously.
"Arissa, I ..."
"ARISSSSAAAAAAA ... .."
A scream was suddenly heard and jolted them up.
George is running towards them and waving his hands excitedly.
Arissa stood up on her feet and smile widely. "What's up, George?"
Shortly, George immediately arrived in front of them. His face flushed red and his breath heavily panting from running fast before.
"My mom has made her pineapple pudding and pulling them out of the fridge and she hurried me to tell you so you both can come and taste it. You will like it! My mom's pudding is one of the best in this area… " George told them in a hilarious tone. His hand quickly pulled Arissa's hand, who was still in awe and fully confused by the speed of his lines. But, obediently, Arissa finally decided to follow George's steps that quickly enter his house. While Cristan was still stunned and rooted silently under the tree but his gaze not even once lose tracking their moves.
"... like you ..."
He finally confessed in a soft voice but…
Unfortunately, Arissa had gone away.
Seeing his love confession is failed miserably, Cristan ruffled his own hair in desperation and grumbling in annoyance.
In the end, he decided to follow them with unsteady steps.
.........….
Inside the house, Mrs. Leila has prepared 4 small plates with pannacotta pudding on each of it. As George said, the pudding looks so tempting and yummy in a combination of milky white and orange which blend in perfectly. It is a great dessert for an afternoon snack even though that day wasn't too hot.
On the dining table, only Arissa, Mrs. Leila, and George ate it excitedly while they are talking about lots of things and chose some pictures of Lavender Hill that she took before. Mrs. Leila seems so happy and compliments all of her works until she blushed shyly while George smiled proudly as her mother keep watching the photos and his eyes glanced at Arissa occasionally adorably.
There is only one person who clearly in a sour mood when he saw the whole scene now. If Arissa is a bit sensible, maybe she would aware of a bunch of storm clouds that are slowly formed above Cristan's head now. Unfortunately, Arissa is completely unaware of it and even ignored him. Like he's fully invisible.
Cristan got up angrily and with a darkened face, he told her.
"Arissa, we must go home now! I still have to do lots of assignments at home… "
.........…
I've got to see you
Wherever you are
And I've got to be there
I'm wishing on stars
I've got to reveal what's inside of my heart
But the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes
And how I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
You probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
How I love you baby
(I wish you knew – Mariah Carey)